Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Results 1 to 5 of 5
Like Tree5Likes
  • 3 Post By TheGeneral
  • 2 Post By TheDuke

Thread: How Reframing Oneitis Fixed My Game.

  1. #1
    TheGeneral's Avatar
    TheGeneral is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 452, Level: 9
    Level completed: 4%, Points required for next Level: 48
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered250 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Location
    Midwest USA
    Posts
    65
    Points
    452
    Level
    9
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    25

    Default How Reframing Oneitis Fixed My Game.

    I don't intend for this post to be received well. Most of us here avoid Oneitis like it is the plague. I'm here to offer a different perspective. I don't claim to be a PUA. I discovered the community after I had already somehow fallen into bed with a lot of different women. The community just gave names to the things I was already doing. The reason I hang around is to help out the guys who don't have it that easy. That being said, I want to tell you about how reframing oneitis has fixed my game. Take it or leave it.

    Here's the story:
    I met this girl a couple months ago. For the sake of this post I will call her Shelby. In the short time I have I known Shelby I have learned more about relationships and life than I ever thought possible.

    In the beginning I played a solid game by PUA standards. I threw everything at her, carefully placed negs, push/pull, non-verbals, and a couple tactical freeze-outs. It worked to an extent. It got her to sleep with me, but it never completely won her over, so I tried to write her off. I tried to justify it countless different ways. I slept with a bunch of other girls, but she still found a way under my skin. I started coming apart because I'm self-destructive by nature, but then I figured it out. The problem wasn't her. It was me. It was my agenda and me wanting things from her.

    Why I couldn't solve oneitis traditionally:
    The long-standing PUA solution is to bed enough women until the want for that particular one fades away, but that didn't work for me. I guess I'm F*****up. I'll steal a quote from Californication, "There isn't a woman I haven't fallen in love with for 10 minutes or 10 years." I went straight to the root cause. My wants and my agenda.

    Reframing oneitis:
    I let Shelby back into my life, but I did it different this time. Here's the key: I got rid of my agenda. I stopped doing things to get her to want me. So all the PUA techniques went out the window, because everything I was doing, all the NEGs, all the push/pull, everything, was to get her to want me. I stopped running game. I stopped caring what she thought about me, or whether or not she wanted me. I started doing things because I appreciate her.

    Here's part of the true story that sparked this post:
    I went to bed early last night because I had to wake up early today. So this morning I woke up and stumbled out into my living room to see Shelby curled up on my couch. She was sleeping under a thin jacket, and it was obvious that she was cold. I didn't know how she got there or why she was there, I didn't care. I turned on my coffee machine and while it was brewing I went back into my room, grabbed a blanket and threw it in the dryer. I poured my cup of coffee and set it on the table, then went and got the blanket out of the dryer. She woke up just enough to smile, and while I was tucking the blanket in around her waist she faintly let out a few words. Three words to be exact.

    Now, I didn't do it because I want her to have my kids. I didn't do it because I give a fark if it makes her want me more. I didn't high-five myself because I thought it was a good move towards winning her over. I did it because I appreciate her. I did it because I love women. I love to see them smile. I love to protect them. She might sleep with me tonight, she might not. Again, I don't care.

    So if you take anything away from this let it be this:
    You get oneitis because you have an agenda. You get oneitis because you are needy and need a women to want you. Forget your agenda. Do things because you love women, not because you want something from them, not because you want them to want you. Believe me, they can sense that. I understand that some of you might read this and think I'm soft. You might be afraid to be seen as a nice guy. I give zero farks. If you want to be seen as a bad boy let me tell you something, it has more to do with how you live your life than how you treat women. But that is a discussion for another time.

    Until Then,
    Adam

  2. #2
    TheDuke's Avatar
    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 18,053, Level: 92
    Level completed: 89%, Points required for next Level: 47
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social7 days registered10000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    813
    Points
    18,053
    Level
    92
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    772

    Default Re: How Reframing Oneitis Fixed My Game.

    I'm not saying that I pretty much covered this here. But I pretty much covered this here.

    But glad to see you came to some decent conclusions. Anyways, if you want to maintain a healthy relationship, the concepts taught by many PUAs still apply in LTRs, simply because those concepts are generally concepts of psychology. Being a decent human being doesn't preclude you from being a great PUA.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  3. #3
    Vere is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 1,414, Level: 22
    Level completed: 14%, Points required for next Level: 86
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social7 days registered1000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    SOUTH AFRICA
    Posts
    111
    Points
    1,414
    Level
    22
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    66

    Default Re: How Reframing Oneitis Fixed My Game.

    Great post Adam..I like your spirit and your unassuming personality
    Whether you think you can or you can't either way, you are right-To believe in the heroic makes heroes

  4. #4
    LockDown's Avatar
    LockDown is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 7,026, Level: 55
    Level completed: 38%, Points required for next Level: 124
    Overall activity: 17.0%
    Achievements:
    Social5000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    873
    Points
    7,026
    Level
    55
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    332

    Default Re: How Reframing Oneitis Fixed My Game.

    While I agree that you must be human, caring etc to women and that you have a point, I also disagree that PUA is against these.

    Pua is overcoming social barriers and learning how to be attractive to women. Oftentimes, PU is about the approach and starting out on the right foot with a girl. Once you have built the relationship up, you can totally stop certain things like begging (Push Pull is still useful tho).

    I think in your case 1 of 2 things happened. You either didn't read enough or brushed past some PU concepts or 2 you used PU techniques too strongly... Perhaps being too harsh.

    When u say you didn't care anymore, you really did become what Pu teaches... In the end, you are a man and you should do what you want on your own terms. Your priorites come first. If you have that Mindset, you are really understanding what it is to be alpha.
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde


  5. #5
    dave_xxx's Avatar
    dave_xxx is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 5,203, Level: 46
    Level completed: 27%, Points required for next Level: 147
    Overall activity: 40.0%
    Achievements:
    5000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Vancouver, Canada
    Posts
    466
    Points
    5,203
    Level
    46
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    237

    Default Re: How Reframing Oneitis Fixed My Game.

    Adam,

    The whole reason you got her on your couch in the first place is because of the material you used as a pua.

    Now, you did a great thing by putting the warm blanket on her. This is part of a pull move that a pua does. You pulled her in with the blanket move. It's your previous push moves that set it all up so that she could appreciate it.

    If you keep doing these kinds actions all the time she WILL begin to think she deserves them for no reason at all. She will get less and less appreciative of your kinds actions as time progresses because they will become a habit that she expects will carry forward.

    A spoiled child doesn't become spoiled over one or two gifts. They only become spoiled, unappreciative brats when you keep giving more and more until your giving becomes an absolute expectation by the child. At this point that habit becomes hard to break.

    I am not saying you shouldn't do kind things but you need to mix them up so when you do a nice thing it's something that's unexpected and she will appreciate it more.


Similar Threads

  1. Oneitis striking back after improving my game
    By Mikalichov in forum Members Lounge
    Replies: 10
    Last Thread: 07-26-2013, 10:36 AM
  2. Not an Ex more of a Oneitis
    By brodeisel in forum How To Get Your Ex Back
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 12-19-2012, 02:38 AM
  3. any good books about conversation or reframing
    By 1000stepss in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 09-05-2012, 08:58 PM
  4. server ... fixed (limited)
    By penguin in forum Isolating And Pulling
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 07-08-2012, 11:32 AM
  5. gave me # but her phone is getting fixed.. what to do?
    By SleekB in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 2
    Last Thread: 02-21-2010, 11:01 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com