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  1. #1
    Wolf24's Avatar
    Wolf24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Wolf on Ego and Value

    I'd like to share my thoughts on the linkage between ego and value. I believe that most people confuse them with each other or neglect the link between them.


    Ego, basically, means the self. It starts to build up by the day we get born. Ego has many different definitions in science but in popular culture it's mainly linked to confidence.

    People usually think like, if a person has high ego, he/she is super confident and most likely is arrogant and/or selfish. And you can figure the opposite scenario.

    Ego belongs to you only. Every individual has their own unique egos. How you project this ego to other people will distinguish your place in the society. This is where value comes.


    Value shows exactly where you stand in the society as status. Low value means you suck. High value means you rock. But to demonstrate our value properly to other people, we need the help of our ego desperately.

    Ego & Value

    At the start, I said ego is linked to confidence. If you aren't confident you can't demonstrate your value. If you are too humble, people won't take your value seriously. If you are not a bit selfish while telling your dhv stories, people won't care. People remember about the lead roles not the side roles.

    When we were kids, most of us were raised to have high value. Our parents forced us to take those piano lessons, join sports teams, do some activity, gain independent experience. Our value was actually higher than most people by the time we were in high school/college, but we needed our ego to demonstrate these values.

    However, our parents always told us that ego is bad. They told us that high ego will make people hate us. So, we kept a low profile. We've never been super confident, arrogant or selfish. So we just waited for someone to magically discover our higher value.

    Our parents or society never told us that there was a thin line between having a high ego and egoism. I know arrogance and selfishness are strong words, but we need to be arrogant and selfish. We only need to be careful about not stepping over the egoism line.

    I'm not going to give detailed explanation on egoism because everyone has the subconscious ability to locate this thin line between high ego and egoism.

    Let me give you an example to clarify the topic.

    Suppose you're in a club and you know almost everybody. This means your social proof is through the roof, which ultimately means your value is high. So once you realize this, you enter a high-ego state. You can pretty much act like you own the place and people will actually respect you and possibly believe you as the owner of the place, seeing that you know all those people.

    However, if you keep a low-ego state while you have the same value by acting too humble, people will catch this vibe, see your weakness and try to put you down.

    Another case is that, if your ego is too high above your value, (if you act like you own the place when you don't know anybody) you'll just be a douche.

    My suggestion is to keep your ego state around your value. Your value can change with your mood, the location, people, so it's rather public, while your ego is private. Ego is only yours to adjust. You'll always work to increase your value but it will only take a second to adjust your ego level from low to high or high to low. Increase your value before projecting your high-ego state.

    Need feedback on this guys, so that I can determine if it's worth to expand this theory onto amoging.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  2. #2
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Wolf on Ego and Value

    This is pretty interesting. Definitely agree with the explanation on ego, and I definitely agree with the explanation on value; both are very solid. I wouldn't say that without confidence, you can't display value. You can display value when you are timid, but it won't come across as good.

    I think of value as a racing car, and the ego is like your octane: the more you have, the better your car will perform. Speed is everything in a race, and a high amount of octane will allow you to smoke the competition. If you have low octane, you will still go a decent speed, but it would be like driving a compact semi versus the competition. So when you think about it, a small ego won't stop you from showing value, but it will seem like you aren't doing anything compared to someone with a very large ego.

    I also wouldn't say that because of our parents we become bestowed with a small ego. Some kids will revolt against their parents, and that is when they develop massive egos, and some parents raise their kids to have massive egos. I have seen both.

    Take me for example. I used to be very humble because of my autism. Because I could not socialize normally and I had no idea how to be like my peers, I would often work to appease everyone and try to fit in with multiple groups. Some people saw me as high value because I was a great athlete, I was smart, and I had talent in music. However, in an effort to gain the acceptance and approval of everyone, I kept my ego at almost zero. It was not a lack of parenting, or over-parenting for that matter, that caused my low ego. It was the lack of knowledge and ability that caused it.

    One last thing I can add to this is the line on being arrogant and selfish. I 110% agree with this. Indecisiveness, shyness, and a whole lot of other bad traits can be caused by a lack of selfishness. We have become so worried about everyone else and how they will react to something that we have abandoned our own desire to appease ourselves. A true leader is not only able to think about himself, but think about others as well.

    With my dorm room for college, I took on full charge. I told my roommates what I wanted, and then I took what they wanted and put forward the option best for everyone. When somebody tried to back out, or pull some moves that would result in the rest of the group getting screwed over, I slammed my foot down and said no. People who are self-centered all the time are hated, but those who are never self-centered are considered weak. Like an Aristotlean Ethic, there are two extremes to this equation, and the answer is an appropriate balance of both.

    Overall, this is some pretty good stuff. I would like to see what you have to say further on this matter in the tangent you have proposed.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

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