This is a brain dump to get a few things off my mind. There are some field reports and musings on state of mind too.
I've been hanging around here for a few months now. I've gone from not being comfortable even approaching a woman, to being quite happy to be direct in a short period of time and only a handful of approaches. I'm no good at thinking on my feet and I'm yet to overcome the 'boyfriend' dead end. I'm working at it though. I'm over what I feared the most. The approach.
My first intentional approach I was sat in some traffic as a passenger on a garage forecourt - I saw and had good eye contact from a girl entering the car wash and I sat for 5 minutes whilst her car was cleaned. Without saying anything to my friend I launched myself out of the car - I was going to make this first approach an awkward one. As she exited the car wash I flagged her down. She wound down her window with an expression that was hostile and concerned. I told her she had caught my eye, was a beautiful woman. She was instantly disarmed and blushed. Alas, she was engaged to be married, she was sat in the middle of the forecourt and she'd served her purpose. I bid her farewell. I had done something unthinkably bold. I was out of the gates. If I can flag a stranger down in a car just to open her, anything else should be easy.
Like I said, I've been hanging around here for a few months now. I give out some advice like I know what I'm talking about and to a certain extent I do - I only talk though, I don't really walk the walk. I really question sometimes whether I should quit advising, I'm not qualified. Never more so strongly as tonight. Because I've made a basic and obvious mistake, exactly the kind I provide council to others for. I'm nursing a case of one-itis at the moment - that's partly why I'm distracting myself with writing this.
Post initiation, I went direct with a cute barmaid who I'd thought to myself I'd like to get to know. I have no idea where my confidence came from but it oozed and I n-closed her with a follow up coffee date, which I similarly felt went extremely positively. Lots of ioi's, dog bowl eyes, qualifying herself without me even inviting it. I literally said to myself after we parted ways "There is no way in hell I am not going to see her again" I couldn't have asked for it to have gone any better. I came away more attracted and interested in her than I'd even hoped for and to top it off, I conducted myself as good as flawlessly.
So now a week later and a lack of reply on text messages, she's pecking my head. I can't get her out. I want D2. This is a problem. I advise people to get on with it and see if it comes back, rather than waiting for it to come back, yet here I am waiting for a text that she said she'd send today. It's 23:30 and I'm without a text. Waiting. How pathetic.
When I find something good, that I want, I start to focus on it. I start to exclude others, I put my eggs in my favourite basket. This is where I transition from being the prize to chasing the prize. I become impatient, I want gratification. I want to contact her, I feel compelled to write her some message like "Don't worry, I don't date women who don't reply to my text messages anyway" even though I know that'd be 10x more useful delivered in person. Even though I know if she was interested, she'd have been in touch. Even though I know I should shift focus to meeting other women. But... but... there's always that but. Really, those 'but's are just illusions, empty premises, just what ifs and what could have beens. Dreams. So here's to not dreaming.
I think I need to think less and go with the flow more. It's easier when you've got several things on the go. I am quite picky with women so I doubt I could keep myself stocked up with options. Perhaps I need to loosen my requirements, but I find women I'm not interested in a chore after a while - but sometimes that chore is enough to keep me satisfied so I don't get too depressed. I feel like attention from women is like a drug that I'm addicted to. This concerns me, it sets me up for a fall in a drought. And writing this I see the key. I draw too much inner strength from external influences, I need to work on strengthening my inner game from the inside. I need to become the prize again. Ahhh, and everything becomes clear once more