Hi there, I'm Mindbender. (I quite like the whole PUA nickname thing, so I don't think I'll give my first name.)
I'm a maths and computer science nerd, and will soon be starting a career in C++ Development. I hear many aspiring PUAs are programmers, is that true?
I recently finished reading The Game and am about two thirds through The Mystery Method. It's really quite cool actually having read a lot about Mystery and then reading his book. However, I am very much a newbie. I haven't actually tried any of this stuff yet, but I'm planning on starting soon.
So this has been sparked by my first girlfriend breaking up with me about a month ago. I was her first too, and our downward spiral was kicked off by me expressing serious doubts six months ago. We were together for 2 years and lived together for 1 year.
I was on my knees begging her to reconsider just over a week ago, but she didn't budge. I think that was my low point, and now I finally feel like I'm on the up-swing. It wasn't a bitter break-up, so we're kinda still friends, but after tomorrow, we've agreed not to have any communication for three months.
I haven't had sex in 6 weeks, and we used to have sex all the time. The sex was good too, even at the very end (although I have nothing to compare it to). Thank FSM for wanking, otherwise I may have been in a mental hospital by now!
I'm not sure how far I want to take this whole PUA thing. I am morally hesitant about it. I'm concerned about dishonesty and manipulation. However, it seems to me that the game can be played while keeping these elements reasonably low, telling only lies that really aren't a big deal.
What I definitely need to work on, is being more social. I was recently telling my ex-girlfriend via email about the things I did not like during our relationship (after she asked me). After going on for some length about how she never made any sacrifices for me or ever showed any real initiative, I wrote about what I see as my biggest flaw so that I wasn't just attacking her. I'd like to share that part with you:
I have this problem to an extent as well. For me, it's socialising, which seems to be a problem for you too, and we re-enforced it in each other. However, I'm not sure to what extent you just weren't that interested in socialising and to what extent you would have had difficulty with it (why did you never have friends over at the house?). I'm not sure because you've told me you were good with other kids at school, but that's the only indication I have to the contrary. For me, it's definitely a matter of not being good at it. I've always really preferred one-on-one conversations because in a group setting I am terrible at competing with others for involvement in the conversation.
This seems to, in part, be tied to being sheltered as well. I was never involved in out-of-school activities with other kids, except for tennis in late primary school/early high school. I was also almost never allowed to have friends over at my dad's house. None of my relatives lived nearby, so I didn't have cousins to socialise with either (nor were there family friends with kids). The other part of this was me being a nerdy/introverted type, so I didn't make many friends at school and I was bullied.
I have been very unhappy about my social failure for a very long time. It's the broader context for my failure with women before you. This is what I am going to work on. Having friends over for pizza night and taking them to Thredbo is a great start, but it's not enough. Not even close. I tend to lead our interactions because they're all as bad as I am. I need to make and sustain friendships with people who are more social than I am, who can help me with this stuff. I don't believe my dislike of clubs and parties is innate or fundamental. I dislike them because I feel awkward and I'm bored. I want to learn to enjoy them by actually being involved and meeting great people.
It actually took you finding me, online, for me to get a girlfriend. I think that's very telling, and to me it's not good enough. Unless I meet the love of my life online and soon, I'm committed to becoming able to get a girl to desire me from meeting in a social setting. Right now, I think my lack of social skills is quite obvious and usually an instant deal-breaker. It's no wonder I could not get a girlfriend in highschool; the girls there saw my failure on a regular basis.
So yeah, that's me. I have three broad goals relating to this stuff:
1. Get an active social life.
2. Have sex with at least half a dozen beautiful women.
3. Meet the love of my life.
Thoughts and criticism are welcome and encouraged.