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  1. #1
    Infrared is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Red face LTR- stuck on the fence now

    Guys, I haven't been on here for quite awhile. Man it brings back a lot of memories though haha. Some of it seems silly to me now, and to think back on how I was, because I've been in a serious, LTR since Feb 2013
    *I'm having issues committing now, since she has to move for work (about an hour away) and pretty much if I don't move in with her and her daughter, the relationship could end.* Main point, I still have pua urges, yet I care for and love the girl*
    I would want to move in but I like my space, freedom, and I have been contemplating moving to a friends place in another state- going month-to-month on my current apt. makes that possible.

    So it's been my longest relationship by far, coming up on 2 years, while before my longest relationship was about 6 months, and it wasn't very serious at all.
    Before meeting my girl, let's call her Tia, I was on quite a roll too- I was having multiple hookups, and had some good flings that lasted a few months or so, which were sort of the best in a way- lots of fun, good company and no real strings attached.

    Anyways I met Tia by chance on POF- it happened to be the one day she was actually on there b4 deleting her account.
    I could tell she was different than I'm used to, didn't play so hard to get but rather obviously knew she wanted me, and wanted a relationship.
    I was not used to this at the time, I was used to having flings w/one or the other eventually cutting it off.
    Plus I was weary, as I was on the top of my game and enjoying it; but I thought this could be good for me to get close to a girl and post up a bit, see where it leads.
    Well, we are different in some ways, but we tolerate eachother (she's religious, I'm spirtual, some different tastes in music, different social behavior). She treats me better than any girl I've met; but the part that makes me fear committment is that she has a daughter (I'm not ready for that) and her parents are old school traditional 'Asian', meaning they expect me to go to church a lot, and marry their daughter sooner than later.
    My gf tolerates the differences I have with her, but now she's moving to another town, and the only way I can stay with her is to move in with her and her daughter- she said she'll meet me halfway in a town between us so I can keep my job too.. but the problem is, I've still had PUA tendencies, and at the same time I really care about this girl.
    I don't know what to do!

    I have picked up some REALLY HB's just for sport, but didn't connect with them because I can't do that to Tia. I love her, but I still know that the game is in me, and I might not be done playing it yet.
    Although, we do fight a lot but always work it out, usually once a week.
    Maybe I just went in too deep from the start, because I knew I wasn't sure but I was willing. Now there's a real attachment issue I can' just release easily.
    Any advice guys? Again this is my first LTR and breaking up is something I've never had to do at this degree.
    Thought I could vent it here and see..

  2. #2
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: LTR- stuck on the fence now

    Pua tendencies? What are you talking about? I think you mean that you want to sleep with other women? Pua is about improving your social game to be the best you can be. Its up to you in how you want to carry it out. Its on you if you're cheating on a girl you love. You want change? Then start with yourself.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
    Infrared is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: LTR- stuck on the fence now

    Ya dude, well I mean I have a fear of committment even after this long.
    'PUA tendencies'meaning I still attract/and am attracted to other women, but I would never cheat on this girl cuz at the same time I love her.
    It's like the pua in me won't die, so I don't know if I should go on with her or not.
    It's complicated lol, maybe I can delete this post cuz it's ridiculous anyway.

  4. #4
    lenric's Avatar
    lenric is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: LTR- stuck on the fence now

    You will stop loving a girl way before you cheat on her.

    Thing is, you miss the times when you could hook up with a dozen girls, or do whatever the fuck you wanted without feeling guilty, because of having a girlfriend.

    Those urges will get stronger as time goes on, so my advice is to end things now, because the more you wait, the harder it will be for you to break up.

    Oh, and I'm saying this, because I have already felt it twice.

  5. #5
    Infrared is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: LTR- stuck on the fence now

    Ok, well at least it's good to hear from someone who's been there I guess, so you know what I'm saying.
    It's not easy is it?!

  6. #6
    lenric's Avatar
    lenric is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: LTR- stuck on the fence now

    No, it's not. Mainly because we gain affection/friendship to the girl we're with and as time goes on and we have a hard time when deciding to break it up, because we don't want them to cry or whatever. Our investment in the relationship starts to decrease, but their investment starts to increase. We feel sorry for them, because it's not like we don't like them, or we don't desire them anymore. It's just that we're starting to desire other girls as well!

    But it needs to be done, otherwise we'll be just loosing each other's time.

  7. #7
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    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: LTR- stuck on the fence now

    As anything that needs to be maintained dont get lost in the idea of what the girl represents but get lost in the girl. Be with her because you want to be with her not because you want a girlfriend. This all sounds like i'm saying what you're saying but there is a thin line difference here. You've only described to me what seems like her rules and restrictions rather than why this relationship is different than any other and how much you need it. You seem to have only touched the surface of what you want. Don't start making empty promises. If she means the world to you giving up on other women will be easy. But with that said you can likely phase into oneitis. I believe the best idea of a Pua in a productively functioning relationship is one where you still need to throw off your relationship some by always being sharp in communicating your own value. Your value and investment should be dedicated to the right person when the time comes but if she hasn't earned your full attention then keep things flowing like water and let the waves bring you to shore. You'll know when the time and place is right to fully emerse yourself into a relationship. You are doubting yourself because you know you need to ask yourself whats next. The answer is within yourself and your inner game. Work on it. Search deep and keep asking those insecure questions so you can be secure about the things you want. Turn your weaknesses ito strengths. Why you doubt this relationship because of your habits means many different things. Find out for yourself what it means. Just because you doubt yourself doesnt mean you're doing something wrong. Do the time to figure out what you want and how you wantto get it

    Comfort is the greatest killer.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  8. #8
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    NakedTruth is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: LTR- stuck on the fence now

    Same situation here, I can totally relate.

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do, man
    'The Game is what gives a PUA his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the world together.'


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