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Thread: Bit of a specific situation (Korean girl)

  1. #51
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Bit of a specific situation (Korean girl)

    Just two things:

    - First, I am glad. I look at your first post about you not sure whether to talk to this girl or not, and now you are taking her on a date every week. That's progress.

    - Second, and take it with a grain of salt. I recently figured what was the issue with my korean girl. She was sending me messages like crazy, sending pictures of people kissing and everything, but avoiding the kiss every time. Most mixed signals ever.

    So I asked around, and it's finally because she expects me to ask her to be my girlfriend before she does any kissing. She expects me to take her hand and ask "Hey HB, do you want to be my girlfriend?", and then yes and kiss. Like in middle school.

    Take it with a grain of salt, since I have not tested yet. This is totally against my culture, this is the last thing I would think of, and I'm not really sure I actually want to haha.

    But hey, I got the info, I figure I would share. Your situation is different considering she has a bf, but just be aware that in her culture, there is no bf/gf until the guy formally asks.
    Seduction is a martial art. Reading books and talking to experts is important, and helpful. But you won't progress unless you go out there and fight.

  2. #52
    NomdePlume is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Bit of a specific situation (Korean girl)

    Bro! The thing is - i've heard that too. Korean culture = it's only official when you do an actual confession. But you're right, i have no idea how it works in my case when she already has a bf lol.

    If you end up testing this let me know! Heaps curious about it. I might even bring up the whole dating in korea topic with my girl - would that be a bad idea? (Too obvious sign of interest?)

    Quote Originally Posted by Mikalichov View Post
    Just two things:

    - First, I am glad. I look at your first post about you not sure whether to talk to this girl or not, and now you are taking her on a date every week. That's progress.

    - Second, and take it with a grain of salt. I recently figured what was the issue with my korean girl. She was sending me messages like crazy, sending pictures of people kissing and everything, but avoiding the kiss every time. Most mixed signals ever.

    So I asked around, and it's finally because she expects me to ask her to be my girlfriend before she does any kissing. She expects me to take her hand and ask "Hey HB, do you want to be my girlfriend?", and then yes and kiss. Like in middle school.

    Take it with a grain of salt, since I have not tested yet. This is totally against my culture, this is the last thing I would think of, and I'm not really sure I actually want to haha.

    But hey, I got the info, I figure I would share. Your situation is different considering she has a bf, but just be aware that in her culture, there is no bf/gf until the guy formally asks.

  3. #53
    NomdePlume is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Bit of a specific situation (Korean girl)

    Thanks as always - your posts help clear my head.

    Currently waiting on her to reply to a text lol. I'm trying to walk the fine line between being too needy and being too disinterested (since i want her to see me as bf material). The best I can come up with is being nonreactive to everything.

    You're right about the compliment thing - wish I read that earlier. Read something today that was similar too.

    I just realised I could have totally handled the hotel better when she said "i told you i have a bf". I think that's the most sexual we've ever gotten and I should have called her out on it with something like "who said im going to do anything to you?". I have much to learn - will be a while before i can get a sexual mood going again.

    A lot of the PUA material i read is about f-closing within 2 or 3 meetings. I feel like im taking ages but hopefully you're right - she'll take time because of the situation and her culture.

    Quote Originally Posted by I.M.Mortal View Post
    If you not good at push/pull then don't worry about it.

    As for your other question, you are accomplishing ALL THREE. You've stated your intentions/goal that you see her as potential gf material. She will break it off with her current boyfriend once she sees you as a potential bf, but that is not something that is going to happen fast. An F-close is not going to make her your Gf automatically (perhaps make certain things easier and answer the question if you two are sexually compatible).

    It only feels tough because you are overthinking things and worried. It is never an easy battle if you like/care for a girl. I don't think you put her in the same light as a girl that you would pick up and get a same night lay with. Which is fine.

    It's not bad that you take her out every weekend. If she says 'yes' why stop? I don't know if you know, but after consulting with alot of renown dating coaches, for some guys, it can take weeks/months before they get a girl out on a date and have to resort to playful persistence. You got this girl out fast. So trust me, you are doing fine. Just know that there's going to be times when she can't or is not up to it. It might get to your head. It doesn't mean she likes you any less.

    Compliments - As stated in an earlier post, I would avoid any compliments that is in reference to her physical appearance and the obvious. Why? Because it's like saying indirectly to a girl "Hey I'm interested in you because of your good looks." The female mind will interpret it as that. I usually always complement them on something else. For example, I once complemented a girl that she had a strong positive chi aura (internal energy) and she radiates it (she's a white chick and doesn't know what that is). I can feel a buzz when she touches me and how it's unlike anything I ever felt from another girl. Or I would say to another girl "I really enjoy hanging out with you. You have a positive vibe to you." Things like that. You can build a deeper connection that way showing that you are intuitive and observant.

    So this korean girl is a physical trainer and you work out. So how about complementing her positive outlook on physical health and fitness? What you are conveying to her is "Hey I really enjoy hanging out with you because you stay healthy and fit and want to help others do the same. I feel it's important to stay healthy and in shape too. I admire what you do."

  4. #54
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Bit of a specific situation (Korean girl)

    Actually, that's a great idea. I had the conversation with her about dating differences in Korea and my country and it escalated nicely. Especially if you start casually talking about sex. Do it genuinely, out of genuine interest (not "just to get her").

    Since you're basically asking "how can an American guy date a Korean girl considering this and that", she will think about it, butyou still have plausible deniability, which is nice
    Seduction is a martial art. Reading books and talking to experts is important, and helpful. But you won't progress unless you go out there and fight.

  5. #55
    NomdePlume is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Bit of a specific situation (Korean girl)

    Agreed. I brought it up briefly in our texts and she said its very different. Then i was like "what do you think of the western way? Too forward?" and she was like "is it the western way? I think it's just your way".

    So she pretty much sees us as dating as far as i can tell. I guess that's a good thing.

    Wondering if i should use a line like this - any thoughts?

    Me: My Korean friend told me to say this to you but I don't know what it means. Sarang hae.
    Her: *laugh/blush* I love you
    Me: You love me? Already?
    Her: Noooo it means I love you.

    Etc. Good? Too obvious? Honestly, I'm trying to "confess" to her without actually confessing (since as you said in Korea you pretty much have to do a high school confession for it to be official).

  6. #56
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    Default Re: Bit of a specific situation (Korean girl)

    Yea it's a good one.

    The escalation idea is fine to feel her out, but in all honesty, what are you hoping to accomplish by 'confessing' this early. I'm just curious. Do you expect her to all of sudden bail on her boyfriend that she been with for god-knows-how-long (her current comfort zone), for a guy she only known for 3 weeks? That doesn't sound very realistic to me.

    UNLESS you want to just get this over with by 'throwing down your cards' on the table and end the game. And nothing is wrong with that. It's a high risk/high reward move. You can't go wrong with honesty and not being afraid to show vulnerability in expressing yourself (which is actually part of another school of seduction).

    BTW - This situation is no longer in the same jurisdiction of the PUA who picks up women and gets same-night lays or F-closes in 2 to 3 days because your goals are different. So you can't compare yourself to those guys and the "strategies" will differ.

    As far as your situation goes, there is no time constraints. How do you think the rest of the non-PUA male population got their girlfriends? Personally, I feel you did the best you could to get your foot in the door. All it is a matter of is staying there.

    Ultimately, confidence will make or break you. There is a term called "Congruence" which means your innergame confidence is reflected through your actions. Women can sense a guy's confidence. If they feel there's incongruence, then that's when alot of women Sh1t tests guys and that's where many fail. That's how they can see through their "act." I wonder if she sees through yours by now when she said "is it the western way? I think it's just your way".

    I'm not certain if she sees through your "act" yet (meaning sensing your anxiety,you overthinking and hence why you are here), but it will almost be impossible to keep up long term.

    A textbook PUA may tell you to go out with other women to spread out your emotions, crush neediness/oneitis, but all that doesn't fix the problem.

    In that regard, I think it might be time to express vulnerability. Meaning you can tell her plainly something to the extent of "I really like being with you. I like this feeling I have when I'm with you." You're being real with her. And by doing so, she will be real with you. No beating around the bush. She might bring up the boyfriend again, in which you tell her "So? What does that have to do with the way I feel? That doesn't change anything" or she might tell you she likes hanging out with you too.

    Bear in mind that this is not a chump move or weak or looking desperate. It takes true confidence to pull this off effectively. It has to be done without any expectations, conditions, hopes. It has to be done as a gift.

    The good news is if you are going to get blown out, at least you got blown out for being yourself and you can move on.

    I think you will feel a hell lot better whatever the outcome is.

  7. #57
    NomdePlume is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Bit of a specific situation (Korean girl)

    "Personally, I feel you did the best you could to get your foot in the door. All it is a matter of is staying there."

    Do you reckon so long as I established Kino Escalation and made my intentions pretty clear early on - no matter how long i "stay there" i won't get friend zoned? I think my main concern over fighting a long battle is that eventually the initial excitement will be gone.

    Honestly, when im interacting with her im not that anxious. I think ive started to act pretty normal around her. Possibly a lot less push than pull (that's just naturally what im like) but still playful. When she said it was just "my way" i interpreted it as her thinking that the way i approach girls is very different to anyone else. She often says im very confident and never shy (which is good i guess).

    Although I really like this girl, I have been trying to keep my mind off her by getting other numbers. Funny thing is I just got another korean girl's number last night and she has the same name. Completely opposite person though - very laid back, not much ambition but adventurous. Wondering if I should mention her (as preselection?) something like "hey funny thing, I just met another Korean [NAME] last night. Must be a popular name for girls."

    As for my intentions? I dunno. My end goal is a relationship with her but you might be right that it will be an all-in. I think she sees us as dating - or at least she's 100% sure that im into her. Again, not sure if that's good (all pull no push?). I'm too far in to know how to push any more lol. It's too obvious I like her - been taking her out every week and all the Kino ...

    The problem is I still feel like there's a time limit - that i'll get less interesting/fresh/exciting over time. I'm already running out of cool date ideas lol.

    As for "I really like being with you." i think i can pull that off in a non-weak way. We've said similar things before. I always mention how I have a lot of fun with her at the end of our dates (so she associates fun with me - hopefully) and she always thanks me and tells me she had fun (dunno if polite or genuine but she makes an effort to mention it every time).

  8. #58
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    Default Re: Bit of a specific situation (Korean girl)

    Random vent - just saw an older brazilian guy with a better body than me get her number at the gym.

    No girls around for me to talk to as a response so the best i could do was talk to him too and friend him to show i wasnt threatened.

    Damn, this girl is driving me crazy. I feel like giving up but at the same time i like her too much to.

    Maybe ill just go out with the other one to keep my mind clear - but she's very down to earth and laid back. I'm not used to hitting on girls like that - im used to the ones with a feminine side that I can tease. Unrelated to topic but any quick advice on how to calibrate with a girl that's more chill than you are?

  9. #59
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    Default Re: Bit of a specific situation (Korean girl)

    Aaaannddd I just got a msg from her saying i look yummy. Dafuq - maybe she was shit testing me when she was talking to that other guy? Women are fkin confusing.

  10. #60
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    Default Re: Bit of a specific situation (Korean girl)

    Ok now she's going on and on about how im cute/face looks cute/etc. Not sure if i lost my alphaness or its a good thing ...

    And sorry for multiple posts, decided not to go out tonight.


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