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  1. #1
    striderr is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Post Feeling self conscious about bragging in front of friends

    Hey guys, first post after following PUA advice on and off for many a bit under a year now. Thanks to everyone, you've helped me a lot so far!

    My current problem is that I don't understand my purpose in my old friendship group.

    I've changed since leaving for university several years ago, but when I'm with my old buddies it seems like I quite quickly revert back to my old self and I hate it. In one to one interactions with them, I feel more in control and myself but when we gather into a group, I feel like I'm reverting.

    Something that I've noticed is that I'm holding back on my true, confident and much preferred personality just to fit in with my old 'nerdier' friends. I also noticed that I'm quite self conscious about sounding braggy and tend to be secretive towards them when it comes to jobs, women, etc. It's annoying as it's holding me back and I feel like I'm DLVing myself for no reason. I don't have this problem with my newer friends and feel much more comfortable about myself around them.

    So I thought that my problem is that I'm scared of them feeling jealous towards me and what I want to talk about. I keep thinking that they're less successful in these fields and having been a sensitive person myself, don't want to hurt their feelings.

    One of my 'friends' (who I don't bother talking to anymore) in the group seems to try hard to AMOG me every time we're with the others and I've concluded that he's just jealous of certain things about me and sees my potential as a threat. I don't like hostility and I want my buddies to feel good around me, not jealous or defensive and I shouldn't have to engage in a power struggle each time.

    So what is the Mindset of coping in this group of males, should I just assume more of a leadership role and use my knowledge from an advisory angle? But then unless I'm advising confidently , I just feel like I'm being too humble and DLVed but I feel less guilty about potentially hurting their feelings.

    Obviously I'm a little confused about male social dynamics

    Do I be more of an awesome dude and stop holding back or is it better to just be the nice guy? As a group we don't go on nights out or even hang out with women, so I'm not quite sure how I should be behaving and what I'm trying to achieve. Once I understand what my purpose is, it might help me carve out an approach that feels natural.

    Thanks in advance for any useful feedback, you guys are awesome

  2. #2
    The Red Baron's Avatar
    The Red Baron is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Feeling self conscious about bragging in front of friends

    You never want to brag, it shows that their approval is important to you, it shouldnt be.

    Don't brag.

    But you can naturally fill the leader role. If you're a new person, show it, don't tell it. If they ask about things like your job, you can tell them after they ask, but in the manner of explaining whats new, not in a way to tell them how much better your life is.

    If your friends are trying to AMOG you, they're probably not great friends. But if they do test you, go ahead and amog back. You only dlv if you give up the frame, but if you're confident about it, you're fine. You don't have to be mean to control the frame, just confident. Here's some stuff I wrote recently that is related

    http://www.puaforums.com/game/17751-...nner-game.html
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  3. #3
    striderr is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Feeling self conscious about bragging in front of friends

    Hey

    I think you highlighted some important things there. I don't ever intend on bragging, like you say it's needy and I don't have anything to prove, but I am sometimes unaware of whether I'm saying something interesting or whether it's too much. By default I usually hold back on how much I tell people because I don't want to sound braggy and am not 100% sure where the boundary between bragging and is. I think I'll be able to work on that quite easily and I already think I've got the right Mindset laid out.

    And you're right, frame control is something that I occasionally struggle with because my behaviour in my old social dynamic is so trained into my head and I am uncertain about what new behaviour I can and cannot carry forward in order to continue functioning in that group. Another thing I can struggle with is the whole banter side of things amongst guys, I just can't be bothered with it after a certain (mild) level. But I think I've already noticed that that is even more about state of confidence and frame control so I know what to look at.

    I think I'll just be me 2.0 and if they don't like it, fark'em. I have plenty more new and closer friends now than before.

    For now I'll focus more closely on frame control and of course read your posts.

    Thanks for the feedback!

  4. #4
    fleetersamuelli is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Feeling self conscious about bragging in front of friends

    never, ever, brag. would bill clinton walk up to a group of friends and start bragging to them? no. Be presidential. don't brag.


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