I'm not really sure why I'm posting this or what exactly it is that I'm asking. Right now I just feel like I need to vent somewhat..
Just quickly: The following post contains fairly constant explicit language and should be read at your own discretion. But fuck, I'm Australian and we use fuck for just about every other word. So fuck it!! - Check out Jim Jeffries for an example
I'm not sure how many of you saw my last post but I'm at a point where yet another potential relationship has come to a crashing halt. That was a week ago and I've spent the last two hours on the brink of a breakdown wondering what it's all for..
She ended it last Thursday and I've been pretty ok with it since. I've been busy (and mostly drunk) most nights, so that's helped. Sure, I miss her and I wish we were still seeing each other but I haven't felt all that down about it like I have with previous relationships.
Until we get to tonight that is.. somewhere this afternoon it feels like about 37 semi-trailers have crept up behind me and dumped a fuck-load of emotional, gay, girly feelings all over me.. no warning, just 'bam! Here, cop this ya c*nt!!'
Now I know that it will all go away with time, and there's a million other girls out there but I'm just refusing to believe it at the moment. No matter how hard I try to convince myself, I just don't want to believe it! I mean, fuck, the more I think about it logically, the more I realise how much negative shit there was that I was willing to look past - She lives an hour away and has 3 kids for fuck's sake!! To two different fuckin dads!! Fuck me, the flags couldn't be anymore red if they were made of tomatoes and used as tampons by Elmo and Hellboy's love child.
Go on, let me have it..
So why does every part of me want her back so bad?!
I'm checking my phone, what feels like, every 2 minutes.. I'll be fucked if I know what for (Maybe she'll text me randomly out of the blue and tell me she loves me and can't believe she made such a big mistake! Wouldn't that be the single most greatest moment of my fuckin' life!!) Same goes for my facebook, tinder and pof accounts.
I feel like I'm stuck in one of those movie scenes where the dude's just been broken up with.. There's shit everywhere in my room right now that I couldn't be fucked doing anything with and I swear I've never noticed more loved-up couples in public before in my life.. the c*nts may as well be jumping in front of my car naked and making out in the shower next to me, all the while quoting Borat "la la la la la, you will never get this," (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgOrQg2NXAo)
I've number closed 3 times on tinder and POF since shit went down (been on a date with one already) but I just couldn't give a two fucks about putting any effort in to pursuing them atm. All I want to do is call my original HB and tell her I need her, I want her, oh baby oh baby.. (and before anyone asks, no!! Just no!! Lol it's not going to happen).
I guess I'm just a bit disillusioned with it all.. I mean, why am I putting so much effort into 'ooh I better not say that' and 'is it too soon to stop building attraction & move onto a serious relationship dynamic' yet all I see are literally the biggest AFC tards you've ever met all wifed up and happier than a high Jack Nicholson at the brothel on payday!
I even have a mate who I literally cringe at every time I hear him talk to a girl, yet get's laid with different girls a shit ton more than me (admittedly, I don't see these girls or know exactly how many he actually lays but he lives with a mutual friend so I doubt he would make that much up).
Why does it seem like no one else has to play by our rules?
Now, don't get me wrong, discovering PUA has been the best thing to happen to me for as long as I can remember. There's no way I would have even had a chance at the relationships that have crashed and burned helplessly in front of me without it.
But will it really help me find that one girl? I don't have any detailed plan, but I do want to get married and have kids one day.
Rant over I guess, and well done if you made it all the way to the end!!