Ego & Pain: that's why

So then I discovered it a "new thing" got good said the story but yes I mastered my game. Send me to the bar and I am taking home at least 3 numbers a night from the hottest chicks. They even approach me now. Ask me out. But the problem is not the approach. It is not getting the phone number. It is not going on a date. It is having a relationship! That's the problem.

And when it comes to relationships there is tons of heartache, heartbreak, break ups, cheating, lying, non-sense, etc which is a huge problem for a light-hearted guy who just wants to have a good time.

I keep being told one thing and being given another entirely. Being told we're hanging out or being told I'm Prince Charming or the boyfriend and sh!t goes haywire quick and my ego I end it. I can't stand not being the top guy. This is why I dominate the bars and clubs cuz I am the Alpha Male but in relationships it is my kryptonite because I want to be feed attention, attention, attention hence why I have mult gf's often times.

Anyway I got past the Oneitis, got past the aa, got past all my ex's but I am still not over my new girlfriend (I know sounds weird) but I am trying to get over my current girlfriend which seems impossible to do because technically we are still together but I hate this feeling like I am a piece of sh!t. I shouldn't be ignored. She shouldn't be allowed to ditch me like this. To turn around and say we are still together and then run around cheating on me it's just not right.

I hate this feeling my ego won't allow. But I tried to push her away. I tried. I told her "so we're not hanging out anymore?" She said "no no yes we are" and back to the thinking why the hell are you talking to other guys then and keeping me out of the loop.

I want to so bad push that "goodbye" button I want to say fvck it. Break up. But I tried that. Tried to break up with my last ex-gf who took me two years to get over. She was cheating on me too but she said it was not like that that I was her shining sky but at that point I was like fvck it.

But times have changed it is easier if they break up with me first at least on my heart. I sent her a sad face because she went to a amusement park without me smiling and telling me three weeks ago "no no I can't see you I CAN'T hang out I am busy" then I am like fvck this is b.s. So I wrote on my Facebook I need a girlfriend asap "because the quickest way to breakup recovery is a replacement"

Anyway so I was like the hell with these damn feelings and interrupted her flirt session to tell her I was sad as fvck at this state of affairs on her wall. So I think she will break up with me because women are sensitive as fvck and she will probably see my post and call it off. Which is my intention anyway because I hate feeling cheated on life.

We promised each other we wouldn't do that which makes it worse. I told a girl once it was over and that didn't go well so I know that ain't gonna fly just giving up on life in hopes I can move on because the easiest way to move on is break up and forget. But we are still together which is why it hurts.

I hate feelings, I hate my ego. I hate trying to be something I am not. And here I am looking pretty uncool but it's not the truth I love having a good time this is why everything gets turned upside down and it is not my doing. I ain't doing that crap.

BS aside all my girlfriends from PUA were like this one way or another and I had more fun knowing jack sh!t about game and screwing around. Now that I can get numbers and dates on the fly it no longer satisfies only love satisfies. Dam I need Jesus.

No idea what this will turn me into this Summer but it looks pretty bleak like I won't have feelings any time soon :/

PS I am no longer afraid of rejection I am afraid of hurt feelings and pain of break ups. Now that I have mastered my fear of rejection women sense it so they use the break up card big time on me

Btw I may be in better spirits this Summer when I start getting laid right now back to back bad relationships got me in a major funk

If this is love then she can have it because this is bs. Telling lies to my face no no I am busy and then hitting the bars, amusement parks while feeding me these lies. That's why I have mastered my game I know now how to get in a relationship but they suck ass. Girls in general suck ass.

That's why I barely go out anymore not because I am afraid of anything I know I can pull like a mutherfvcker it's because I am hung up on feelings with this chick. Not Oneitis I am in a relationship. All my relationships have sucked so I am assuming relationships suck in general.

Because in spite of all the good a breakup or being sad makes things bad.

So that's why I am sad because dang it women never change. They do this to me all the time. That's why I am afraid to go out because of another break up. I am afraid of that bs that bs I am in now. Feeling miserable why do people find contentment in marriage? This world is screwed up something is wrong. Terribly wrong.

And and yet here I am getting drug into things I never signed up for. I just wanted to drink and party with her an she gave me all this drama. It's foolish I can't just delete her. My ego is too strong I love her too much but I hate her and she treats me like crap but talks sweet to me.