Attraction, when you think about it, is a pretty elusive thing. It's so broad and abstract that we know what it is, yet we don't understand why it works. Even as PUA's we have many labels and techniques for developing attraction, yet on a fundamental level, don't really know what it is. Is it a pull? Like one drawn to another? Is it a result of seeking validation, compliance, or curiousity? Or maybe from showing certain traits in yourself. Perhaps all of that.
With all the definitions of attraction, I feel that none of them are really wrong. Just different perspectives of the same thing. I'm going to share with you my favorite explanations of what attraction is on a fundamental level and how to create it. Because with attraction there simply is more than one way to skin a cat. Tell me what you think and feel free to share your understandings of what attraction means to you.
This was what I first learned when beginning PUA. It's very simple and a cookie cut out of what generates attraction in a woman on a universal scale. It's a classic, to put it simply. The trick with these is really pulling them off. Not learning what they are. You can do dhv storytelling. But if you've ever read Magic Bullets, they explain that the closer the woman is to discovering those things herself, without you telling her, the more impact it will have and generate much more attraction than a story you tell her. Like if her friend told her about you going to Europe vs your own buddy whom she doesn't even know. These were fun to learn. For those who aren't quite familiar, here are the main attraction switches:
-Leader of Men
-Protector of Loved Ones
-Willingness to Walk Away
-Willingness to Emote
This is a bit more fundamental in terms of building attraction. Let's face it, some of us don't have really exciting stories of doing amazing things. And we still have a code to not lie and make things up. I myself come from a very poor neighborhood filled with gangs and violence. I doubt any woman I'm looking for would find that attractive.
Learning push/pull made me feel better and more confident about building attraction because it showed me that I didn't need fancy stories. That I could validate her in one way, then devalidate her in another way. Like a rubberband being pulled and released constantly. Building up heat and friction until it breaks under all the Tension.
I'm still getting better at push/pull, but I've come a very long way since learning about it. It's a skill ANYONE can master and there is much room to grow with this technique since it is soooo dynamic. Yes you can prepare some push/pull lines, but most of it is just about understanding how it works and doing it on the fly. Some of my best lines came at the spur of the moment just because I wrapped my head around this concept.
This was one of the biggest revelations in my game when I finally understood and wrapped my head around frames and frame control. I like to use the following analogy: It's like two people looking at the same sunset, but one is wearing orange shades and the other is wearing purple. Same view, different perspectives. The ability to hand that person a certain pair of shades that you'd prefer them to have is frame control.
Ever since then I view people now as living in these kinds of bubbles of reality. Everyone has their own perceptions of the world around them and how they see themselves in this world. I see people imposing these "bubbles of reality" on each other all the time during an interaction. (In fact, if you think about it, I'm doing that with you right now as you read this.) And noticing that whoever has the stronger bubble wins. You see...when I realized that alot of things have nothing to do with truth, but power, a whole new world opened up to me. Hence the quote that's attached to my profile.
"All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at any given time is a result of power and not truth."
Do you know what it meant when I realized this? It means whatever a woman says or does something, I interpret it that she is imposing her bubble on me and I have to choose to accept it or not. When a woman says she thinks sex on the first date is wrong, many men may accept her bubble or frame as truth. And go out of their way to make sure she doesn't think that's what he is trying to do with her. Instead of questioning why you feel her view is correct in the first place. But it's not truth. It's simply her interpretation of the world around her. And if she has more conviction than you in that belief, it will seem to you as truth. Develop a strong reality and conviction of the world around you and you can suck her into you.
Adam Lyons on Attraction:
I read an article he wrote and he broke attraction down fairly simple. And I really liked it. It's less complicated and more abstract than the attraction switches, but concrete enough to not be viewed as pure speculation or theory. These are the elements of what attraction is according to that article.
Understand that we don't feel the real want or desire for something until we can't have it anymore. Taking it away and her realizing that she can't have you creates a "vacuum of thought and investment."
Watching the same movie over and over is boring. Don't be that. Women want stability in the relationship, but not in their partners personality. "People we can’t read or pin down, captivate us, they bring us into their world."
- Breaking Comfort
In order to break comfort you need to have it in the first place. "You need to have a certain amount of comfort to break and create the vacuum that causes her to want to have you as a partner."
Vin DiCarlo on Compliance and Value:
This is probably more of the darker side of PUA. This is potentially very damaging to women and should NOT be abused. But understanding the relationship between attraction, compliance, and value will help you view your interactions with women in a whole new light. It's a fundamental concept to understand.
And that is that people are usually attracted to others who they see as having equal or more value than themselves. That when a woman is attracted to you she will automatically be compliant to certain things. And that you can slowly build enough compliance within her that you not only get sex, but for her to buy you things and do things for you. Even as far as to lay her life for you or go into prostitution. Again, this is NOT to be abused.
Through a system of punishment and reward you can build heavy compliance in a woman. DiCarlo states how many men view things in a way that if he takes her out and buys her things that she will kiss him. That if he gets into a relationship with her she will give him access to sex regularly. While on the other hand you can build enough compliance in her that you not only get sex, but you don't have to buy her anything or even take her on one...single...date.
"Attraction is the result of withheld compliance. Whatever compliance a girl feels she deserves but doesn't yet have, produces attraction to you, the source of value. Screening and qualification is what makes her feel as though your compliance is worth pursuing. The best way to engage a girl, therefore is to demonstrate high value and produce relevant qualification."
It's an illusion to think that being more compliant creates compliance on her part. Think about it. How many times did you do something for a woman because you had the belief you'd get something out of it? How many times have you broken your back to do something for her only to get a kiss on the cheek? And then you feel like some kind of winner for getting such a great reward for all your hard work. We value what we feel we have earned. If you create the perception that she has to earn you, she will value you. Simple as that.
I know this was a bit long, but hopefully it was entertaining and enlightening enough that you didn't notice Hope this helps and, as always, good luck to you guys.