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Thread: Fall Semester In College: Stagnancy Musings

  1. #1
    Othello the Great's Avatar
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    Default Fall Semester In College: Stagnancy Musings

    Sup playas? It's been a while since I've posted anything and this is something I had to get off my mind. It's something I acknowledged and now am going to promptly fix.

    Today marks the second year of my college experience and instead of exploring and socializing, I am on my dorm bed with my friends/roomies watching television. The life right?

    I heard the saying that you are the sum of the 5 people you hang out with. My friends are not as enthusiastic about meeting new people and doing new uncomfortable things to grow, I on the other-hand love it.

    I came in with the plan of being the "social guy," I imagined but from the first few hours see that it is not panning out as I had anticipated. The problem is I am permission seeking in a sense. I want my friends to do these things with me which clearly is not going to happen. I must do it alone. I must push myself.

    I realize now that if I hang out with the same people who think the same this year as they did last year then I will follow suit. I don't have to necessarily drop my friends but I have to distance myself. Venture out alone and seek out the people and experiences I desire.

    So the message of this somewhat convoluted post is that change won't happen if you continually hang out with people who don't want to change. Surround yourself with people who want to grow and will help you grow. And most importantly, don't depend on others to motivate you.

    In the past hours I can't count how many times I have been told something I want to do is, "weird" or "stupid" and I felt myself reverting back to my old ways. But I am wiser now. I refuse to be the same as last year. Stagnancy is not an option. Life is too short to move back

    I must be selfish. So to all new and aspiring "puas" don't worry about others, be selfish. If others don't want to grow with you then drop them. Since my friends clearly don't want to grow with me and prohibit me from being myself completely I must venture off by myself.

    Questions I have is,

    Should I tell my friends that I feel stagnant around them and I want to grow, OR should I just do my own thing?

    I'm leaning towards the latter, but regardless I must be selfish and more independent. They are good friends but I want more. My personal happiness is more important than maintaining the current nature of our friendships. For me to change I have to surround myself with like minded individuals. Not necessarily ignore my friends but I must separate myself.

    Hopefully this makes sense, I'll post more random musings as time goes by. Any advice on how I should go about my independence/ if any of you have gone through similar things would be greatly appreciated.

    - Othello
    Stop Thinking,Start Living!

  2. #2
    Fire Eater is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Fall Semester In College: Stagnancy Musings

    I don't think it would be too bad to spend some time away from them, and do your own thing. You got to try to surround yourself with the right people as you said.

    I don't think you are being selfish at all, and you are not being unreasonable. You want to improve, and your friends should be encouraging you not discouraging.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Fall Semester In College: Stagnancy Musings

    Any advice on how I should go about my independence/ if any of you have gone through similar things would be greatly appreciated.

    Hey Othello,

    Just some thoughts as you progress:

    Since I'm only a few years ahead of you, I think I have some credibility to share my opinion. What you're doing isn't selfish. It isn't selfless, but selfish makes it appear as if what you're doing is entirely self serving, which I believe it's not. Self improvement and self indulgence are two different things. Those who self indulge straight up love themselves and do so for the sake of themselves. Self improvement benefits everyone around you. As you improve yourself, you inspire others to take similar actions, and your improved self encourages better and stronger relationships with women and virtually everyone and everything. To dumb it down, you can't love others properly unless (and until) you love yourself.

    As for your friends, here's what you can expect: Either way, whether you tell them or not, they'll be upset. I would recommend not saying anything just because it doesn't benefit anyone. Of course, that depends on the route you're going. If you're lone wolfing it I suppose it doesn't matter, but if you plan on replacing them, wait until you do, but still I don't think it's necessary. The more successful people I surround myself with the more I see how cheap talk is. Keep your head down and hustle toward your goals. Results may come last, but they speak for themselves and are indisputable.

    On a side note, check out MeetUp. It's one of the easiest ways I've found to find like minded individuals near you.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


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    Default Re: Fall Semester In College: Stagnancy Musings

    I use to have that problem, honestly you don't even have to get rid of your friend unless you want to. Friends aren't always suppose to be interested in everything the other does. Heck yeah your friends might be scared of talking to people or clown you when you do it(my friends do) but in the end they all respect me because i have the courage to walk up to random strangers and strike up a convo with them. In conclusion your friends aren't always going to be interested in what you want so just go out by yourself because it's you that's going to be improving and not them.
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!


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