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  • 1 Post By afflixion
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  • 4 Post By TheDuke
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  • 1 Post By afflixion

Thread: 37, recently single, no local friends, no pick-up experience

  1. #1
    afflixion is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default 37, recently single, no local friends, no pick-up experience

    Hey,

    New to the site.

    (Sorry, don't know where the best place is for this - sure the mods will move it if needed...)

    About 6 months ago my relationship of nearly 10 years ended.

    I haven't been with anyone since. Before this relationship I was only with one other girl. So while I have plenty of experience in a relationship, and plenty of experience being single before that, I have effectively zero experience in starting new relationships / pickup / dating.

    I was painfully shy as a teen / young adult. I've overcome that, though I'm still not really comfortable striking up a conversation with strangers (unless there's some reason, like at a business function, or some other situation where I already know I have something in common with people I'm talking to).

    The main problem I have at the moment is my social circle has disappeared. Over the years all of my local friends have moved away and everyone I've dealt with socially has been my ex's friends or "our" friends (who are now also "her" friends). I ran my own solo business for several years and the only other people I was meeting were clients. In the office where I worked the last few years everyone was my parents' age and while we all got along well there was never any interest in socialising outside work (either by them or me). I don't even have any family nearby. So all of a sudden I find myself not just single but ENTIRELY alone. I WANT to go out, I'd love to start meeting some new people, but have literally nobody to go out with.

    How do I start? I'm back at square one but I feel like I don't even have a dice or a playing piece! How do you start your life again from scratch?

    To clarify: I'm not looking for another relationship. Frankly, at this point, I don't imagine myself ever being in a monogamous long-term relationship again. Been there, done that. I just want to have fun. Meet new people. Enjoy other people's company. Get laid - a lot. (Hell I might even try guys - only live once!) I just don't know where to start.

  2. #2
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    Ice Breaker is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: 37, recently single, no local friends, no pick-up experience

    I know exactly how you feel. I just moved to a new city a couple days ago; I don't know anyone, don't have friends here; I'm basically in the same boat as you. I don't want a serious relationship either; I just want to get laid and have fun

    I would recommend pursuing some dreams, hobbies and/or interest you always wanted to get into to. Don't worry about trying to pickup chicks this hot moment. If your into sports, go play basketball, baseball, football and etc at a YMCA or group event or whatever. You'll meet people there, most likely all guys, but you can befriend them, hang with them and expand your social circle with their group of friends. If you have a couple days off work, take a short 2 day trip somewhere fun, like Las Vegas, Miami or whatever place you've been wanting to visit. These trips aren't even that expensive now days.

    For me, I like exciting, adrenaline filled and adventurous stuff. Once I'm set with a job and apartment, I plan on going skydiving, rappelling, paint balling, racing and other stuff. I also play guitar, so I would love to get hooked up in a band and start playing shows.

    Doing things that your passionate about, having an interest in a having fun naturally makes you look like a fun and spontaneous guy to be around. Then you can start sarging and meeting HB's. You'll have stories to tell about what you did on the weekend, you'll meet new people, which can expand your social circle and your having fun doing it... hopefully.

    The idea is to break your routine and stagnant lifestyle, by trying new things and meeting new people. You can't keep doing the same thing you've been doing and hope that your lifestyle will change.

    Anyway, hope that helps for now. I'm sure a more experienced PUA will come along soon and give some more insightful tips.

  3. #3
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    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: 37, recently single, no local friends, no pick-up experience

    Ok, let me give you guys the best advice I have ever read/heard with regards to building social circles and even PUA.

    ALL men have a universal commonality: WOMEN!

    What does this have to do with your problem you ask? It's simple, go out and be social with guys. Don't worry about pickup, just worry about meeting other guys you can hangout with. And the easiest way to do this? Talk about women. If a hottie passes by, turn to the guy beside you at the bar and pointer her out to him.

    I've met so many guys that I can sarge with or just grab a beer with this way. The other pointer I'd give is that men eat compliments up like you wouldn't believe. Guys don't get complimented ever, so when they do they're all over it. Tell a guy you like his shirt and you want to know where he got it. Now your in.

    The key is to build up your social circles and then start worrying about pick up. It's really easy, but it can be nerve racking to even go talk to another guy at first. But trust me, it's simple and a great way to build your social life.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  4. #4
    EliTurk89 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: 37, recently single, no local friends, no pick-up experience

    First off I just want to say that many of us started the same way man. Full beta mode. I suggest you read/Listen to Alpha Male by John Alexander. It will get you going. Its amazing how much you change if you practice the things in the audio book. Then you have to force yourself to start going out and talking to people. Start there. Post your approaches so we can help you and get you moving faster. Don't worry man, you got this man.

  5. #5
    afflixion is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: 37, recently single, no local friends, no pick-up experience

    Thanks for the feedback guys, all good advice. A lot of it was on my mind, but sometimes you need to hear it from someone else to make it real.

    Interesting point about guys not receiving compliments...

    And yeah, I'm not too worried about hooking up immediately - hell, right now I'd be happy with a 2 minute conversation, lol.

    Not really into (team) sports, but I've started making a list of all the "fun" stuff I'd like to do / learn etc. - see how that goes. And I will certainly check back in later with a progress report ;-)

  6. #6
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    TomInVegas is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: 37, recently single, no local friends, no pick-up experience

    Quote Originally Posted by afflixion View Post
    Thanks for the feedback guys, all good advice. A lot of it was on my mind, but sometimes you need to hear it from someone else to make it real.

    Interesting point about guys not receiving compliments...

    And yeah, I'm not too worried about hooking up immediately - hell, right now I'd be happy with a 2 minute conversation, lol.

    Not really into (team) sports, but I've started making a list of all the "fun" stuff I'd like to do / learn etc. - see how that goes. And I will certainly check back in later with a progress report ;-)
    Hey Afflixion - Your honesty and vulnerability about this time in your life is Awesome! I've been there too and it can seem really bleak. I was married for 12 years and lost all but one friend from the social circle that we had. Looking back now, I don't regret that one bit. I got into pickup and started to make a lot of new, younger and cooler friends. Most of my social circle is much younger than me, but are much more socially intelligent than guys my age.

    Go out to clubs with guys to meet women, but also find things that you really enjoy doing as well. I really got into bike riding and improv comedy. Join some meetup groups and find new social circles. You are really free to create a whole new life. Take advantage of that and make it the best story you can. It will likely take you places that you never imagined possible. I know that mine has.

    Cheers!

    Tom


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