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  1. #1
    Bandit's Avatar
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    Default One Of Those Existential Nights

    I don't know what's bringing this on all of a sudden, but I'm feeling a bit existential tonight and I've been walking around talking to myself for the past 15 minutes. Just talking to myself. For whatever reason I got the urge to post this out there, it always helps me to write out my thoughts. I don't care if anyone posts on this thread, I don't even care if anyone reads it. It's just something I had to get out there cause if it stays pent up in my head it's useless.

    It all boils down to this. I don't know why I'm alive right now. I've been diving into this PU stuff basically head first for the past month, reading what I can and practicing when I get the chance, which isn't often due to the fact that I'm out in the boonies for the summer. I don't know why. I've got the motivation for it, or at least I used to, but I've never been able to put my finger on what that motivation is. For most of my life, ever since I can remember whenever someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I'd answer something cool like firefighter or spy or archaeologist, something exciting. I finally settled on Journalist early in my freshman year of college. The idea of working in an office doing a 9-5 is complete anathema to me. It seems like I've got a different view of life than everyone else. Too me it's not your synapses or heart palpitations tell if your alive, it's your adrenaline, your heart beating out of your chest, it's dopamine and testosterone and that sheer feeling of feeling like you still have something to live for. The world is a massive place, and it has so much to offer. I've always wondered how people can sit back and take in only a small fraction of it. So I suppose the ultimate goal in my life is to live, to have fun and enjoy myself and the people I'm with. When I die and my life flashes before my eyes, I want it to take weeks. I could die at 35 with I smile on my face as long as I feel like I've lived as much as most people do when they're 90.

    So I know that to me, the goal of life is to enjoy being alive. But that brings on a whole new set of issues. I feel like lately I've been worried about whether or not what I'm doing is actually going to work out, if I'm going to look back on this with a smile on my face or a sense of regret. There's that word...regret. Possibly the worst word in the english language. Regret. The idea that I've wasted a part of my life that I can't get back. I can feel sorry for something, I can feel guilty for mistakes I've made. But as long as I learn from them, I can never regret them because they made me the man I am now. I know it's a lot to ask, but I want to live a life with no regrets. And I'm not off to the best start. I've made a lot of mistakes that I'm still dealing with, and I honestly can't say that if I could go back and undo them that I wouldn't. I just want to know if what I'm doing now is going to let me enjoy life, and I can't know that.

    Tonight I read the last chapter of The Game. I'd read almost all of it then left it to get started on some other reading. I finally read it. The part where he leaves "the community". And it made me wonder, is this something I want to get involved with? Is it really going to be as enjoyable as I picture it, or am I just going to get bit in the ass and wind up with another regret? Is it really pickup I'm wanting to learn, or is it just talking to people in general? Do I want to have hookups and one night stands and make out with girls I'll never see again? I can't tell anymore. If you had asked me a few months ago there wouldn't have been a doubt in my mind. I would have thought that sounded awesome. That was back when they were just ideas, fantasies that I and every other college guy has. So I started learning pickup. And I read the material, learned the basics, adopted the attitude. I was really into it. The something happened that I wasn't expecting. I was good. I didn't realize this till tonight, but I wasn't ever expecting to be good. I expected to be ok, maybe get me on the same level as everyone else in my life that for some reason I felt slightly inferior to. But that didn't happen. Somewhere along the line, without much practice or anything but reading, things seeped in. I just started acting, working off what came naturally and unconsciously incorporating what I'd read into day to day activities. And I started to see a change. I guess I felt it more than saw it. Even my coworkers, upstanding Christian kids looking to be teachers or pastors or missionaries, started treating me with a little more respect. I don't know if it's cause I was acting edgy or because I had honestly stopped caring if anyone thought I was edgy, but I got more...I don't know...respect. I flirt with almost everyone now, even customers. Teasing's turning into something that's almost second nature (although it's not there yet). I strike up conversations and do my best to have a positive, confident attitude, and it feels like people are reacting to it. I'm biased, so I can't say for sure, it's just how it feels to me. But all this has me a little spooked tonight for some reason. For the first time, I'm worried I might end up not liking the person I'm turning into. And given my past, the idea of not liking who I am AGAIN is a terrifying thought.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “WOW...What a Ride!”

  2. #2
    roland777 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: One Of Those Existential Nights

    Playing the game doesn't make you a PUA. I sure as hell don't consider myself a PUA. You don't have to have one night stands etc etc etc. You can play the game to get in a LTR.

    That last chapter is such BS in my opinion. He left the community but him and the girl were broke up when i read the book. Correct me if i'm wrong but she left him? So guess what....he was right back in the game when he became single...

    I know this place is called PUAforum but it's more about just being successful w/ women than anything. this information helps w/ a lot more than women too.

    Don't sell yourself short either. The game doesn't end at 30 boss. You are then in the sweet spot territory where u can date whoever you want no matter the age.

    Don't lose site of the principles of 'the game' ever....no matter what path u go down!

  3. #3
    Cody's Avatar
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    Default Re: One Of Those Existential Nights

    I feel like I'm reading a memory.

    Well said, Bandit. You can write.

    We all get in for the same reason, but not all of us reach that place where an epiphany hits us like a wall. I think there's two:

    That it's not about what you can portray, but ultimately who you are. Owen realized that.

    And that though women are great, there's much more to life. Neil realized that.

    The last chapter brings closure because it's a necessity as a book, but it also shows that Neil gets it. Life is The Game. The Game doesn't end when you find a solid girl. The Game ends when our hearts stop beating. Neil is still in The Community because he wants to help guys realize the truth, not for personal fulfillment or validation from girls.

    This girl I've been seeing; she'll probably become my only girlfriend. Maybe for only a week, or maybe I'll marry her. But either way, you can bet I have a hell of a lot more going for me than just women.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  4. #4
    Bandit's Avatar
    Bandit is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: One Of Those Existential Nights

    Honestly I wasn't planning on getting any advice on this, hell I wasn't 100% sure I had a problem. But damn you guys really do know how to say the right thing at the right time. As I sit here writing this, I'm thinking maybe a dove into this a little too hard. It's called the Game for a reason. In the end, it's just a game we play, it's not the end all be all. Sure, it has the potential to be a huge part of your life just like any other sport, and if you're good you can even get paid for it. But at it's core, it's still a game. It isn't your whole life, it isn't your self worth, it isn't your identity. It's something to enjoy, something to make your life more fun and memorable.

    I think I finally get it now. From this moment on, I'm just going to chill out. I've been way too stressed out lately and it's driving me into the ground. I will not put my identity into this or any other activity, hobby, or anything else. I am who I am, not what I do. And right know I'm feeling pretty damn good.

    (ps. Thanks for the compliment Cody. I'll be making a living off my writing so it's good to know I won't be going hungry all the time.)
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “WOW...What a Ride!”

  5. #5
    Cody's Avatar
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    Default Re: One Of Those Existential Nights

    Hey Bandit,

    Clear some of your PMs. You've reached maximum storage space so it won't let me send one, and you don't have visitor messages enabled so I had to post here lol.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  6. #6
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: One Of Those Existential Nights

    I actually think that everyone going seriously into this Game goes through this phase. It touches a very important part of you: your inner self. It requires you to change it, and at the beginning you follow advice litterally, starting to become someone else.

    It is actually healthy in my opinion that you worry about that. It means you are conscious of your true self, and not willing to give it up just for some sex. You have to go through this phase to start a more advanced thing, which is to adjust all this to your personality rather than just copying it

    Don't worry, as long as you're self conscious, you can't become someone you don't like by accident, the same way that you can't end up in the wrong city while driving if you look at the road and map carefully

  7. #7
    CrashBandicoot is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: One Of Those Existential Nights

    This hits home with me so much. The same thing happened to me. I woke up one day and did not like who I had become. I wasn't myself because it consumed so much of my life. I felt like I was intimidating my close friends by being too alpha and it pushed them away. I got extremely sad and abandoned the game completely/resented it for 2 years. Now I am back on the boards, it's been 2 days and I have a different approach, more chill, less abrasive and more selective. I was tired of being an AFC for 2 years. That is what I have been going through but I am so happy to be back.

    Every man wants to be able to attract the women that they desire. I know I need the game for that, otherwise I am just relying on my looks and praying . In my opinion the game can be whatever you want it to be for you.

    All I know is I am really glad to be back. Plus everyone is so supportive and accepting.

    Thanks for this post man

  8. #8
    Cody's Avatar
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    Default Re: One Of Those Existential Nights

    Quote Originally Posted by CrashBandicoot View Post
    I woke up one day and did not like who I had become. I wasn't myself because it consumed so much of my life. I felt like I was intimidating my close friends by being too alpha and it pushed them away.
    Every day I worry that I've become one of the douchebags that I hated in high school. So I ask myself if I have, and if the day ever comes when it's true, I'll leave The Game for good.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:



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