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Thread: Oneitis striking back after improving my game

  1. #1
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Oneitis striking back after improving my game

    So there is this one girl... we've all heard it, right?

    Long time ago, I used to have serious oneitis every time a pretty girl showed a tiny bit of interest. "She likes me, I should follow her everywhere! "

    Then, my game improved, and I realized that a girl showing interest is nothing crazy. Actually, I can safely say now that as long as I keep my game tight, most girls are interested in me.

    So then, I became more demanding. I figured what I was looking for. I go on dates with 3-4 hot girls a week, and I filter as soon as possible who I'm interested in or not. I choose.

    And then, it happened again.

    Random girl, toughest game I've met, sh!t tests all over the place, biggest friendzone I've ever seen. Literally surrounded by a dozen of orbiters and friendzoned dudes every minute of the day.

    Started as a challenge to get her interested, as I thought it would improve my game (as a side note: it did. I can handle all the sh!t tests I'll ever face now). Problem is, she is exactly like the kind of girl I had been looking for, and she passed all my filters.

    But now that I finally met a girl that passed my filters, I start caring. And oneitis is back. Not as an AFC, but because I am actually experienced enough to know how rare the kind of girl is.

    I know what you will say, as I've said it to every oneitis'd guy before: get other girls. I did. I keep going on dates with other hot girls a couple of times a week. But this oneitis is messing up my game.

    My whole game is about me not giving a fuck about anything. I am funny because I don't give a fuck about what people think of what I'm doing. I neg pretty hard because I don't care whether a girl is offended or not. I Kino easily because I don't give a fuck, I want to do it, I do it.

    But as soon as I start caring, I start sucking. Especially when she tests me hard, or don't reply for some time, I start worrying, and then insecurity, loss of confidence, all that. Maybe she's not replying because my game sucks? Maybe I don't know how to handle sh!t tests? Maybe I am not good at comfort, or escalation? And so on.

    So to sum up my situation. I improved my game enough that now I go for quality girls only. But now that I've found one, oneitis is coming back.

    I'll work on strengthening my confidence, but any comment or insight is more than welcome.
    Seduction is a martial art. Reading books and talking to experts is important, and helpful. But you won't progress unless you go out there and fight.

  2. #2
    PUcowboy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oneitis striking back after improving my game

    Ive experienced this too man. Girls I met in high school, before I even studied pua or anything, the girls that I thought were the real deal it ended in one way or another, and from time to time now in college Ill see them or something and it brings back old memories. How I deal with it is simple, i move on. And the only reason i moved on from them is they are old news. Now if i meet a new girl that im trying to game such as your situation, that's a different story. Your trying to game her correct? Well my advice would be to do exactly what you said, keep in mind not to show that your falling, especially if she isn't showing anything. If she thinks of you as one of her little douche orbiting friend zoned chumps then walk away and never look back, its just a waste of time at that point, but i don't know what your conversations are like to know more than that

  3. #3
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Oneitis striking back after improving my game

    Oh, I'm gaming her, I'm gaming her, but man... I feel like I'm sparring a super-saiyan haha. Here is an example of a text exchange (copied from an analysis I did for my local fellow wingman, brackets are my comments for him):

    Me: Jeez, I suck at staring contests
    Her: Who you staring at?
    Me: At yo butt, gurl
    Her: Are you trying to flirt with me? You're doing an horrible job [aouch]
    Me: Damn. "I'm starin at yo butt gurl" was my best flirting line, Im screwed.
    Her: Hahahaha guess you need a better one [interest]
    Me: Bah, I can just switch back to my french ones. Like "Je mate tes fesses, mademoiselle"
    Her: Haha. No one can understand you. That doesn't help
    Me: Bah, who cares what it means? Sounds so romantic! [that was weak]
    Her: Haha not really tho...... [aouch]
    Me: Wow, if you're resistant to my frenchness, what am I going to do? You're not ready for my special moves yet
    Her: Lmfao! What special moves? [interest]
    Me: Ah, I can't say. Else you'll be even more all over me, that would be embarassing. I don't want to have to friendzone you. [that's when I stop giving a fark and just go high risk high reward]
    Her: Kid you're already friendzoned! [aouch]
    Me: That's cute [ignore]
    Her: Haha you mad? [test AGAIN]
    Me: Why? [ignore]
    Her: Omg! Come kidnap me from work! [private joke, but interest]
    Me: Damn special moves, too powerful. [keeping my frame, gurl!]
    Her: Lol what?
    Me: Don't even start to use them, and the girl already asks me to kidnap her, damn.
    But I'm busy right now, we'll have to run away to Canada some other day. [I got my own life, and I'm still not entering that friendzone]
    Her: Lol don't talk to me in third person! So rude!
    Me: And now she's mad. [still not giving a fark.]
    Her: Haha. Just kidding. I like you [Game. Set. Farking match.]
    So yeah, really really tough game. The "I like you" is the first real clean hit I got, but I know that if I let my guard down even once I'm dead.

    Basically, I'm thinking of using more and more "high-risk / high-reward" stuff. This way, either it works and that's great, or it ends and I can move on.
    Seduction is a martial art. Reading books and talking to experts is important, and helpful. But you won't progress unless you go out there and fight.

  4. #4
    PUcowboy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oneitis striking back after improving my game

    Quote Originally Posted by Mikalichov View Post
    Oh, I'm gaming her, I'm gaming her, but man... I feel like I'm sparring a super-saiyan haha. Here is an example of a text exchange (copied from an analysis I did for my local fellow wingman, brackets are my comments for him):



    So yeah, really really tough game. The "I like you" is the first real clean hit I got, but I know that if I let my guard down even once I'm dead.

    Basically, I'm thinking of using more and more "high-risk / high-reward" stuff. This way, either it works and that's great, or it ends and I can move on.
    Oh man! at first I was like oh no where is he going with this, abort abort! but once you started not caring is when it seemed to pay off. Buddy, keep dishing that out to her and show her whos boss, even when she said the I like you part I can tell she is interested but still seeing if she can get you to let your guard down so she can add to her douche orbit. Don't let your guard down! And man I could use some of those lines for sure, definitely need some advice

  5. #5
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oneitis striking back after improving my game

    Hah! Love it. Yea the one girl that I fondly remembered was a girl like this who had spirit. She can keep things interesting, keep up with your jabs, and really keep you on your toes. So I can see why you really like her. I also made a post about one-itis (something that was chronic for me in the past) in a different thread, so not going to repeat it here because as a PUA you already know what to do.

    If this girl is realllly good what she will do to drive you crazier is a push/pull. There will be moments where she will leave herself vulnerable, reveal something to you personal about her....

    AND then goes back into this routine.

    So this attraction you are feeling towards her is essentially similar attraction women feel towards a man, EXCEPT now you get a glimpse into how they feel. It's what you can't get that you want the most.

    The high risk/high reward sounds like a plan. It depends on how long you want to chase. A girl like this is fun, but exhausting. Can't keep it up forever. And when you start caring and then it falls apart, it is a sh1tty feeling. You don't want to go there. So maybe best cut the chase.

    Hope it fairs well.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Oneitis striking back after improving my game

    I like tangible evidence like the text convo you provided. It's not subject to ones own interpretation.

    She qualified the sh1t out of you man. Lol. And you haven't really successfully reversed it on her. Just re-read and you'll see. Like when she said your flirting was horrible. And that you need a better one. Or that no one can understand you and it doesn't help. And even her telling you that you are already friendzoned. Then when you shut down in conversation she knew you were mad and switched the topic to keep you talking. This chick.....is good. No wonder she has so many orbiters. You have found yourself a worthy challenge my friend. Learn well from this experience. Understand and master frame control because she is maintaining the frame that she is the prize throughout that whole conversation.

    P.S. I think that convo was your friend speaking and not you. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Regardless my opinion still stands
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  7. #7
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Oneitis striking back after improving my game

    Quote Originally Posted by PUcowboy View Post
    Oh man! at first I was like oh no where is he going with this, abort abort! but once you started not caring is when it seemed to pay off. Buddy, keep dishing that out to her and show her whos boss, even when she said the I like you part I can tell she is interested but still seeing if she can get you to let your guard down so she can add to her douche orbit. Don't let your guard down! And man I could use some of those lines for sure, definitely need some advice
    Haha thanks man! But yeah, I'm fighting for my life there, and her "I like you" definitely destabilized me. I handled it by acknowledging it but not caring, seems like it worked.

    Quote Originally Posted by I.M.Mortal View Post
    So this attraction you are feeling towards her is essentially similar attraction women feel towards a man, EXCEPT now you get a glimpse into how they feel. It's what you can't get that you want the most.
    Yeah, she's actually teaching me some PUA stuff without realizing. She once... took me on a date haha. That was perfect game. Like "Hey, you free Sunday? Ok, let's do this thing. 5pm or 6pm? Ok, come pick me up at that spot." and then "ok, that was fun, let's go get something to eat. What do you want to eat? Oh no, let's go to this place instead, it's awesome, you will love it". I was half ashamed half impressed... I was getting picked up by a pro

    Quote Originally Posted by I.M.Mortal View Post
    The high risk/high reward sounds like a plan. It depends on how long you want to chase. A girl like this is fun, but exhausting. Can't keep it up forever. And when you start caring and then it falls apart, it is a sh1tty feeling. You don't want to go there. So maybe best cut the chase.
    Yeah, that's a good point. I recently realized that I was actually exhausted at the end of the day, which is not something I thought could happen with just gaming.

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    P.S. I think that convo was your friend speaking and not you. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Regardless my opinion still stands
    Nope, that was a convo of me and her, with my comments in brackets - my friend wanted to see how tough she was, so I sent him this as an example.

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    She qualified the sh1t out of you man. Lol. And you haven't really successfully reversed it on her. Just re-read and you'll see. Like when she said your flirting was horrible. And that you need a better one. Or that no one can understand you and it doesn't help. And even her telling you that you are already friendzoned. Then when you shut down in conversation she knew you were mad and switched the topic to keep you talking. This chick.....is good. No wonder she has so many orbiters. You have found yourself a worthy challenge my friend. Learn well from this experience. Understand and master frame control because she is maintaining the frame that she is the prize throughout that whole conversation.
    Yep, that's the one thing I have trouble with. I got good attraction, and I built good comfort - went on dates just together, future plans, private jokes, we have a good "we" going on.

    But I've seen how she did, I've seen her MO. I've seen her friendzone a stranger in 5mn, that was ridiculously painful. And so I felt that comfort was good, but if I didn't qualify myself I would be friendzone faster than I can say "friendzone". So since then, I've started to make her understand that yeah, I'm hitting on her. That's why I talk about her butt, that's why when she asks if I'm hitting on her I don't deny, I admit, that's why I ignore her saying I'm in the friendzone, and so on. Basically, my stance is that "I'm not your friend, I'm not your buddy, I'm here to hit on you, or die trying"

    But yeah, that's definitely tough. I don't have enough comfort to safely go through the rest, but enough comfort to end up in the friendzone, and at the same time I need to maintain attraction, try not to become her text buddy, and so on.

    But to be honest, I have to admit that I love playing a game that tough
    Seduction is a martial art. Reading books and talking to experts is important, and helpful. But you won't progress unless you go out there and fight.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Oneitis striking back after improving my game

    I get what you're saying. You want to show interest because you don't want to be friend zoned like the others. In my opinion that's a risky Mindset.

    I had an experience where I met a girl while I was in a relationship so I friendzoned her. A couple weeks after, I broke up with my gf and decided to hit on my new friend. But I did some dumb things to try and get out of the friends zone. Almost like I was trying to impress her. Sooooo AFC.

    Then I realized it's because I had the mindset that "I'm in the friendzone and need to get out of it" which caused my AFC behavior. So I began to behave as if I was never in the friendzone to begin with and that she wanted me....badly. Then we slept together two weeks later.

    So you're mindset right now is "She friendzones everyone. If I convey interest then she can't friendzone me." Which in essence, is falling into her frame that you need to prove something to her. In my opinion I think you should behave as if she already wants you, but has to prove to you why she should get you. Reverse it on her and flip the script. But those are just my thoughts on it.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  9. #9
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Oneitis striking back after improving my game

    ..how dare you have all this knowledge under your belt look at how you turned this around and yet you are reaction seeking..
    Yes another case of she like you we get it but then why should you frame your tools as something to get a reaction out of her.
    Me: Bah, I can just switch back to my french ones. Like "Je mate tes fesses, mademoiselle"
    Her: Haha. No one can understand you. That doesn't help

    This where you kind of went off onto seek her reaction.remember she stated that doesn't help.

    Your opener was dlv and also starring at her butt.Next time use another opener you have that doesn't imply you are check her out.it may creep some girls out.
    On one itis look yes i have had one itis girls and still have them in my life and i'll tell you this they are just girls you put value on.they are no different.see them as you worked with them they decided they were attracted and now it on your terms only you have to just keep amplifying the attraction.period.
    use what lies on you to garner what you want.

  10. #10
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Oneitis striking back after improving my game

    Quote Originally Posted by HardRock View Post
    Your opener was dlv and also starring at her butt.Next time use another opener you have that doesn't imply you are check her out.it may creep some girls out.
    This was not my opener, it was part of a longer conversation (I've never opened her actually, she initiates every convo).

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    So you're Mindset right now is "She friendzones everyone. If I convey interest then she can't friendzone me." Which in essence, is falling into her frame that you need to prove something to her. In my opinion I think you should behave as if she already wants you, but has to prove to you why she should get you. Reverse it on her and flip the script. But those are just my thoughts on it.
    Yeah, I see your point, thanks. It's true that I have the worst difficulties qualifying her - and this is actually a recurring point in my game, as even though I am looking for given things in girls, I keep on forgetting to make them prove it to me.

    I've done a bit, telling her several times that I liked funny girls, girls without humor were not interesting, and all that. Oh, and I told her I loved sassy girls, so maybe all her snarkiness is her trying to qualifyung herself?

    But yeah, I will push more on making her prove herself worthy (and make her feel she needs to), and just keep enough "I'm hitting on you" banter to not fall into the friendzone.

    On another note, speaking about it here reduced a bit the oneitis, thanks guys!
    Seduction is a martial art. Reading books and talking to experts is important, and helpful. But you won't progress unless you go out there and fight.


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