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  • 4 Post By The Red Baron

Thread: RB - Stop Going Out to Game

  1. #1
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    Lightbulb RB - Stop Going Out to Game

    I mean, donít go out for the sole purpose of pickup. Go do what you like with people you like and youíll meet lots of awesome people while you do it.

    Disclaimer up front Ė Iím writing this in one go. I have a few thoughts in my head, I donít know how much will be useful teaching or how much will be story. This is also an opinion piece, there really is nothing wrong with you guys who do go out with the primary intent to approach.

    Iíve had this general philosophy for years about pickup, and in a moment Iíll explain my recent revelations. But in general, I go out to have fun. I go out because I enjoy being out. All PUAs know that the best nights you have are when you get the groups energy going and have fun with your wings and are generally having a good time. I enjoy being out, I enjoy teaching and helping people, I still like all these things.

    About a month ago I split up with this girl. I was addicted to her. We only dated for a month, and for reasons beyond the scope of this post it didnít work out.

    In the aftermath of that split, when I was evaluating what I wanted I realized some very important things. This girl has an awesome circle of friends, something I envied.

    I have a ton of friends. I have any number of you guys I know I can call and go out with. But I donít have a circle that I count on to just, goÖ do stuff with. To go hang out at the pool, or go out to just to enjoy each otherís company. To go to fairs for the fun of it.

    And that Ė that was my fault. I put PUA and dating above my friends. I would schedule dates first, then see what time I was free and see when I could get out with people. And if I had a contingent date, my commitment with friends was also contingent. And sure I communicated and let people know, but at the same time, I didnít give my friends the investment and trust that I would want from them. This is not to mention the lame excuses I would make for why I just didnít want to go out sometimes, which unfortunately was far too common.

    Also side note Ė putting girls and dates above my friends communicates an amount of low value. People with a busy, active life style that matters to them put things that are important to them above people they recently met.

    So this past month, I said I would change that. Instead of uncertainties I would make firm commitments. Instead of the few hours of downtime I like in a day I would do as many things as I could with my friends first. And in the last 4 weeks I think Iíve had 3 evenings where I didnít go do something. Iíve found my circle of friends, the group of people that I can rely on, that go do stuff a few times a week and genuinely enjoy each otherís company. Weíve gone to music in the park, tubing, valley fair, happy hours, cliff jumping, paddleboarding, bars and clubbing, any number of things in the past 4 weeks. (This is in addition to commitments Iíve made to myself like finally getting back in to boxing).

    And hereís whatís cool Ė not only have I built the connections I really wanted and had more fun than I have had in a long time, but Iím still meeting new people, getting lots of new numbers, and having many dates. (I just dropped a girl off after a motorcycle ride. Something I would usually never schedule after working 10 hours then going to my neighbors block party for 2 hours for the national night out).

    Letís get more specific.

    So Saturday, went paddleboarding with my dog and some of the crew in the afternoon. Showered up and met them downtown on Craveís rooftop. I donít even like Crave, but Saturday night was awesome. It was one of the girlís birthdayís, and by midnight we had the 12 of us controlling the rooftop dance floor, with an awesome circle and the little area in the center for people to take turns showing off. We had that because we all like each other and we have rapport from being common friends with history. Our group had so much energy and attention (my shirt was soaked from sweat from dancing), everyone was gravitating towards us, so many people came and joined us and wanted to dance with or around us.

    And the clincher Ė I look over and see one girl who is absolutely stunning. My heart skipped a beat and a girl hasnít done that to me in months if not years. After I caught my breath I pulled her in to dance, had an absolute blast dancing with her. Isolated her at the bar later, got a picture and a number, etc.

    Unfortunately she never responded to my text. But thatís just the numbers game and Iím not at all caught up on it. She wasnít even the only number that night.

    There was a point Ė so letís return to it.

    Look, I wouldnít be where I am today without what pickup has taught me. And there is a ton of stuff I use in my day to day life. The conversational skills, body language, Kino, and overall the confidence to go approach. By all means USE pickup, read it, keep learning it, study stuff, talk to each other about what you are getting stuck on. But donít let that be the only focus of your life.

    Go out and play! Find the people you like to be with. Go out and do what you enjoy, live an active life! Make your priority to have an active engaging social life, and make sure you are talking to people you meet along the way. Youíll have a lot more fun, youíll be more fulfilled, and youíll meet girls who are more suited to your own interests than just the lottery of people you find at a bar. And living a satisfied life where your friends and yourself are priorities over girls, that is extremely high value.
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  2. #2
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    Default Re: RB - Stop Going Out to Game

    Hey, this is actually great advice but it's incongruent with what I have planned for me and my friend. I'm pretty new to the whole PUA stuff, only been doing it since this easter and I definitely learned a lot up until now and got a lot of confidence not only with women but in all other aspects of my life. Yet.. honestly I have done 0 approaches what so ever, yes - I did approach a few girls when I was just out having fun with my friends, but never actually went for a Number Close or a kiss close - because my objective was to just have fun and - not get new women in my life. I have gamed a few girls since then who I've already known or happened to meet (and did it quite succesfully) cause of my wide circle of friends, so I don't beat myself too hard for doing 0 approaches so far.

    I realized that if I go out with friends just to have fun - there is really a lower chance of me approaching women (before I practice it for a while) so because of that - I've planned to go out with friend/friends for a sole purpose - of picking up girls, I've used some of the PUA lingo on them to see if some of them secretly learn about PUA (they don't) so I don't expect them to be the best wingmen. There are many reasons why I'm looking forward to this - attempts to exterminate some of the aa, seeing how well I do with women nor I know nor my friends know, helping out my friends, getting new women in my life but the most important thing - getting 1 step closer to becoming a master at this with every single approach (haha don't laugh, I know I have a loooong way to go 'til then and that being good at approaching does not make you a master), mainly because from what I already know and what is obvious to you now - approaches are my sticking point at moment where attraction/rapport building is something I'm not too worried about at the moment, so I'm really looking forward to this. Becoming a MPUA is probably one of my top priorities in life at the moment because apart from sports and my studies it's almost all I think about. Even though I really don't like the thought of going out JUST to try to game girls because I have beliefs similar to yours (that's the reason I'm sharing this with you) I feel that this is a cruicial thing for me at the time and that I have to forget my beliefs for awhile for the greater good.

    P.S. Kudos to you for finally getting your priorities straight!

  3. #3
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    Default Re: RB - Stop Going Out to Game

    First – Approach Anxiety is going to be your biggest sticking point for a long time. I’m good, and I still get it a lot. But – I will say having the energy I talk about above gets rid of it pretty quickly.

    You bring up a few very valid points. And to an extent, it was somewhat of an oversight for me that I had several years with different dedicated wing men pushing each other to approach approach approach. And I’ve spent a lot of time teaching people just that, which I don’t intend to change.

    For newer people tho you are absolutely right this stuff is still critical. But too many people put the rest of their lives behind them and don’t realize how well they can work angles in their social circle to their advantage, work social proof with the people you have rapport with. But in reality as you bring up, yea, you do need nights where you go out explicitly to open and you conquer that fear.

    The other piece of this too tho, is that you can go to activities you want to and game there. You can go to concerts you want to see, art fairs, festivals, state fairs, etc, things that you enjoy and want to be at (with people who want to be there too) and push yourself to approach. I mean, ideally you can steer the same friends to these activities. You can go out to play pool with your friends because you want to and still commit yourself to go step aside and approach 10 times that night (start with 5 as a beginner).

    This is a problem a lot of guys (who don’t push themselves like PUAs) have, that they go out with the 3-4 of them (hoping to meet girls), and they just sit by themselves with no one approaching and no real energy and everyone loses social proof all night. I’ve had other much older threads about this. This is part of what I’m going for when I say go out to have fun tho, because once you generate that rapport and you and your group bring out genuine energy, your group emenates social proof and it makes the rest of your job so much easier.

    Okay, again I feel like I jumped around a bit. Its 11 PM, again I’ve been up since 6, 10 hour day, then boxing, then gun range, and just got home… I gotta feed my pets and crash

    Let me ask you – where do you live? Getting back to real PUA meanwhile - if you really want to progress and tackle this, you need to find a wing that will push you and help you work on your goals. You need someone that you can talk to openly and directly about this and everything you’re working on. Either drag a friend into it, or start searching on here for local wings, or check meetup.com. If you really cant find anyone you can commit yourself to posting weekly field reports, but some how you need to set goals, communicate them, and hit them.


    Good luck man, I like to hear new members putting some thought into this, PUA really is a process of self improvement, stick with it.
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



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  5. #4
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    Default Re: RB - Stop Going Out to Game

    I live in Lithuania but in about 1month I'm going to go to UK Canterbury for about six months, was already thinking about trying to find some local wingmen when I get there cause the thought of solo sarging is indeed.. a bit frightening at least at an early stage which I'm still at. The reason I'm not looking for a wing here at the moment is because I know my friends would try to push me as hard as possible to go out and approach cause this whole thing was my idea and because people you build rapport with usually try to compete with you to see which one has the higher value (especially amongst guys).

    The aa will ofcourse be there but hopefully I'll be able to stick to the 3 second rule to not just keep my social value but of course to not feel the horrible feeling of AA for a long time, but only for a few short seconds.

    I've actually thought about that whole social value thing and how much of it I'd and they'd lose if we were just walking around looking who to approach or even worse standing there like a couple of fools until we overcome the AA in our minds, so having a cool activity which we all like is a great thing and I'll definitely keep that in mind when going to do this.

    I've actually talked to my bestfriend about this whole PUA thing and for reasons beyond my comprehension he said that he's not really interested in, so that was really a bummer to find out because what's better then having your bestfriend as your wing. I'll try to talk to my other good friend who I've built a lot of rapport with, and see if he'd be interested in taking this journey as well, if he's interested - great, if not then well then his loss, I'll still try to help him as much as possible which I already do right now because he's a bit too needy and seeks their approoval a lot, but he's fun to be around with and he's widdy so I really think this whole sarging thing with him is going to be a blast.

    I'll be sure to post my first ever field report when we go out, I'll be waiting for your opinion on it aswell haha, it's probably going to daygame,

    thanks for the advice

  6. #5
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    Default Re: RB - Stop Going Out to Game

    I really like this post, and it's very true. I've always had an amazing group of friends and everywhere we go people gravitate towards us. It's because we throw out a good, fun energy just like you've experienced. Women will even approach your group or stand near your group so opening is very simple.

    I've always picked up more women when I go out with friends to have a good time instead of going out with the sole purpose of picking up women. When you and your friends are having a great time, women want to join you in the fun. There's also something very powerful about not caring if you pick someone up, and when that's your sole intent, I feel like some sort of neediness can be communicated.

    I'm glad PUA has helped you in self improvement. That's what it's really about. PUA actually hindered my growth, since I got into it after I was already pretty damn successful with women. Once I decided to "throw out" the majority of things I read, my game skyrocketed past the point it was before I got into PUA.

    I don't think most guys realize how easy it really is. All you need to do is smile, be genuine, friendly, and have the balls to make a move when the opportunity presents itself. Most guys would be so much more successful if they just made a damn move. I just realized recently that almost every woman in my high school, and almost every woman that's been in my social circle has been into me. I've lost SO many women by not making a move.

    In fact I've been hanging out with a woman I've known for 12 years. She was one of the best looking women in my high school. She's had a crush on me since she first met me. I finally made a move when I saw her recently and things are going great. In fact I commented that she seemed nervous when I made moves on her. She responded "I am nervous. I look up to you so much. I don't know why you're into me". That was extremely powerful. I immediately understood why she hasn't slept with me yet (I almost always sleep with a woman the first opportunity I get).

    I don't even "game" anymore. All I do is whatever the hell I want to do, hang out with friends, and take the opportunities I get when I'm doing what I want. This has provided me with more women then I need.

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    Default Re: RB - Stop Going Out to Game

    I think what happened is that you did not throw out everything you learned, what you read and from your personal experience from the whole PUA thing you managed to develope inner game - what many guys lack that's why they rely on cheap pick-up lines or gambits for attraction building instead of being genuine and trying to improve their Mindset on how they perceive not only girls, but life in general - that's inner game. Having a solid frame, living in your own reality and ofcourse having a playful and filled with confidence personality, good for you man!

  8. #7
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    Default Re: RB - Stop Going Out to Game

    Quote Originally Posted by Alergy View Post
    I think what happened is that you did not throw out everything you learned, what you read and from your personal experience from the whole PUA thing you managed to develope inner game - what many guys lack that's why they rely on cheap pick-up lines or gambits for attraction building instead of being genuine and trying to improve their Mindset on how they perceive not only girls, but life in general - that's inner game. Having a solid frame, living in your own reality and ofcourse having a playful and filled with confidence personality, good for you man!
    I agree. I didn't throw out everything I learned; I just learned that the majority of PUA stuff that I read didn't work for me. It was incongruent with my personality. I already had pretty strong inner game before that and my inner game is much stronger now.

    I think some of that stuff would be helpful to guys who don't have the inner game like you stated. I just feel like allot of the indirect methods in PUA make pickup much more complicated then the easy, straightforward process that it can be.

    I'm going to write a thread on improving inner game in the near future. The techniques in there is how I developed strong inner game. Also, it seems like you're doing a pretty damn good job so far. Keep up the good work.


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