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  1. #1
    lucifer7 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Contacting your ex when you're down

    By pure chance I'm in the same city as my ex.

    It's a very tough period for me.
    I don't know many people here, I don't go out much if at all (I feel bad spending money when I don't have an income), I haven't managed to find a good job so far despite my best attempts and all my family and closest friends are far away.

    She's outgoing and goes out often, knows many people, so I see her as a possible new friend and a great contact that could bring me back at least to social life.
    But at the same time I think it would be a bad idea.

    Everytime we met without being in a relationship it's gotten sexual and some feelings resurfaced, we haven't been in touch since almost 2 years after I cut off contact, and her last mail said she felt bad as she thought I was her best option for a relationship.


    What do you think?

  2. #2
    voyage is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Contacting your ex when you're down

    I am sure most guys totally get where you're coming from and we've all contacted an ex at one time or another. My advice would be not to do it as it sounds like it will only end bad for both of you.

    Of course, if you are thinking of getting back with her and not just running the risk of upsetting each other just so that you don't feel lonely, then do it.

    Best way for you to answer this situation is to imagine your best mate has just told you the same situation, what would you advise him to do. Then take that advice and apply it to yourself.

  3. #3
    lucifer7 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Contacting your ex when you're down

    I sneaked a peek now at her profile pic on Facebook, the only thing I can see as she's blocked (back then I believed a total cut off was the best thing).

    I was almost afraid she was living an amazing life and had nothing left for me or that she wouldn't want to meet me in a million years or that she'd happily meet me with a BF.

    I don't think these are good signs that would bode well for a meet up.

    I can see more ways it can go wrong that it can go good, with the only good way being she's single, still likes me, we have a great time with her group and we manage to restart a good and mutually satisfying friendship.
    Any other scenario wouldn't be too good.

    I suspect that what I'm looking for during a bad period is a glimpse of a previous time when I was happy and carefree, hoping of breathing a bit of that good spirit again.

  4. #4
    kylemc is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Contacting your ex when you're down

    Quote Originally Posted by lucifer7 View Post
    hoping of breathing a bit of that good spirit again.
    I feel you man, just remember you will be happier every day that you aren't with her. When you get the urge to contact her on any platform turn off your device. It's what I have been doing when I get the urge to contact a ex so far I haven't contacted one and dont plan to until my feelings towards them have subsided and only see them as friends
    "A man who stands for nothing, will fall for anything" - Malcom X

  5. #5
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    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Contacting your ex when you're down

    i wouldn't ignore her but i'd be clear with her that from each of your past encounters as much as it's been fun--it's probably not healthy for the future unless you both commit to each others as friends first before lovers. you both need to draw that line to define what your relationship is with each other. it's still possible just to be friends and not escalate--but there are those who take it a notch further for the benefits and its fine but you have to take the emotions out of it. one of the best ways to do that is if you guys are going to escalate and don't want to screw up your emotional situation try no talking until sex is over and you guys are to never talk about your feelings unless you're looking to open up that door to committing to each other. this will take loads of discipline on both sides but--its worth it depending on the kind of relationship you're trying to continue to foster.

    for women--its easier for them to go back to an ex at times because a specific kind of sex with an old lover is easier than making a new connection and working out those feelings and what they mean. it ultimately comes down to you looking at your inner game and deciding what you want and going for it without hesitation regardless of the results.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.


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