I don't intend for this post to be received well. Most of us here avoid Oneitis like it is the plague. I'm here to offer a different perspective. I don't claim to be a PUA. I discovered the community after I had already somehow fallen into bed with a lot of different women. The community just gave names to the things I was already doing. The reason I hang around is to help out the guys who don't have it that easy. That being said, I want to tell you about how reframing oneitis has fixed my game. Take it or leave it.
Here's the story:
I met this girl a couple months ago. For the sake of this post I will call her Shelby. In the short time I have I known Shelby I have learned more about relationships and life than I ever thought possible.
In the beginning I played a solid game by PUA standards. I threw everything at her, carefully placed negs, push/pull, non-verbals, and a couple tactical freeze-outs. It worked to an extent. It got her to sleep with me, but it never completely won her over, so I tried to write her off. I tried to justify it countless different ways. I slept with a bunch of other girls, but she still found a way under my skin. I started coming apart because I'm self-destructive by nature, but then I figured it out. The problem wasn't her. It was me. It was my agenda and me wanting things from her.
Why I couldn't solve oneitis traditionally:
The long-standing PUA solution is to bed enough women until the want for that particular one fades away, but that didn't work for me. I guess I'm F*****up. I'll steal a quote from Californication, "There isn't a woman I haven't fallen in love with for 10 minutes or 10 years." I went straight to the root cause. My wants and my agenda.
I let Shelby back into my life, but I did it different this time. Here's the key: I got rid of my agenda. I stopped doing things to get her to want me. So all the PUA techniques went out the window, because everything I was doing, all the NEGs, all the push/pull, everything, was to get her to want me. I stopped running game. I stopped caring what she thought about me, or whether or not she wanted me. I started doing things because I appreciate her.
Here's part of the true story that sparked this post:
I went to bed early last night because I had to wake up early today. So this morning I woke up and stumbled out into my living room to see Shelby curled up on my couch. She was sleeping under a thin jacket, and it was obvious that she was cold. I didn't know how she got there or why she was there, I didn't care. I turned on my coffee machine and while it was brewing I went back into my room, grabbed a blanket and threw it in the dryer. I poured my cup of coffee and set it on the table, then went and got the blanket out of the dryer. She woke up just enough to smile, and while I was tucking the blanket in around her waist she faintly let out a few words. Three words to be exact.
Now, I didn't do it because I want her to have my kids. I didn't do it because I give a fark if it makes her want me more. I didn't high-five myself because I thought it was a good move towards winning her over. I did it because I appreciate her. I did it because I love women. I love to see them smile. I love to protect them. She might sleep with me tonight, she might not. Again, I don't care.
So if you take anything away from this let it be this:
You get oneitis because you have an agenda. You get oneitis because you are needy and need a women to want you. Forget your agenda. Do things because you love women, not because you want something from them, not because you want them to want you. Believe me, they can sense that. I understand that some of you might read this and think I'm soft. You might be afraid to be seen as a nice guy. I give zero farks. If you want to be seen as a bad boy let me tell you something, it has more to do with how you live your life than how you treat women. But that is a discussion for another time.