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Thread: What do you wish you knew when you were 25?

  1. #1
    ShortStuff is offline PUA in Training
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    Default What do you wish you knew when you were 25?

    I'm hoping that some of you guys who've had your shit together and nonetheless found yourself with a blank life slate have experience you'd like to pass down to guys who are in the same position. Some of these problems are particular to me, but some could help guys pretty much anywhere to have some answers to. And if you just have general life advice for men at this stage in their lives, that is plenty welcome also.

    First, I'm the 25. I have a steady office job income and I'm all moved in to a quiet, boring suburb. I'm all set up to find a fat, shrewish wife through a dating site and live a miserable white bread existence shopping at Ikea and watching Parks and Rec until I drop dead of a nagging-induced aneurysm at the age of 42.

    Or I could... Not do that. I could work out, up my wardrobe, and improve my game through practice and have loads of fun. I intend on doing that, but I have a few problems:

    1. No social circle. I have one good friend. Just one, and she's an ex, so winging is out. I'll have to start from scratch here and have no idea where to begin. This ties into 2.

    2. My game and social skills in general are pretty bad because I'm neurotic/socially anxious. (They're on a completely different level when I calm down, but it takes me a small miracle to get there.) I need advice on how to fix this, other than going out more frequently, which I've already started doing. Nothing else can happen until this part of my mind is right, but it's taken me this long and it's still a major problem (as reading my old posts might show). If you think pills are my only solution, say so, but I'd prefer not to have to use them (or alcohol, which I'll be using anyway since I love craft beer).

    3. Pretty damn boring by most people's standards. It's possible that most of my waking life has been spent on the Internet. That's got to change, obviously, but the question is into what. The circles in my hobbies are either hard to find, limited in number, expensive, and/or generally don't attract good-looking women. I need to find something, anything to do that'll refresh me, make me relevant, and give more people something to relate to.

    4. I'm aimless. I have few definable life goals that don't depend on someone else's approval, nor an overarching purpose or belief that makes me care more about what I want and less about what other people think. This sets me up to be weak-willed, supplicative, boring, and easily depressed. I can't ask another person to set my life goal, but I can ask what you did that helped you find yours. (I used to have this, but I lost it when I realized that I didn't have what it took to pursue it).

    5. Wickedly narcissistic and self-conscious. Working on these.

  2. #2
    meteora's Avatar
    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: What do you wish you knew when you were 25?

    First, I'm the 25. I have a steady office job income and I'm all moved in to a quiet, boring suburb. I'm all set up to find a fat, shrewish wife through a dating site and live a miserable white bread existence shopping at Ikea and watching Parks and Rec until I drop dead of a nagging-induced aneurysm at the age of 42.
    first off, I think this is absolutely hilarious! I literally spit out my coffee when I read that...

    I think you're a funny guy, and that will really help you when it comes to meeting women.

    1. No social circle. I have one good friend. Just one, and she's an ex, so winging is out. I'll have to start from scratch here and have no idea where to begin. This ties into 2.
    the only way to build a social circle is to go out and seek out like minded people. they aren't going to come to you.

    some of the better ways to make building a social circle easier are:

    1. build one based around a hobby. for instance: you like drinking a good craft beer. have you ever tried brewing some of your own? their are all kinds of beer tasting events around the us where people bring their brews and compete to have the best tasting beer. I'm sure an event like that would be full of cool dudes who have a passion for draft beer.

    the key is to find a hobby you can be passionate about and find events for people who are passionate about that same hobby.

    2. take a class. like dance classes, martial arts, swimming lessons, guitar lessons, any kind of class where a group of people do something together.

    3. go to sporting events. anyone who wears your teams colors will probably be more than happy to talk to you about your team. (and many of them are quite inebriated and thus very friendly)

    2. My game and social skills in general are pretty bad because I'm neurotic/socially anxious. (They're on a completely different level when I calm down, but it takes me a small miracle to get there.) I need advice on how to fix this, other than going out more frequently, which I've already started doing. Nothing else can happen until this part of my mind is right, but it's taken me this long and it's still a major problem (as reading my old posts might show). If you think pills are my only solution, say so, but I'd prefer not to have to use them (or alcohol, which I'll be using anyway since I love craft beer).
    1. the only way to improve your social skills is to use them.

    2. as for the anxiety, i actually dated a girl with anxiety (she was medicated) her meds helped her sometimes, but not near as often as i would have liked them to...

    i am a firm believer that natural remedies are far better than medications. imo pharmaceutical companies create customers not cures. (but of course the choice is yours.) personally i think a cup of tea everyday and exercising are better ways to fight depression than taking meds that only work part of the time.

    3. Pretty damn boring by most people's standards. It's possible that most of my waking life has been spent on the Internet. That's got to change, obviously, but the question is into what. The circles in my hobbies are either hard to find, limited in number, expensive, and/or generally don't attract good-looking women. I need to find something, anything to do that'll refresh me, make me relevant, and give more people something to relate to.
    you've got to get out and do cool stuff to stay interesting. you aren't going to have cool stories by sitting behind a computer screen.

    keep an eye out for any events in your area and go to as many of them as possible. this will cost money, but the experiences are often worth it.

    while having some friends to go with you would make for better stories, going stag forces you to socialize more. (and will give you some cool stories about the people you meet while you're out)

    4. I'm aimless.
    i know, figuring out what you want in life can be a difficult task. (and honestly I'm still figuring out the direction i want my life to move in)

    however, there is hope. you don't have to have your life completely figured out to get girls. because truth be told, most of them don't have their lives figured out yet either.
    of course it does pay off to have goals and a sense of the direction you want to move in.

    5. Wickedly narcissistic and self-conscious. Working on these
    1. being narcissistic isn't the worst thing you can be. it will help you to get one night stands, but it will hurt your relationships some...

    2. being self conscious is only going to hurt your success with women. (they often mistake it for insecurity) never take yourself too seriously. if a woman insults you, you need to be able to joke about it rather than going off and crying.

    i believe that if you put in the effort, you'll do well.

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    Mystik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: What do you wish you knew when you were 25?

    All of the PUA stuff. If I knew the things I know now I would be in a better position to do more stuff. Now I'm kind of old and while I have lots of knowledge I just lack motivation and inspiration.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: What do you wish you knew when you were 25?

    Quote Originally Posted by egyptianprince View Post
    hey man do you want to wing with me? PM me your contact info and I'll call you and meet up with you and we can pickup women together by encouraging each other
    Where are you and how old are you? I live near DC in the states.

  5. #5
    Cody's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you wish you knew when you were 25?

    I'm only 23, so you're more than welcome to tell me to f*ck off if you'd like. But if it means anything I only come back here when I see someone with potential, which you clearly have a lot of.

    Commentary on your post:

    I have a steady office job income and I'm all moved in to a quiet, boring suburb. I'm all set up to find a fat, shrewish wife through a dating site and live a miserable white bread existence shopping at Ikea and watching Parks and Rec until I drop dead of a nagging-induced aneurysm at the age of 42.

    Agree with Meteora. You're funny.

    Or I could... Not do that. I could work out, up my wardrobe, and improve my game through practice and have loads of fun. I intend on doing that, but I have a few problems:

    To be fair, I'm not convinced that this is what you want. If it is, cool. If you're not sure yet, cool. If you don't know yet, cool. Just don't give up. Some people disagree, but I believe life is about purpose and meaning. I assume you do too or you wouldn't be posting here on this forum.

    No social circle.

    I've made, and have, more friends online than I do locally. Not surprisingly I met a lot of them here. They're good people.

    My game and social skills in general are pretty bad because I'm neurotic/socially anxious.

    I'm neurotic. Neutoric is good. Neurotic is extremely attractive to the right women. Socially anxious isn't though. Stop that.

    I need advice on how to fix this, other than going out more frequently,

    Nope, that's it. You didn't feel the same when you were a freshman as you did when you were a senior. Experience is comfort.

    If you think pills are my only solution, say so, but I'd prefer not to have to use them (or alcohol, which I'll be using anyway since I love craft beer).

    Bio-Psycho-Social. i.e. eat correctly and/or intake what you need, read the right books to help you better control your thoughts, and surround yourself with the right people. Beyond that, I'm teetotal. I take pills and vitamins. I spend exponentially more on vitamins than I do on pills, but I still take the pills. Vitamins work much better, but not as stable. If you miss a few days you really feel it. Not so much with pills--you've got a longer grace period. OF course, natural is ideal, but when it comes down to it you have to do what works, even if that means pills. When I was the most f*cked up I think I was on 4 - 5 depression / anxiety meds at once, but now I only take one. Not sure if that helps, but it can't hurt.

    Pretty damn boring by most people's standards. It's possible that most of my waking life has been spent on the Internet.

    F*ck everyone and their standards. And the coolest people I know live online.

    The circles in my hobbies are either hard to find, limited in number, expensive, and/or generally don't attract good-looking women.

    I'm confused. If you like your hobbies then stick with them. There's a niche for everyone and everything; however, if you don't like your hobbies or are more passionate about something else, pursue that. You're free to do anything, just not everything.

    I'm aimless... I can't ask another person to set my life goal, but I can ask what you did that helped you find yours. (I used to have this, but I lost it when I realized that I didn't have what it took to pursue it).

    Then you didn't actually want it, or if was a legitimate matter of logistics, you make a new plan. Life is about purpose, but that doesn't mean one single purpose.

    Wickedly narcissistic and self-conscious.

    Self-conscious, suck it up. Don't beat yourself for narcissism. You do need balance, but it's okay. I have a narcissistic personality. I've also had sex with many beautiful women and now have a smoking hot girlfriend, who loves that I'm focused on my goals and hates when I (intentionally, jokingly) pay too much attention to her and her wants like a beta-b*tch.

    Now that that's over...

    #1. F*ck everyone and the opinions of those who don't have exactly what you want.

    Including myself. I appreciate you valuing our opinions, but we're just a bunch of dudes on the internet. We have no credibility. Find someone who has exactly what you want and ask them directly how to get it. I don't ask my parents for financial advice because they don't have near the money I want to make. I also never asked my college professors how to be happy and successful because most of them were neither.

    #2. (and this is really all I've got) Gun to your head, what do you want?

    Someday, sooner than later, you're going to die. If you don't wake up every morning and say, "F*ck yes, I love this sh*t." you need to change your life. People are either going to remember you or they won't. If you're wondering how to know whether or not you've found your purpose, it's when you're doing something and out of all the other things you could be doing, you still choose to do it.

    Now go get 'em, tiger.




    p.s. I'll be your friend if you'd like (with the understanding that my friends and I don't talk regularly and that's normal). Just shoot me a PM and I'll hit you up on MySpace.

    p.p.s. That was a joke. If you're still using MySpace, there's no hope for you.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:



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