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  1. #1
    Bandit's Avatar
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    Question Trapped In a Frame

    I've come across this problem a couple of times in my life. The first time it happened was in high school. And now it seems like it's happening again.

    The best way I can describe it is this; I have two modes. One we'll call Bandit. The smooth talking, charismatic charmer who can win over people on the street. The other is just the normal me. I say the other one is normal simply because it's been there the longest, I consider both to be just as real.

    Here's the problem. I can't seem to break away from people's view of me. I guess you could say I'm trapped in their frame. Once they see me in a certain way, I have a hard time breaking away from it. If they meet me while I'm being Bandit, then that's who I am around them if I ever see them again. But if they meet me when I'm in my normal state, then I'm stuck with that. I know, the solution would be to just act like Bandit all the time, but that's really draining for me. And it's driving me insane. Cause all my current friends here at this summer job just see me as a normal guy and I know that I'm not. I'm better than that, but every time I try to show them I get locked up. I need some advice. I don't know how to break out of this frame I'm trapped in. I want to merge the two personalities so that I can be charming and charismatic to everyone. Has anyone ever had this problem before?
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “WOW...What a Ride!”

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Trapped In a Frame

    This happens alot when you are trying to fit the game to your style. And it takes awhile to merge the two. Once you manage to have one cohesive style they will naturally start to see the changes because you will start to react to them differently than you would before which will throw them off. They may even call you on it by saying you're weird or not the same person. But this will not phase or shake you once you have a strong enough frame.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Trapped In a Frame

    haha, this is funny to think others had the same problem. It happened to me, alot. I'd change enviorments completely, uproot myself and find a new place to settle down just to get a fresh start that could support the new me. Its tough to do especially with people that are anchoring you to a certain persona, but it will happen. My go to has always been affirmations(write them down and read them in front of a mirror) and try your best to stay out of your friends head. Think with your own thoughts, don't think about what they are thinking when your around them.
    "I've never seen anyone pull as quickly or as efficiently as you"
    -HarryRat(Simplepicku p)

  4. #4
    Bandit's Avatar
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    Default Re: Trapped In a Frame

    That's a little hard to do at the moment. Due to the situation I'm in right now, I can't really incorporate all of my new self into my old self. I can't say too much, but let's just leave it at this: a PUA is not going to be accepted by this bunch. It's a completely different set of morals and ideals. Because I can't tap into Bandit, I lose a lot of my confidence. For some reason it's locked in that persona. And I need to find a way to reach it.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “WOW...What a Ride!”

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Trapped In a Frame

    Whether you say you can or you can't, you are always right. This is an issue of reconditioning and it takes time. Alot of time. Trust me when I say it IS possible to recondition to Bandit the way you want to. Just keep pushing and changing your habits. You'll get there.

  6. #6
    Bandit's Avatar
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    Default Re: Trapped In a Frame

    Thanks BatMan, that's good advice. Maybe you're right, I might just be putting too many limits on what I can do. I'll try the gradual approach.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “WOW...What a Ride!”

  7. #7
    roland777 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Trapped In a Frame

    Happens to me too. I hang out w/ certain people my game is weak. Thanks for the post. I'm gonna try pushing through too.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Trapped In a Frame

    I had this growing up.

    There's an entire theory devoted to this known as the Communication Accommodation Theory (CAT). Basically we change state to converge (or diverge) to our surroundings. We have "selfs". As it applies to PU, each "self" is a frame according to our environment. You have the self you are with your bros, the self you are with chicks, and the self you are with your grandma.

    The thing is most people understand it and don't care, but I understand how important it is for you. It's an Inner Game thing. You're doing it for yourself, not to appease others. You end up putting a lot of pressure on yourself, feeling the need to always watch your back and save face.

    Virgil and I spent some time talking about this. What it means to just be yourself. I can't speak for him, but what I can say for myself: everyone knows I am a PUA. My girls, my bros, and my grandma. That's why Virgil made the picture thread. No hiding.

    BatMan and I differ on this, which is no big deal. It's a personal preference that you'll have to make on your own; how you want to go about handling conflicting states; frames; selfs. Whichever you choose I'm sure either one of us would be more than happy to help you further.

    Btw I'm totally with BatMan's Henry Ford quote on limiting beliefs. I come from a ridiculously conservative Christian background. You'd be surprised what you can tell people and get away with so long as you're being honest.

    [Btw btw I made the CAT hyperlink to its wiki page in case you wanted to learn more about it. Took me a while to find it in a textbook from an old class :P]
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  9. #9
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    Default Re: Trapped In a Frame

    I think I've made up my mind about this whole situation. You have a good point Cody; it really is a personal choice. I've decided that I'm going to merge the two and try to find a happy medium. A place where I can hold all the confidence and charisma of my PUA persona and the comfort and ease of my everyday persona. I don't want to be a PUA or an AFC...I just want to be myself. I've always done things my own way in the past, why stop now?

    So that's what the picture thread was for huh? Just another example of me making decisions before I really know what's going on. That habit's constantly biting me in the ass. But surprisingly, I don't feel like taking it down. At least not right now. I've done nothing to be ashamed of, I haven't lied or cheated or tricked during the course of learning PU. I'm not ready to advertise it yet, but why should I try and hide it?
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “WOW...What a Ride!”

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Trapped In a Frame

    Quote Originally Posted by Bandit View Post
    So that's what the picture thread was for huh?
    Well its intent is to put a name with a face as Virgil said, but I commend any guy willing to post his pic.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:



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