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Thread: Dealing with a crazy spouse

  1. #1
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    Thumbs down Dealing with a crazy spouse

    I'm going to start off by telling you guys that this isn't about myself but a friend of mine I'm trying to help out. You guys might find a lot of humor out of this as I do when thinking about it at times. Hes got this girl hes been with for a couple years that hes been trying to get away from but can't for several reasons, mostly she forces him (and I literally mean forces). She's super obsessive and manipulative and all that shit and pretty much stalks the dude.

    First time I met this chick it was after my friend and I just got done playing pool at the bar and we come outside and shes waiting for him. We got in his truck and all of a sudden theres some chick standing outside of his door asking whats up, first thing that came to my mind was this was a prostitute encounter until he told her "your scaring my friend" and eventually he got her to leave but couldn't go anywhere without seeing her car a block away so he dropped me off a couple blocks from my house so she didn't know where I lived.

    Now here's where it gets nasty. She accuses my buddy of cheating on her with girls at the place we used to work and then she messages them all on Facebook threatening them and all that and eventually makes him lose his job. Now thats where he first told me hes trying to leave and that the reason hes still with her is because he crashed her car a couple months back and has to get it fixed so she can't sue him (not sure if thats totally true but w/e). Here she has something over his head.

    This is the best part, a couple weeks ago he actually tried to leave her and she pulled a gun on him saying he can't leave, and so he did what most people in fear of their life without a place to run would do and fought her to get the gun out. This ended with HIM getting charged with domestic and (because he is a felon, got caught with pot down by the border of US/Mexico) for having firearms in the house (which were hers, not his). Now he has to play kiss ass with her to get out of the domestic so she has another thing over his head. He told me this after I ran into him by chance at the YMCA and we kept contact via Facebook because my phone was off. On Facebook we had conversations about him needing to leave her and all that. Now this is where it really gets good. She gets on his Facebook and threatens me with paragraphs of messages saying shes going to cancel his gym membership so he can't come kick it with me and because he always says things when introducing me to people about being an MMA fighter she started sending physical threats and how I'm a pussy and such (obviously trying to provoke a reaction she didn't get out of me).

    I think you guys see the craziness of this and get the picture. I'm trying to help him get as cleanly out of this as possible and want to know what I can do to help him legally as I'm only 18 and haven't had to deal with legal matters like this up to this point in my life. I'm thinking of using the messages she sent me on his Facebook as a way to profile her as a psychopath and that she more than likely instigated the situation. Also, if she does happen to show up at the gym while were working out, I'll just say something to her about her being crazy and if she attacks me for it it will be on camera that shes assaulting me (showing her as a violent person). Some thoughts and opinions would be very helpful at this point.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Dealing with a crazy spouse

    is this satire? or are you looking for help?

    yes she's crazy... but your friend is also crazy for not putting a restraining order on her...
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Dealing with a crazy spouse

    I wish it were satire. I legitimately am trying to help my buddy out of this situation. I'm one of those guys who tries to do all they can to help their friends out and I'm not going to stop being friends with my buddy and let him go to prison because of some crazy broad.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Dealing with a crazy spouse

    damn that's a shitty situation. I have to agree with artandale, he should have got a restraining order a long time ago.

    your friend was too much of a pussy to stand up and say enough is enough. and of course when he finally did stand up for himself, it was too late.

    the best way to get your friend out of this is simple, get video evidence of her abusing him. if he can bring that to the courtroom, the domestic abuse charge will probably be dropped or at least reduced. not to mention that it would give him the opportunity to press charges against her.

    situations like this are always messy, the lesson we should all learn from this is that no matter how attractive the girl is, if you don't feel like she's mentally stable DON'T F#CKING DATE HER.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Dealing with a crazy spouse

    You guys think I'd be able to take the messages she sent me to court on his behalf or do you think they'ed probably toss it as irrelevant to the case? Same thing if she were to try and attack me like she were threatening to? I feel like it would really help but I don't know if they'ed even let him present that for that case. I think it's a little late for the restraining order right now, though I think he will after this domestic shit gets taken care of. He said he's going to move to another town and shit so he can get away from her.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Dealing with a crazy spouse

    Talk to a lawyer or para legal about it. Im no lawyer . Do it asap if possible. But has he already gone to court? If not then he might be able to use it as a judgement of character not so much evidence
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Dealing with a crazy spouse

    I don't know the legal system in your area, but you need to get some video evidence of her "crazyness" . Even audio recordings of the crazy stuff she says should help. Also go around and get copies of all of the messages she sent to those girls, and your buddy needs to get a good lawyer. It is expensive but it is what he needs, he should fight the charge if she pulled a gun on him, and showing in court a history of violent and threatening behavior will help reinforce his story.

    Your buddy is going to have to bite the bullet on this if he really wants to get out of this relationship, and you can't help him. Give him the advice and tools, and then tell him you care about him, and he is your friend, but you can't be around him while he is with her. Kissing her ass isn't going to work, the state generally WILL pick up a domestic battery case even if she agrees to drop it. It is going to be a tough break, but he needs to use legal channels.

    I can tell he doesn't have a lot of money to do these things, but he should go around the public defender list for court and talk to the lawyers and explain the difficult situation he is in and ask them flat out if they are willing to fight for him, then he can request that particular public defender. He should also mention in court that a particular public defender asked him to request them, the judge will generally grant that request (at least around here).

    Best of luck to you and your friend.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Dealing with a crazy spouse

    I think your friend should break up with her ASAP. She needs anger management, therapy or a mental institution.

    I think you should call the Facebook mods, and deal with her, or block her. I agree with artendale in consulting a lawyer or paralegal. Regarding threats via internet:
    To constitute "a communication containing a threat" under Section 875(c), a communication must be such that a reasonable person (1) would take the statement as a serious expression of an intention to inflict bodily harm (the mens rea), and (2) would perceive such expression as being communicated to effect some change or achieve some goal through intimidation (the actus reus). A message is a "threat" if a reasonable recipient would tend to believe that the originator of the message was serious about his words and intended to effect the violence or other harm forewarned, regardless of the speaker's actual motive for issuing the communication.
    Any person who willfully threatens to commit a crime which will result in death or great bodily injury to another person with the specific intent that the statement made verbally in writing or by means of an electronic communication device is to be taken as a threat even if there is no intent of actually carrying it out which on its face and under the circumstances in which it is made is so unequivocal unconditional immediate and specific as to convey to the person threatened a gravity of purpose and an immediate prospect of execution of the threat and thereby causes that person reasonably to be in sustained fear for his or her own safety or for his or her immediate family's safety.


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