I mean, donít go out for the sole purpose of pickup. Go do what you like with people you like and youíll meet lots of awesome people while you do it.
Disclaimer up front Ė Iím writing this in one go. I have a few thoughts in my head, I donít know how much will be useful teaching or how much will be story. This is also an opinion piece, there really is nothing wrong with you guys who do go out with the primary intent to approach.
Iíve had this general philosophy for years about pickup, and in a moment Iíll explain my recent revelations. But in general, I go out to have fun. I go out because I enjoy being out. All PUAs know that the best nights you have are when you get the groups energy going and have fun with your wings and are generally having a good time. I enjoy being out, I enjoy teaching and helping people, I still like all these things.
About a month ago I split up with this girl. I was addicted to her. We only dated for a month, and for reasons beyond the scope of this post it didnít work out.
In the aftermath of that split, when I was evaluating what I wanted I realized some very important things. This girl has an awesome circle of friends, something I envied.
I have a ton of friends. I have any number of you guys I know I can call and go out with. But I donít have a circle that I count on to just, goÖ do stuff with. To go hang out at the pool, or go out to just to enjoy each otherís company. To go to fairs for the fun of it.
And that Ė that was my fault. I put PUA and dating above my friends. I would schedule dates first, then see what time I was free and see when I could get out with people. And if I had a contingent date, my commitment with friends was also contingent. And sure I communicated and let people know, but at the same time, I didnít give my friends the investment and trust that I would want from them. This is not to mention the lame excuses I would make for why I just didnít want to go out sometimes, which unfortunately was far too common.
Also side note Ė putting girls and dates above my friends communicates an amount of low value. People with a busy, active life style that matters to them put things that are important to them above people they recently met.
So this past month, I said I would change that. Instead of uncertainties I would make firm commitments. Instead of the few hours of downtime I like in a day I would do as many things as I could with my friends first. And in the last 4 weeks I think Iíve had 3 evenings where I didnít go do something. Iíve found my circle of friends, the group of people that I can rely on, that go do stuff a few times a week and genuinely enjoy each otherís company. Weíve gone to music in the park, tubing, valley fair, happy hours, cliff jumping, paddleboarding, bars and clubbing, any number of things in the past 4 weeks. (This is in addition to commitments Iíve made to myself like finally getting back in to boxing).
And hereís whatís cool Ė not only have I built the connections I really wanted and had more fun than I have had in a long time, but Iím still meeting new people, getting lots of new numbers, and having many dates. (I just dropped a girl off after a motorcycle ride. Something I would usually never schedule after working 10 hours then going to my neighbors block party for 2 hours for the national night out).
Letís get more specific.
So Saturday, went paddleboarding with my dog and some of the crew in the afternoon. Showered up and met them downtown on Craveís rooftop. I donít even like Crave, but Saturday night was awesome. It was one of the girlís birthdayís, and by midnight we had the 12 of us controlling the rooftop dance floor, with an awesome circle and the little area in the center for people to take turns showing off. We had that because we all like each other and we have rapport from being common friends with history. Our group had so much energy and attention (my shirt was soaked from sweat from dancing), everyone was gravitating towards us, so many people came and joined us and wanted to dance with or around us.
And the clincher Ė I look over and see one girl who is absolutely stunning. My heart skipped a beat and a girl hasnít done that to me in months if not years. After I caught my breath I pulled her in to dance, had an absolute blast dancing with her. Isolated her at the bar later, got a picture and a number, etc.
Unfortunately she never responded to my text. But thatís just the numbers game and Iím not at all caught up on it. She wasnít even the only number that night.
There was a point Ė so letís return to it.
Look, I wouldnít be where I am today without what pickup has taught me. And there is a ton of stuff I use in my day to day life. The conversational skills, body language, Kino, and overall the confidence to go approach. By all means USE pickup, read it, keep learning it, study stuff, talk to each other about what you are getting stuck on. But donít let that be the only focus of your life.
Go out and play! Find the people you like to be with. Go out and do what you enjoy, live an active life! Make your priority to have an active engaging social life, and make sure you are talking to people you meet along the way. Youíll have a lot more fun, youíll be more fulfilled, and youíll meet girls who are more suited to your own interests than just the lottery of people you find at a bar. And living a satisfied life where your friends and yourself are priorities over girls, that is extremely high value.