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Thread: Evaluate my situation - Advice needed

  1. #1
    CLight is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Evaluate my situation - Advice needed

    Hello all. I have posted a little about myself in the new members thread and would like to delve deeper into my current situation in this thread.

    Let's start with what led to my discovery of "the game". For years, I had heard people say they "had game". Little did I realize that this was meant literally. I always took it to mean that they were just good with women. I never once suspected that there was a pattern to it! I am enlightened to the concept now. Several months ago, my "wife" (We were married for 3 months, though we dated for 5 years before this) broke up with me.

    The situation was beyond mutual, but unfortunately, she wore the pants in the family. Although I wanted to leave, when I tried to she essentially stalked me into getting back together and I lacked the willpower to say no. She is a very stubborn person who has been raised being taught to do what she pleased and cause harm to anyone who tried to stop her.

    After this last breakup, I decided I needed to start learning more about picking up women so that I didn't feel the need to settle for another 5 or more years of my life. I began reading everything I could, watched all the video content I could get my hands, watched VH1's "The Pickup Artist", and began practicing various routines and such on friends and coworkers when I found an appropriate occasion.

    That was my preface to the situation at hand.

    The situation: At my job I fix computers. Computers are my life and I find few things I can not accomplish with them. My dream woman would ideally have similar traits. Funnily enough, right after my breakup, an HB8 got hired on as a tech. She is my current goal.

    Main people involved:
    Self: Obvious
    HB8: My Target
    Ex: Obvious
    CL: HB8's Crazy Lesbian Ex

    Events up until now: When HB8 came in to look for a job, I was the one she spoke with to start the process. I had been studying a little bit at this point and was capable of recognizing a few indicators of interest. At this time, HB8 was still with CL and both were at my job for this. HB8 later told CL that she was attracted to me, though I believe it was my personality, not my looks that were specified. HB8 loves my intelligence and constantly informs me of it with more than a little sparkle in her eye.

    A few weeks later, I'm making more and more AFC mistakes and essentially giving her all the attention in the world -_-. This climaxes at a point when she goes out to smoke a cigarette and I state that I would like one too. She blatantly stated for several people to hear that I was needy and clingy and a moment of realization hit me like a brick. I backed off and went home that night to study like a maniac on what damage I had done.

    After reading for hours, I felt like I had a game plan on starting to repair my damage. It made no sense to me why it should work, but my faith was in it. I stopped texting her first and rarely replied to the ones she sent. At work, I began to avoid her and when she was around, I poked fun at her.

    This worked much better than I had anticipated and I watched the situation flip itself within a week. This specific event is what has convinced me that there really is a method to this madness. She invited me to her place for a few parties and, though I showed up, I was definitely not the social guy I should of been. Her girlfriend was also present the entire time, so I didn't feel comfortable at this point pushing for more than friends anyways.

    Shortly after this, she texts me one night and tells me she wants to swing by my place. I was completely unprepared for this. She came over, and the best thing I could come up with to do was watch funny YouTube videos. I learned my lesson on that one.... But here is the kicker (yes, I kicked the SHIT out of myself when I analyzed the situation later). Out of nowhere, she brushed her hair to the side, leaned in a little bit to me and says "Me and my girlfriend broke up". My stunned brain could only come up with "Wow, that's no good". She looked surprised at my response, leaned back and then looked at her phone and said "Wellll....I REALLY have to go now." I realized that I had fucked up and I tried to save some value by letting her go as if it was no big deal.

    Not knowing what to do, I turned to what had previously reversed my fuck up and proceeded with being distant to her until she came up to me. This process was a bit longer than the last.

    Around now, I had wholeheartedly dedicated myself to learning all I could and I did the best I could to rebuild the situation and I feel that I did OK. At this point, she is comfortable with our faces being inches apart while I help her and I managed to work in some Kino to the point of walking arm and arm into a party my friend was throwing.

    At this point, I told myself that if I did not pull the trigger, I never would. We proceeded to play a few rounds of beer pong, we were laughing alot, dancing, and in general I was feeling great about the escalation. Then my ex walks into the party.

    I knew the rule: NEVER acknowledge my ex. My ex began to cause a scene when I did not give her the attention she demanded and I pulled my ex out of the party, with the blessing of HB8 (We had discussed our previous relationships and she was aware of the situation). However, outside the party, my ex begins to get out of control. Long story short, I was tied up with my ex for over an hour and HB8 came into our conversation to say goodbye. My ex actually acted cordial to HB8 and we even had a group hug before HB8 left.

    After HB8 left, I was suddenly unable to hold back my level of pissed off. I went off on her and this resulted in my hat being caught on fire via tiki torch, my phone getting stolen by my ex, and a long car chase around town to retrieve it. That night in bed, I realized that this is way beyond my skillset to fix and told myself to get over her and try to just be friends.

    The next day, HB8 asked told me she understood the situation and I know she is going through similar with CL. Then came the killer statement: "I love who you are. I think we could be best friends." I replied with: "My social circle has been developed over time and I have carefully chosen those who are in it. I think you deserve a spot. I then mentally chopped my dick off and regretted that response, but could not come up with a better one after the fact even though I tried. Since that day, she has of her own random free will showed me naked pictures of her on her cell phone, taken me to a few bars, and is actually playfully touching me, but claims there are boundaries. When she says this though, it is with what I recognize as her playful "I'm fucking with you" look. I am almost sure that I have been friend-zoned, but she keeps showing indicators of interest when we are in relatively private areas. In public though, at bars and such, she doesn't show any. It's also worth noting that EVERYONE of her friends think she broke up with CL to be with me and there have been several playful "Let's go to the car so I can give you your nightly blowjob" type jokes thrown around. However, the social pressure is definately creating a bit of a (not quite but almost) awkward gap that I am finding difficult to bridge.

    I can't help but wonder if maybe by some miracle she is still interested, but is scared of telling people she isn't a lesbian anymore. Of course, in my position, that is probably just futile hope.

    There are other events that I consider to be relatively key. but I am trying to avoid writing a book in this post. What I would like from anyone kind enough to be reading this still is the following:

    1. Your overall evaluation of my situation.
    2. Should I try to re-escalate or throw in the towel?
    2a. If escalation seems like a good move, should I give it a short time or start now?
    2b. If throwing in the towel is the general consensus, I think she would still be comfortable being a pivot for me in a club. How should I approach this conversation without saying "Hey, let's go get chicks!"
    3. Complete honesty. I don;t care how brutal or great it is. I can handle it.

    Typing this out has already helped me view the situation in a different light and I am hopeful that with the advice of those who give it, I can pull this feat off.



  2. #2
    Wolf24's Avatar
    Wolf24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Evaluate my situation - Advice needed

    What I do is, if a chick is showing me IOIs, I don't give a fark about friendzone.
    If there is ioi, it means that she's open to escalation.

    And I think most PUAs will agree with me at this point: Escalation comes with Kino.

    Think about your friends. You have some physical contact up to some point. But you never go above that level. Because you are just friends.

    If you think this girl has friendzoned you, determine your physical contact level with her. When you've done that, kick it up a notch. For example, if your physical connection doesn't go higher than touching her shoulder, her arm which is like the first level of kino, take it a level higher. Take her hand when you're leading her to some place. Put your hand on her knee/leg (just not the inner thigh, at least not yet) when you are sitting and chatting, put your hand on her back when you are standing next to each other, and so on. The key is, you must kino naturally so she doesn't feel awkward and creep out. If you can increase that level, that will put you out of the friendzone eventually.

    And............ About your ex... I mean, dude, come on, you are a freaking alpha. You can't let that ex of yours fark up your game, your girls, your life. Maybe you've made some mistakes in the past. But it's past, you're a different man now. And you deserve better women. I don't understand what benefit your ex will have in your life, if you keep being friends with her. Okay, I understand that you shared some things together but, man she sounds crazy. Even if she wasn't crazy, your AFC behavior in the past made her the alpha in your relationship. Now she feels like she can control you. But you've changed my man, at least you're trying. Long story short, be decisive about what you're gonna do with your ex. Don't let her control you.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  3. #3
    Zeus101's Avatar
    Zeus101 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Evaluate my situation - Advice needed

    Agreeing with Wolf, she said 'we could be best friends' , not 'lets be best friends'. To me this makes me think she is giving you the option of being best friends if you want it, but not necessarily meaning its what she wants. She is giving you tons on IOIs so you NEED to escalate.

    Dont get annoyed at yourself for saying something/doing something you regret, no-one has perfect game and the whole concept of it is that you learn all the time from your mistakes, next time just think a little more about something before you say it, without letting your feelings/nerves take control.

    NEVER throw in the towel until she physically rejects you after trying. You still havent tried to go further than Kino so dont know if she wants it or not. try and get more kino with her hands, back etc. and hold lots of eye contact with her. Invite her round yours or go round hers, then when you have kino escalated for a bit and it feels right in your gut, move in for the kiss on the cheek and see how she reacts.

    Wise men don't need advice, Fools wont take it - Benjamin Franklin

    Stick a 50 note onto your forehead and talk to a stripper.. If you can get her to not think about the note, you are gold.

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