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Thread: What Are Your Opinions on Who Pays?

  1. #11
    TheDuke's Avatar
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    Default Re: What Are Your Opinions on Who Pays?

    Since this seems to be coming up here, I want to throw this out as well

    NEVER take a girl for dinner on a first date!

    There are several reasons for this maxim:

    1. Dinner lends itself to adversarial body positioning (i.e., you face each other), since you're not comfortable enough to sit side by side and lots of restaurants don't have the facilities for it. This can kill the mood and lend itself to the interview type date;
    2. It's hard, if not impossible, to initiate Kino naturally when your sitting across the table from someone. The only way to kino in this circumstance without becoming a creep is to use games--waste of time;
    3. Taking a girl for dinner is trite. Every guy does it and she expects it;
    4. After eating a big dinner she's going to feel bloated and gross. Think you're getting laid when she feels shitty? Think again!
    5. There's this awkward moment at the end where the waiter brings the bill and you both grab for it, look at each other, and then have to decide how to deal with it; and
    6. Finally, if you're successfully pull ladies you'll be going on a lot of these things. I don't want to pay for a restaurant dinner several nights a week. Not to mention that as someone who is religious about his diet and workout routine, it would be a disaster for my diet.


    Best bet? Just do drinks on the first date. It's non-committal and avoids the majority of the problems described above.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  2. #12
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    Default Re: What Are Your Opinions on Who Pays?

    Too bad there's no "x10 like" option on this site...
    It would come in handy for posts like these!


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #13
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    Default Re: What Are Your Opinions on Who Pays?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kyl3 View Post
    You do what Dave XXX said, and make her get the tip. I love that advice for dinner dates.


    "Hangouts"/meet ups are the better choice.
    I never take a girl out on a dinner date unless I am in a relationship. My first dates are always for a few drinks. The bill usually is between $20 to $40. Alcohol in Canada has a lot more taxes on it so it's generally more expensive than Europe and the U.S. My goal is ALWAYS to keep the dates at $65 or less. I find it a challenge to spend the least amount and close the deal. In the last 5 years my record for a first date meet was $12 including the $3 tip.

    I always get the female to cover the tip at the very least. If I have a girl coming over to my place then I will order take out then it's on me. This is usually after we've farked several times. I am very well off financially so it's not a question of having money to spend on a female it's more to use the money wisely to get the maximum results.

    I will tell them that I am going to get take out and she should pick up a bottle of her favorite drink(wine,vodka gin etc). I usually word it like this, " OK, you're allowed to come over. We have to make a deal. I'll get take out and you get the drinks. Or you can get the take out and I'll get the drinks."

    What's she going to say? No, you get both? Of course not. She'll pick one. Don't be the AFC that does both. Get her to invest.

    This is a technique that great sales people use. It's called the "either or" Which ever option the customer picks , you still win as a sales person. A lot of the PUA techniques come from the books that teach selling techniques. Including the need to look not desperate for the sale because a customer who sees the salesman begging for a sale with lose respect for him/her and walk away. No different from a girl who sees a guy do the same.

  4. #14
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    Default Re: What Are Your Opinions on Who Pays?

    ^I love this x1000.

    Now when I set up hangouts, and I need to write a thread on it when I get spare time, I ALWAYS use that either or technique. I learned that in my psych class though. It makes it harder to refuse psychologically because of the way our brains are wired thus making it harder for her to flake also.

    "Hey, so should I come over at 11:30 or midnight?"

    "Do you wanna smoke with me later or meet up with some of my friends?"

    "Kyle says you're hanging out with him. So let's meet up for some ice cream tomorrow at 12:05pm in the park, or would drinks later that night work better?"

    There's some examples for anyone reading.

  5. #15
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: What Are Your Opinions on Who Pays?

    Totally agree with Vicodin24, my father who was an off the boat Italian always told me, you take a girl out , you pay .... of course thats why going out for drinks and maybe a small bite after is the best way to go until you get deeper into the relationship.

  6. #16
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    Default Re: What Are Your Opinions on Who Pays?

    Quote Originally Posted by drgnsfire12 View Post
    Totally agree with Vicodin24, my father who was an off the boat Italian always told me, you take a girl out , you pay .... of course thats why going out for drinks and maybe a small bite after is the best way to go until you get deeper into the relationship.
    I assume that your father didn't grow up in post-feminism North America?

    Guess what? My father always told me to work hard, but I've got to where I am by working smart. My father is a baby boomer who group up with unions, where seniority, loyalty, and hard work were rewarded. I'm part of Generation Y, which tends to reward merit and productivity. Point being, just because it worked for you father doesn't mean it will work for you.

    In mid 20th century Italy, marriage was the height of a woman's life story. Would most women you see in the US today say the same thing?

    For the love of God people, if what your father taught you was working, you wouldn't be here in the first place.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  7. #17
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: What Are Your Opinions on Who Pays?

    No actually the things my father taught me do work for me.... girls are always amazed when I open the car door for them, or pull out their chairs, or stand up when they get up to go to the bathroom, or when I give them my coat when they are cold, or when insist on walking them to their door when I drop them off .... yeah it's old school but girls love it

  8. #18
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    Default Re: What Are Your Opinions on Who Pays?

    And I'm certain that you've got a ton of female friends...
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  9. #19
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    Default Re: What Are Your Opinions on Who Pays?

    I agree 100 percent with The Duke and Kyle on this one. The only time I pay is when its cheap like ice cream. 5 bucks isn't a big deal. If you DO decide to take her out to eat sit at the bar so you can Kino. When the bill comes state "these will be separate". That's it. I have rarely had a girl give me a hard time for this.

    I must add that there's always an exception to the rule. This fall I took a girl on our first "official" date to a new restaurant. I hadn't f-closed her yet but I did go down on her the night before at my place. I payed for her because I wanted to. I f-closed her that night. The difference here is that I had known the girl for a long time and she had already invested heavily in me.

  10. #20
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: What Are Your Opinions on Who Pays?

    Yeah, there are lots of women in my life .... and not a single one thinks I'm a cheap bastard


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