It's only been three days since I wrote Journal number five, but I'm about to make some important changes in my life and those are worthy of their own journal.
My old self had a lot of positive traits that I've taken along with my new self:
-Love and affection;
-A really good heart;
-Very hardworking for things I really wanted to achieve.
Now I've developed some new positive traits through PUA:
-No longer afraid of social interactions;
-Dare to say what is on my mind;
-Understanding of people and interactions.
So that's good stuff. However I am still being held back. That's why I'm declaring war on the negative traits my old self. They're still in there in the following forms:
-Video game addiction;
-Feeling of worthlessness;
-Lack of taking care of myself.
This is all connected to that one negative trait: the video game addiction that has left an enormous mark on my life. I'm not talking about 'addicted' like your nephew playing three or four hours a day. I'm talking 'addicted' as in 'it's all I think about and I play whenever I have time - for years and years.' On June 20th, 1992, my parents gave me a Nintendo and that's when it started. Combined with being bullied in both primary and high school, the role of video games in my life got completely out of control and I can safely say I was addicted to them. My mom even wanted to send me to a rehab clinic.
For the last couple of years, video game problems have been turning on and off. I've tried to quit a couple of times, and succeeded for weeks or even months, but would always relapse in the end.
Let me tell you that this determines a lot of stuff in my life. I don't think a video game addiction is to be regarded as less dangerous and influential than a harddrug addiction. It destroys your social interactions, brings huge work/school problems, makes you look like sh1t, takes all of your free time and it actually has an effect on the consciousness. I have often felt like a zombie walking around and people got annoyed with me not remembering anything and not seeing anything going on around me. Furthermore, it made me neglect myself and my surroundings. At times, it has taken me months to go see the doctor or get necessary stuff done just because I felt like nothing mattered but gaming. It filled up so much of my life I still don't really understand how 'normal' people really live without that filling up their time. Also, I had built up a really muscular body, which took me months. I was proud of it but have shrunk a lot because video gaming has often replaced workouts and the last couple of months I've only been going once or twice a week - if I went at all.
So it's obvious why I want to cast out video games from my life entirely. A couple of months ago I've taken the first step by selling my Xbox 360. Tomorrow I will delete Windows off my computer (I use that for games and Linux Ubuntu for all other things) so that will be taken care of as well. I will also think of what to do with the remaining old consoles and games.
When I started learning about PUA, I started to take really good care of myself. I always had my hair well cut, bought neat clothes and made sure I had a healthy tan. At this moment I have neglected all of those things and I will once again start to take good care of myself. I will clean up my room and make sure it will remain tidy and clean. I will also spend more time on learning for school and learning Spanish.
So basically I am starting my War of Independence from video gaming. After I get that part of my life straight, I will devote myself fully to PUA. I will sign my Declaration of Independence when:
-I haven't gamed in 2 months. Not one second;
-I look well taken care of;
-My room is clean and tidy;
-I passed the test I have next month so I won't get kicked out of college (see Journal 5);
-I am skilled enough in the practise of PUA to get laid off it.
It's time to put all this in a higher gear. It's been one-and-a-half years since I read 'The Game' and decided to become a PUA. I immediately planned to write my own book about my adventures and become a guru but at this rate I'm not going to get anywhere. Like I said in Journal 1, this journal came in existence because I wanted to write a PUA book on myself, which turned into a daily journal, which turned into these journals. I've always wanted to become successful at something I enjoyed and have tried so with multiple things (like pro gaming) but this is the first time I feel like I could get anywhere. It's going to take me at least a year to become good enough to put anything on paper, though, so that's for a far later concern. Right now I wish the best of luck to those who are that far - Cody and Suave Kino.
So there's a bright future ahead of me. I realize I sound negative and depressing lately, but I'm working hard on that. You're going to have to forgive me for now.
Thanks for reading, guys!