Here are 33 epic quotes from David X. They're not in any kind of order. Enjoy.
Also, which one is your favourite?
1 - You can’t treat a hot one like she’s a hot one, and you can’t treat her like you’re not trying to treat her like she’s a hot one and maybe she knows that you know. Read that again, just to make sure it sinks in.
2 - Now, every once in a while, and especially as you learn to develop this attitude, a woman will tell you that she loves you. If you say, “I love you too", then you're farked! You might as well chop off your d1ck and hand it to her.
3 - When I was still dating, sometimes women would start to have a hissy fit, saying things like, “It’s always your way!” and I would say, “I’m glad you remember the rules.”
4 - What if she just wants to be friends? What if she’s not ‘over’ her ex? You either fark her or you don’t. It’s black or white. There can’t be any brown, gray, or blue. You’re not immortal. If she’s not ‘ready’, it usually means, “Stick around for now until I find something better.”
5 - You don’t have the confidence to tell her what you want? Then maybe you’re not horny enough, maybe you don’t want it badly enough. Try being a f@gg0t.
6 - I’m overweight, I swear like a sailor, and I’m not good-looking. But I never cared because women don’t look at that. They wanted to please me. They brought me their friends and I would fark them all. They would lick my @ssh0le while I farked their friends. They let me do whatever I wanted to do. I used to tell women to wait in the bedroom with their @sses sticking out, and I’d send in my friends to go fark them. They did it to please me. There was never a weekend that I sat around thinking, “Oh, how am I going to get laid tonight?”
7 - I see all these dumb guys arguing with their women. I don't argue with them. She can do whatever she wants and so can I. You see, if you argue with them then you're a pussy. It's my way or the highway.
8 - Remember, every woman is a whore except for two of them: Your mother and your sister.
9 - Be ruthless. Have the balls to say and do whatever the fark you want to say and do.
10 - Once you finally get a woman like that, sexy and bitchy, fark her and dump her. Then let her chase after you for a couple of years. Having her chase you and beg you to make love to her is going to satisfy you a lot more than any orgasm she can possibly give you. When I see a woman like that who is groveling, it makes me smile.
11 - There was a period in my life when I was only doing threesomes and orgies. I couldn’t just fark one girl anymore. Too boring!
12 - I was the first guy out of all my friends to get his own apartment. In those days, life was a little too good. I'd come home from work and there would be 3 or 4 girls there. I'd walk in and say, “Who’s horny?" I'd fark them before I even took a shower. Then a friend or two of mine would come over and I would ask, “Which one of you girls wants to fark him, and which one wants to fark my other friend?" All of my friends used to get laid in my apartment. AHHH...the good old days!
13 - There's a lot of things you can do to keep them in line. I always love it when a woman licks my @ssh0le because it gives me incredible leverage in the relationship. From then on, anytime she starts giving me a hard time, I just say, “A woman who licks my @ssh0le doesn't talk to me that way!" It's a lot better than a punch in the nose! What can she say? That I'm a pig? Hey, it wasn't MY tongue down there!
14 - I got so bored, and it was so easy that I started telling women that I worked for the CIA. The danger turns them on. I used to say, “Call me from the phone booth, and whatever you do, do NOT call me from your house!” I had one woman wait for me at a phone booth for four straight hours!
15 - One time I had a date with a woman who seemed really nice and sweet on the phone, but as soon as she got in my car, she proceeded to tell me her schedule. She had to go to this restaurant in this part of town and her friends were gonna be there and then we were gonna drive back this way and go to this hotel and stay for this amount of time and then to this club and on and on. So I said, “Did you feel that?” And she said, “What?” I said, “I think there’s something unexpected happening with my car.” She said,”Huh?” So I pulled over and said, “Hop out and take a look at the back tire, and tell me if it looks flat.” So she gets out of the car and says, “It looks fine to me.” And I said, “Maybe to you it does!” and rode off. Because if I would have driven her around all night like she wanted me to, I would have been her puppy forever. I don’t wear a leash for anybody.
16 - I stopped counting at 500. I had 'stables' (between 3 and 7 girlfriends simultaneously) from 1984 until 1989.
17 - I went out with a girl who was the former Miss Montreal. She was gorgeous. When I used to take her out, all the rich hockey players and rock stars would turn their heads and stare at her. I ended up falling for her sister. She wasn't as cute, but she was twice as good in bed. Actually, I wanted to fark all the sisters. One day she asked me if I planned on farking her sisters. How do you answer a question like that? Simple. Be honest. I said, "Yes, but I'll leave your underage sisters alone." If a woman doesn't want you because you're a man, then she doesn't want you at all. And if you're afraid of being an honest man, then you're not ready to be successful with women.
18 - In this culture, we spend so much time thinking and arguing when we could be farking.
19 - I once dated a girl who told me that she only lets her boyfriends fark her 12 times a year. She actually told me this seriously! She said that if a guy is smart, he will fark her once a month, because if he uses up his 12 farks right away, he will have to wait until the next year to get sex again! So, I farked her 4 times a day for three days and then I said goodbye. She asked, "Where are you going?" I told her that since I had already used up my twelve tickets, then there was no point in sticking around any longer. I told her that it was OK, that I respected her rules and wasn't going to ask for another fark, and after all, did she really expect me to beg? She ended up chasing me for the next five years. Why? Because I make the rules, not them.
20 - Never tell a woman that one of her friends is better looking than her. I tell you to be honest, not stupid. She will never forget it and she will punish you for it. And what about the dreaded, "Do I look fat?" question? Tell her the truth. "Honey, I'm not comfortable answering that question!"
21 - Now, the first rule of eye contact is look wherever the fark you want. If you want to look at her tits, then look at her tits. Does she have a nice ass; does her crotch turn you on? Then look at it! You can’t be afraid of them. They don’t want a pussy. And if they see you staring and they start to have a hissy fit, let them. When a woman tells me not to look at her breasts, I stare harder. I don’t care what she thinks. Why did she put on those tight clothes, so that I wouldn’t look at her? I look at whatever the fark I want to see, and if she doesn’t like it she can kiss my ass. I’m a man. I’m supposed to get turned on by beautiful women. NOT looking at them is an insult!
22 - Keep in mind that ugly women fark better.
23 - If you’re too dumb to notice, then ask her. “Are you giving me any signals that I’m too stupid to pick up on?” They love the honesty. They’re not expecting you to be honest with them and as soon as you are, they fall apart. They let go of their defenses and begin to fall for you. If you’re talking to her for ten minutes and you can’t figure out how to get her into the bedroom, just say, “I’ve been talking to you for ten minutes and I’m trying to figure out how to get you into the bedroom.”
24 - The worse thing that a woman can ask me is, "What are you thinking about?" Because I tell them, "I was thinking about doing you and your friend Natasha."
25 - I had so much porn on my hard drive that I had to get a CD burner!
26 - You should see what I do to my friends’ secretaries. Actually, there's one in particular that really strikes my fancy. She's got big tits, nice Italian girl, cute. So I'll look at her with a huge grin on my face. She'll go, "Why are you smiling?" I say, "I'm just finishing farking you -- can you hold on a minute please?" You should see them blush when you throw them a line like that. I say stuff like that to her all the time. So as she was blushing, my wife walked in, so I said, "Honey, this is the one I was telling you about, the one that always makes passes at me." I tell her, "If I could convince my wife, I'd do you both together." That's the kind of stuff I say to women. I say the truth and I'm relentless about the truth. People know exactly what I'm thinking. My friends are always asking me, "What do you do to my secretaries? Whenever you show up, it lights up their whole day!" Sometimes the women go, "But David, you're married!" I go, “What, you don't think I can handle two women?"
27 - When I lived in Texas, I went to a psychiatrist for two years, because at the time, I couldn't understand why all these women wanted to marry me.
28 - I love Star Trek
29 - You can even start your conversation with her by saying something like, “I know so much about the clitoris, you’d never believe how much I know about sex! Go ahead and ask me ANY question. Ask me something you think only women would know.” Start off a conversation like that, and if you’re not farking her by the end of the night, then it’s safe to say you’re an idiot!
30 - Do you jerk off? There’s two kinds of people in this world. Those who jerk off, and liars!
31 - If she smokes, she farks. And if she plays with her straw a lot, she gives good head. Those two theories have never failed me.
32 - Whenever I see a woman dressed so slutty with her tits hanging out it amazes me to see all of these guys standing around her pretending not to notice! It becomes like the elephant on the sofa. You throw a party and all of your friends are there and there’s this elephant on the couch and nobody says anything about it.
33 - Don’t be afraid to tell them that you think you’re a great guy. I give myself the highest possible recommendation! What am I going to say? “Uh, hello, I’m a real loser with low self-esteem and even if I did have a big d1ck I wouldn’t know what to do with it!”