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  • 1 Post By hometownextra

Thread: body language at a party

  1. #1
    andrewkrs27 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default body language at a party

    Im going to this cute girls party tonight and i need some advice. heres some info.

    whats your take on subconscious signals like pointing your feet at someone or mirroring? theres a girl in my improv class who id go for but i never have any idea whats in her head. her arms are always crossed, which may be just more comfortable. yesterday for the first time her feet seemed to point to me a lot, i noticed a distinct change in when she started. there was some sexual banter but that was part of out scenes, the class was about making innocuous statements and turning them into funny scenes and we got partnered. when it was her turn, she went sexual several times (we did it a lot) but she also frequently went with telling me its not going to happen. I'm going to her party tomorrow night and i was surprised she invited me at the time b/c i thought she wasn't a fan. not necessarily didn't like me, just not nothing me and wouldn't want to bother. she was close with the girls, real feminist type, and i was surprised that some girls didn't know. she also told me she'd send me a link to the facebook page for the party and the next day i messaged her asking for the info and 3 days later she messaged me the info privately with an emoticon smiley.
    in general, she talks to me when we are alone or close to it but she usually stops or talks to everyone else as much as possible.

    everything in person did happen last night. i know she single, or at least was last week, b/c while a few weeks ago i overheard her telling some girls in class about a good date she went on and IF she called him she'd go out again and a week or so ago she posted online about trying to make eyes with the cutie at starbucks.

    whats your take on the body language, which last night seemed to contradict itself, and what would you do about her, if it helps, she seems to be the feminist type?

  2. #2
    beta is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: body language

    how was your body langue? I never know about the feet thing or arms crossed I more understand with eye signals and Kino..

    its things like arm touching.. constantly looking at me when she thinks I don't notice... which is something you have to train yourself to see.. kino and Eye Signals are something worth understanding.


    "body language women`

    this is a google search that may help you

  3. #3
    D1v1ou$$'s Avatar
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    Default Re: body language

    Usually crossed arms is a sign of not wanting to open up to anyone, you would know shes attracted to you by her position facing you when talking, exposing her neck, and looking you in the eye while talking. All in all she might be sh1t testing you to see how you react to her openly telling you there's no chance, dhv and show her you have options.
    You can't miss something you've never had, but I can be sure she will regret her opportunity...

    Better known as Debauchivalrious...

  4. #4
    andrewkrs27 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: body language at a party

    i don't remember clearly anymore but, aside from the arms, i think she did all those. whats dhv and how can i show her i have options? would it still be a Sh1t Test if it was a performance meant to be funny? that was my 9th week with her and i don't REMEMBER her doing those before but that doesn't mean anything and it did feel like she was trying do something besides acting and wasn't being mean but i tend to read too much into this sort of thing

    I'm going to a party at her place tonight

  5. #5
    andrewkrs27 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: body language at a party

    girls rarely touch me. I've learned not to read too much into it. one girl last night put both her hands on my shoulders but she asked very little about me and i couldn't maintain her attention at all when her friend was with her.

    as far as this girl, she hasn't touched me at all, i don't think. I'm not sure if i saw her looking at me. Kino, i suck at. i can also never seem to maintain eye contact. i try, but unless i actively think about it, it gets away from me and i look away.

  6. #6
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: body language at a party

    dhv: Demonstration of higher value. Show her that your social standing is one above hers.

    The body language readings come with time. And even when you get good at noticing signs of attraction, you still have to use more intuition than anything. Reading someones body language to see what they are thinking is impossible. Reading someones body language to see what they are feeling is difficult. Ultimately, its a crap shoot.

    Someone standing with their arms crossed doesn't necessarily mean they are closed off. It may just be what feels comfortable from them in that moment. The feet can be a decent indicator to what interests someone, but again they may have just gotten comfortable standing that way. Don't waste your time trying to analyze every piece of body language, you'll spend more time thinking than doing, and action is critical.

    Work on some inner game stuff man. Your inability to hold eye contact is typically an indicator of a lowered self esteem. Not a bad thing, but something that could be worked on. Start holding eye contact with everyone, anywhere you go. Make it a point to hold the gaze until they look away first. Then, start saying hi to everyone you pass. Eventually you can ask how they're doing and maybe move into a conversation. Unfortunately this is usually a slow process, like working out at the gym, it takes time and dedication but the juice is always worth the squeeze.

    Hopefully this party went well for ya. From the sound of it, your going to need to hold a strong frame if you wanna snag this girl. Start asserting yourself and work on bantering. Lighten things up with her and try to Kino a little in class. That should help establish some baseline. If all else fails, try to get her liquored up

  7. #7
    andrewkrs27 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: body language at a party

    I actually posted what happened under a different thread so i copied and pasted. I would like a take on this.

    i got back from the party at 2 am, having left her house at 1:40 am, and I'm confused. idk what to make of it. is this just friendly or was it more. I'm very thrown.

    the party started at 9:30 and i got there at 10:15, fashionably late. i wasn't last but the party had been well started. she seemed surprisingly happy to see me, but given that she usually nothings me, that doesn't mean much. when i got there and she buzzed me in (idk if this means anything, as i don't get invited to many parties) i didn't even say my name. i just said hey and she immediately buzzed me up and she waited for me at the door. i don't remember if she hugged me or grabbed my arm or what she did but i don't think it was nothing. she said something like I'm sooo glad you made it, let me introduce you, etc. nothing was insincere. I've seen her act. she's talented but i watch actors (professional, amateur, and her) enough to have an idea if someone is putting on a show.

    she started introducing me to a bunch of her friends, so far i only knew 1 person there but there were a lot and she gave up after like 5 or 6 of her friends and her sister. I'm told that its really good if someone introduces you to their friends, only thing better is their family. i doubt this counts but i really don't know considering I'm the only person i [literally] saw being introduced around. i use the qualifier literally b/c i assume that, in the beginning, if someone didn't know someone she introduced them. i was also outside when some people came in, though i doubt i was out long enough for introductions but who knows. also i know that there was a couple that came and weren't introduced but she could have also just decide with me there were too many people to try to do introductions and people should do it themselves. i think she did say that to me when she gave up with me, so maybe she gave up on even doing a couple introductions.

    there were a bunch of cute girls there (less than id expected, enough to try something) but unfortunately i choked a little and nothing came across as flirting, i think. also, my current medicine prevents me from drinking alcohol and causes dry mouth so when i got there my mouth got so dry so quick that i almost immediately sounded drunk off my ass. i think i covered well though, when she introduced me to her roommate and then left, her roommate offered me a drink i said it so quick and dry mouthed the words ran together so bad i had to repeat and say slower no thank you. then i covered and told her i came from another party and already had a bit to much to drink, then smirked a bit. she smiled and kinda chuckle/laughed and asked if i wanted some water. i made a joke about my i probably should and my needing sobering up. there was a joke i made to her hot sister but i think it came across as more creepy, she clearly forgot about it quickly but i kinda lost it after that.

    i had a hard time talking to people and was a little overwhelmed so i decided to stop trying to make conversation with the women who clearly weren't having it anyway (katelyn was too busy talking to people and i decided it was best to give her space and let her come to me if at all. i figured id look bad trying navigate the crowd and desperate if anyone made the obvious guess why, not to mention the fact that i was having difficulty talking in general and would look pretty bad in general) and i started to talk to the guys, who were friendly. she had a bunch of guys (at this point just gay guys, if thats relevant to how i come across to the people who saw me) and i ended up talking to them for quite a while. they were nice and their careers/schooling was a former hobby of mine so it was easy to connect with them and we talked for a while. the reason I'm emphasizing this is b/c i know that everyone says that in social situations you should let the girls see you talk to other people. i can't remember if it was specific if it was just girls or not. we went outside for a little while cause the apt was warm and we needed fresh air.

    idk if my specifying their sexuality came across as my caring so i just want to say, on a side note, i couldn't care less. as far as I'm concerned to each his own. I'm not for or against, i just don't give a damn. its their business, not mine or anyone else's. the only reason i brought it up is because the books say SOMETHING about making sure girls see you socialize. i liked talking to them anyways so whatever you say here isn't actually relevant, its more a mild curiosity, but i don't remember what the book said and if it was just other girls idk. though I'm betting that its just seeing you talk to people as a people person. also considering how much the girls there liked them, it can only help, right?

    when i came inside i saw some people i knew showed up so i talked to them for a while and we got closer. the girl who threw the party, thats confusing me (katelyn, so i can save typing and confusion later), was close to them so she joined us shortly after i did. then the tinder conversation started. katelyn is real into tinder and a girl that i was talking to had a date from tinder on sunday so katelyn started asking about it. katelyn may have said she did too, i dot recall. the way katelyn talked, i get the feeling its less about the guys she's talking and more about the prospect of meeting someone. i think she definitely wants a relationship.

    after that i started talking to her sister and her sisters friend. lately and her sister brought up how crazy close they were and how they were the best sisters and how everybody says that but they were actually true. her sister and friend are both still in school. i don't know the age of her sister but I'm guessing the same as the friend who was about 2 years younger than me. katelyn is i think 3 years older than me, while I'm on the subject. anyway we talked about school and i became friends with the friend and so on. then everyone kinda gathered near us till the party died down. the sisters friend is a boy, i forgot to mention. they didn't say wether or not they were dating, and the way i left makes this relevant.

    eventually the only people left were me katelyn, her roommate, her sister, and her sisters friend. my plan was to offer to help clean up but it became clear that they weren't planning to do any real cleaning, at best stacking the cups and blowing out the remaining candles. i felt if i offered id look needy. when the last person, aside from me and that guy, left katelyn said to me (not the guy) "are you leaving to?" it was definitely not forced or anything, it seemed like she asked cause it looked like everyone was leaving and not like she was trying to get rid of me. still, it felt like i should "punish" her so i said something like "i wasn't, why, should i be taking a hint or something?" with a smirk. she scrambled with the no's, it just looked like everyone was going, etc. then we talked for a few more moments about nothing special but her roommate was wrapped up in a blanket on the couch and i got the sense that she was done and ready for the apt to be empty. the main reason i hadn't left yet was cause that guy was there and so was her sister and i thought the party wasn't done yet. there was also the small hope that "something" could happen with someone. it occurred to me at that moment that the sister may be staying there that night and what if the boy was with the sister and staying there or he was with her and they were gonna leave together but the crazy close sisters wanted be together longer or something. i decided it was better that i go before they had the chance to ACTUALLY be sick of me. i got the distinct vibe that they weren't there yet but if i didn't leave soon, they might be. everybody kept their coats in katelyns room she led me in to get mine. there were 2 things on the bed so she said (i get the impression for the sole purpose of just to keep taking) "which is yours, oh wait this is mine," she paused so i joked "well, it sure aint mine" i chuckled "oooh, you don't want this beautiful scarf, fine, "she said, jokingly, curtly, "i'll keep it for myself" we left her room and she promptly hugged me, kinda tight, and said "I'm so glad you were able to make it tonight"
    i held her back. i definitely didn't hold on longer. we either let go at the same time or i let go first barely. she caught me by surprise and I'm not touchy feely. i know that if i didn't hug her back, thats bad. i know if i let go to quick, thats friends. the hug didn't feel long, to me, but i also know that I'm no good at gauging it, usually going for longer, and i thing it was a long one for a not socially awkward person. after we let go she said see you in class on wednesday. i said bye, the others there said bye so i said bye then she sad byes again so i said byes again and she may have did one more but i can't remember.

    I'm not good at social interaction in general so i was really hoping you could break this down. i wrote below what i really need help with and what i think would be easiest for us both but truth be told, I'm so confused by tonight, id be grateful even if you just wrote a sentence.

    the things i think i have trouble with are what i did well, what i need to do different, what other people did that was good, what other people did that was a bad sign, and what I'm overanalyzing. since this one is so long, i went through it and broke it into different paragraphs b/c i figure the easiest way for you to do it and me to understand what you say is if your notes were broken down by those same paragraphs. that way theres less you need to type and its easier to keep both our thoughts organized.

  8. #8
    hometownextra's Avatar
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    Default Re: body language at a party

    Food for thought, the normal human in all life situations has piss poor body language the only way to correct it for sure is to apply it to everyday life. When you correct your body language in daily life it will less likely affect you in social situations. If you are having trouble seeing bad body language a mirror or having someone record video of you will give you the best feedback. Be critical, if you watch yourself and feel uncomfortable then you need to correct something. As you are tuning in body language you will not feel as horrified watching yourself. When getting someone to video your body language best results happen when you do not feel they are recording you.

    Spend time tuning body language for more than just pick up trust me it helps in all aspects of your life. Business, personal, social....
    Learn to be a better person not a better player.

  9. #9
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: body language at a party

    You've got a conscious man, that's good. When you find what your looking for out of the game, most likely confidence, your going to be a person people want to be around. Your shyness and over analytical point of view come from a general respect of other people's feelings. You are in no way going to be a sociopath and can hold solace in knowing that you are, and forever will be an accepting person. And everyone loves to be accepted.

    With that being said, I have to tell you, you may have already lost this one. Of course this is just my opinion, and I could be very wrong. From the sound of it though, she appreciates you as a friend nothing more. However, there is a silver lining. You now have a hot friend who throws parties, and has hot friends. Perfect!

    Friend zone her yourself my man, and start your over haul. You want to know how to read body language, buy a book on it. You want to learn better body language, buy a book on it. You want to know more about the game, buy a book on it. I started out two years ago buying "The Game" by Neil Strauss. At the time I would get so nervous having to talk to people at a party that my teeth would actually chatter. I had to get drunk if I wanted to talk to anybody. It's been 2 years in the making and I can't even tell you what a difference putting in work has done. Don't get me wrong, I still get some aa and have off days where I couldn't give a fark to talk to anyone, but my confidence is ten fold.

    Start out with "the game." You can see Neil Strauss's journey and understand the time and components that go into helping you restructure. It's outdated, but it's like 6 bucks on Amazon, so buy the Mystery Method as well. It's got most of the terminology still used on here and is a fairly decent foundation for night game. Grab a book on body language, and any other game book that might peek you interest. I haven't read them myself yet, but I heard the "art of seduction" and the "48 laws of power" by Robert Green are good ones to start with. (Actually, I'm going to order those right now). There is a ton of stuff on gaming out there. Personally, I like to figure some of it out on my own. I listen to a couple Podcasts, Pickup Podcast, and the Daygame Podcast for a few tips here and there, but ultimately they're just rough guides. I have however, joined a Toastmasters club and despite having at one time been exceptionally terrified to even stand in front of a group of people, am moving on to my third speech, and couldn't feel more comfortable doing it. Tremendous difference Toastmasters makes in the comfort you feel around people anywhere you go. I'd look into it.

    I'm far from being a natural. And by no means am any sort of master pickup artist now, but I can't even described to you the difference it makes when you step out of your comfort zone, just a little at a time, and take some chances. It might take a couple years, but eventually, katelyn will have wished she cradled your balls when she had the chance. I'll guarantee it. Best of luck to ya bro.

  10. #10
    hometownextra's Avatar
    hometownextra is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: body language at a party

    Last edited by hometownextra; 11-04-2013 at 06:48 PM. Reason: Advisement
    Learn to be a better person not a better player.


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