So some of you who have read my posts from when I first came to these forums about a year ago know about a girl I was with for exactly 10 months (ironically broke up on the 10 month anniversary) and I was considering trying to get her back. Now here we are, almost a year after the break up yet I still think about her. Why? I don't even want to consider getting back with her because of how she moved on in a week and shes now pregnant by the dude. Like I just can't let it go how we were so close and how well I thought I knew her and then a complete 360 in a week into being a total c*nt and farking some other dude.
I'm talking to someone right now I'm considering starting a relationship with but now these memories of that girl keep resurfacing. I actually ran into her family at a festival a couple weeks ago (but only her step dad and little brother, the brother I still talk to) and she was there too, but never saw me but the step dad told her about me when they were like 20 feet away and I saw them walking towards me after which I hid my face and went back to my friends because I don't want anything to do with her, not even a hello. Yet I still can't get over the fact that I was so close to someone and then it's like you don't exist and that they are completely different from the person you knew so long. This is interfering with my current romantic interests because every time I start thinking relationship, I want to withdrawal out because I feel like the same shit will happen. But I want to be able to have a wife and kids some day so I'll have to get over it.
It's so weird (not trying to be cocky), I'm a mixed martial artist, a varsity athlete, smart in almost every subject (I'm even going to be going to a private school to study physics and computer science next fall), have a huge social circle, am outgoing (party a lot, make friends almost everywhere I go), yet I feel like a little bitch. Like I typically associate having such strong feelings about this shit with girls but I feel like I feel it more than a girl would. Like I'm having all these one night stands now, which back when I was 16 I wanted because I felt cool to brag to my friends about, but now it's not really making me happy (besides when I'm doing it). I actually want a relationship but I feel like a bitch with trust issues. I do what I can to hide it from the female I'm talking to, but I still have it in the back of my head. Is this normal? Like I've been broken up with this girl longer than we were even together yet it's still affecting me this way. Has anybody else felt this way? And if so, how did you get rid of it? It's not missing the girl, rather it's not understanding why things happened the way it did bothers me and feeling like it will be like that no matter who the girl is. I swear I feel like I have the emotions of a girl and I really don't like it.