I decided not too long ago to start getting massages more frequently. I go to a massage school, because it's incredibly cheap. Today was my third weekly visit, and I had noticed some things about myself which I felt should be shared.
In order to get their masseuse's certification, training individuals need 900 hours of supervised massage sessions. Tips are not allowed, and you are asked to rate and critique the student's techniques. I use this constructive feedback as an excuse to treat myself to a massage. In other words, to me it's not ok to get a massage because it feels good or it helps me to relax. But it is ok when it is for someone's training. The student gets something that they need. It's a pretty messed up way of thinking.
Here's some further evidence that I am a completely compliant, self-hating chump. I find that during the massage, I try to anticipate the masseuse. If he or she goes to move my arm, I move it with them. I seriously need to focus on allowing my arm to be limp so they can put it wherever they want. If they are loosening up my joints by rotating the should or something, I "Assist" them in doing so, which totally defeats the purpose.
Another thing I noticed is that I've become much more comfortable at the clinic. I am not exactly the most personable person in the world, but for some reason I am a little more chatty. At first I thought it was because I became in my mind a "regular." But there are plenty of places that I frequent that I do not readily engage strangers in conversation. It could be that I associated the place with good positive feelings? In any case, I feel like this is my place now and feel totally comfortable greeting people that walk into the door as if I actually owned the place.
I started doing this weekly massage business because I wanted to get more comfortable in my body. This is as much psychological as it is physical. I'm not exactly sure I know what to do about this new information about myself, but acknowledging it is an important first step. The third thing, about thinking of a place as "mine," is especially interesting and something I plan on doing from now on to help me with social situations. "this is MY bar" "this is MY taqueria" etc.