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Thread: Post-fight actions

  1. #1
    noddyomg is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Post-fight actions

    Heavily in the friend zone with a girl. Took steps to get out of it. I made a move on her and kissed her. It seemed to go well. Two days later she got buyerís remorse and said she needs to think about things. Iíve been in limbo ever since (almost two months).
    Iíve been playing the game with her a bit over the last few weeks. I have been breaking patterns and trying to change the balance of power.
    Last night we had a pretty big (unplanned) argument about money. I guess she is now in emotional quicksand. My intuitions tell me I need to patch things up (not apologise, I donít think I did anything wrong, although she obviously does), but I know that attraction is counter-intuitive. I also know that emotions are addictive and presumably Iíve been on her mind most of the day today. So my question is should I patch things up or should I let her wallow in emotional quicksand? My intuitions tell me to go and talk it out tonight, but I donít want to be too predictable and she is definitely used to (or was used to) me being the nice guy. Last night she mentioned things about me being weird and distant and she is uncomfortable with me having got drunk one time (when she wasnít even there), which would be an example of me not following the unwritten rules. Iím a bit worried that our friendship hangs in the balance, and I would hate to lose her in an argument over money.

  2. #2
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Post-fight actions

    She is unsure of you, this isn't a good thing,and as far for how to take things I don't really know enough to offer advice, but as far as gaming her goes, you need to be prepared to sacrifice your friendship in order to get her, that is just the devil's deal man.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  3. #3
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Post-fight actions

    What was the argument over money about ????

  4. #4
    noddyomg is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Post-fight actions

    In a nutshell, I live abroad and in this country it is difficult to get a bank account as a foreigner. She is a native here, and she offered to send me money by Paypal if I put it in her account. I put it in her account and she mistook it for her salary and spent it. (We're talking more than 2000 dollars). I needed to book a flight yesterday to I asked her send me a little bit of money. She was dragging her feet, ignoring my messages and being unhelpful. I could go on.

    Yeah I know I have to sacrifice the friendship to get her, that's the plan

  5. #5
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Post-fight actions

    So how did you do anything wrong ....LOL
    My concern would be why did she drag her feet, ignore your messages, and be unhelpful when you were in a pinch ???

  6. #6
    noddyomg is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Post-fight actions

    Well I didn't really do anything wrong. She would argue that I did. Basically she's not in a good financial situation and can't give me back the money. I asked for a small part of it to pay for the flight. I asked her once on Friday and again on Monday. When I asked her on Monday she said she would have to check. I asked her 4-5 hours later if it would be possible. She gave me a joking/sarcastic reply, which really pissed me off. I told her I was not amused and asked what the hell was going on. She ignored my message. I called her and she hung up on me. I could her another 3 times and she hung up on me. I went to her apartment and she called me back while I was on the way. We argued on the phone and then when I got there we argued some more. I think she thinks I was accusing her of stealing all my savings, but I never said that, or even thought it. I didn't insult her, I didn't accuse her of anything, so I've got nothing to apologise for.
    She brought some stuff up about me having been weird with her (which was me playing the game, breaking the rules, not acting like she's used to). She's used to me always being available to hang out and always replying quickly to messages, and generally being a bit a push over. I refused to talk about this matter because it was not relevant. I believe that her crap communication with me on Monday was, in part, a bit like a way of getting back at me for that.
    Anyway, we are going to meet tomorrow (Wednesday) to clear the air.

  7. #7
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    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Post-fight actions

    It sounds like you need to lead. Less gaming applies when you are trying to salvage your life. Life comes first over gaming. Seperate the two. Make it clear you arent acusinf her of stealing. Treat it as a mistake in the past. I suggest you hold off on gaming her till you can decompress if you can get your cash back. When you seperate the issues of money compared to the relationship it should be clear you are asking for her help. If all of your money is gone when she can't pay you back or isnt willing to then you need ti cut her off intimately and see what can be worked out. Be nice and non judgemental for now. Ask for her help clearly as a friend. If you need to get it in writing and say its a reminder for the both of you.

    In my personal opinion it sounds like she's avoiding responsiblity. Its a red flag if you ask me. Anyone who isnt taking responsiblity and willing to help you out when they can on their time it doesnt look good for the future. I'd make it apoint after you discuss your financial problems with her that you want to address that kiss on that day and that it happen but that was an emotional situation for you. If you meant it, say it. But make it clear that the money thing doesnt effect how you feel about her as a friend or someone who is interested in her. See about qualifying her or qualifying yourself to her. Qualifying will help you and her determine where to take things based on her response and expectations. Make it clear with her as well as yourself that you both have 2 different issues--the money and your effections. Do not punish her in anyway--she can walk away at anytime leaving you hopeless financially since she is your ticket to that money. If anything use the rules of gaming to get her to give you the money. The game still applies in having her invest and give you value so she can see youre worth your word and value as an individual to her
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  8. #8
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Post-fight actions

    So you'll figure things out when you talk ..... just don't apologize, say something like "I don't like it when we fight" ....Good Luck

  9. #9
    Grey2fox is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Post-fight actions

    You gave her $2k and she spent it thinking it was her salary, Ok. Then shouldn't she give you her salary of that month as she already finished her shopping? Assuming she actually earns $2k if not then has she paid you back? If she hasn't then please deal with that. It is theft but sadly you can't prove the deal unless she signed a legal document.



    That is a big red flag if she just takes things and not even ask questions if she has rights to them or not. Next time, never trust anyone with your property especially money. Good luck

  10. #10
    noddyomg is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Post-fight actions

    Thanks a lot for your thoughts guys. I'm going to make sure we resolve the money issue first. I will not talk about affections/friendship until that has been resolved. I have a feeling she will try and link the two and I will insist that the latter is irrelevant.


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