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  1. #1
    puan00b is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Make plans and then ignore me?

    This has happened multiple times now. I'm confused.

    Girl #1 I used to work with, she left for another job, we were friends on Facebook, I randomly sent a message to her "when you gonna let me tap that?" half joking but she replied with "lol what" and I said "well you didn't say no, so when will it be?" We proceeded to have a 3 day long back and forth, I escalated to asking for her # so I could send her a naked pic, she replied back with naked pics of her own, we sent dirty messages back and forth and I even had her naked at work lol. I had been trying to meet up in person for a little bit and she said her roommate would be gone on a Friday night (we were talking on I think a Tuesday so it was 3 days away) and she said I could come over at 11pm Friday for sex.

    Fast forward to Friday and it's 4pm and nothing, 5, 6, 7, finally at around 8 I asked her if we were still on for tonight and no reply at all. She didn't message me at all, the next day I asked her what the hell and didn't hear anything so I let it go for a week and texted her back and we talked again but it wasn't the same. I was clinging and decided to just let it go.

    Girl 2 I met online, we talked dirty, traded dirty pics and messages, she told me I made her super wet, I pushed pretty hard to meet up in person, she said "not now but for sure tomorrow night" I replied back with something like "ugh I want you now" and she kind of laughed it off and told me to wait til tomorrow. The next day came and went, no messages, no replies to 2 other messages so I let her go also.

    Girl 3 I work with currently, we were sitting next to each other and before she left I casually said we should trade numbers, she gave me hers but I didn't give her mine. I decided to try and not be so clingy and didn't text her that same night, waited til middle of the next day, talked and basically just said "here's my number so you have it, I'm busy but talk to you later." She texted me back, we chatted, I suggested a movie at her place, she said okay, then I texted her asking for the address and if she had a movie picked out for us, she said can we wait a few hours, I said never mind, just forget it then for tonight. Yesterday she texted me, I asked what she was doing, she said no plans and I asked for a movie again she said "yeah sure" we set it up for around 9:30 after I was done working. I text her at 830, no reply for about 45 min, she says she's been battling a hangover all day, I tell her a movie would probably help take her mind off it, she doesn't reply for 30 min, I text "problem?" she says she fell asleep for a minute, I never replied to that.

    Why do girls keep making plans and then backing out completely? Am I being way too impatient and clingy? Girl #3 I figured was interested because I noticed when we were talking last week her nostrils flared up really big and I know that's usually a pretty big sign of attraction. She also has been coming up to me when we are both on a break and sitting and talking.

    For me it's hard to ignore girls, when they text me I usually reply back within 5 minutes every time. I've been trying to ignore them or at least make them wait a bit but I always have my phone and just feel like waiting isn't necessary. But I guess typing this out and reading some threads makes me realize that if I'm "always there" they will eventually get bored and take me for granted.

    So if I am going to start ignoring these girls or making them wait, how long is long enough? There is one other (older) woman who I routinely ignore and she still texts me from time to time. I have no issues ignoring people in theory but I just figure why waste time, if something is going to happen, let's do it. But the more I think about it, the more I think I'm very wrong. Help!

  2. #2
    Allen705 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Make plans and then ignore me?

    I have this problem sometimes too, it's all trail and error. Next time try to set up something more simple, drinks, coffee or a walk in a park. Someplace to build comfort, preferable in public. That's important in a FWB or One Night Stand scenario if that's what your looking for. Unless she is really just wanting sex, and says that, you will need to build a level of comfort. Game her in person, and once it feels right, and she is eating out of your hands(can take 10 minutes or a few hours depends on the situation) you can do the lets go back to my place for movie, hangout, drink, board game, whatever you may have available based on your brief discussions. If you end up looking like the hawk circling it's prey, then it will scare her off. You seemed to do a nice job setting up the Tension in some of your chats, maybe a bit overboard in places, but take a few minutes to read some of the great info on this site. I can cite several issues with your approaches, but mainly with the pushiness and lack of smooth communications.

    Most of all, you seem to not pull back in the end. buyers remorse will set in and she is very likely to flake. In in those cases you described, she did.

    Allen

  3. #3
    shlomoh is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Make plans and then ignore me?

    Many women on online dating and meeting websites don't know why they are online. If they are not out and out putas, they are confused; the older they get, the more confused.
    Many women are double minded; they may want to meet a man but they are scared of the crazies on the Internet.
    Finding someone and picking her up is not easy. But the more romantic you are, the easier. Don't come on to a woman like a lame ass. be romantic and respectful. if she gives you shit, she may just not know what she is doing. back off and let someone else tutor her. No response is better than a nasty response.

  4. #4
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Make plans and then ignore me?

    I think it's because of this: Men are technically minded and into details and women are emotionally minded and into scenarios and feelings. They obviously like the sexual experiences you are giving them online and being very open to you but dislike dealing with both the details of meeting up and the cold reality of it. Men might see them as easily connected but women do not in the same way. Before the internet and texting it was much harder for a girl to flake because she would have to actually call you in person or stand you up in person haha. I went through this just tonight...everything good in the texts leading up to meeting and then minimal unenthusiastic responses when I bring up when and where...but Im not going to be able to meet them without some details locked in.

    I think I succeeded though tonight because:
    1) I initially asked her out in the flesh (in person) and arranged the core details right there and then, I already knew the person, I had met her, she trusts me
    2) I didnt question her later on 'when are we meeting?' or 'are we still on?' I stated on the day that I will be there at the place at agreed time to confirm (I am confirming to let her know, not asking her confirmation) and added 'will you be wearing your new shoes you told me about?' The technical detail of the time and place is overided by me bringing up the incredibly charged emotional scenario of...her wearing shoes.... For her to flake that she has to stand me up and make me waste time and money going to a physical location. It's less likely she will flake and more likely she will be focussing on her shoes.
    3) I don't care if she doesn't text or respond when I want her too. If she misses me as an opportunity it's her loss. That is the attitude I have. Play your cards right and you don't have to do ignoring games.

    It seems you are focussing on getting all the sexual stuff from the safety of the internet. They will see you as a casual cybersex partner....innocent fun fantasy that becomes tricky to pull into reality. I use online dating simply to meet people in reality. It is a tool to connect with and screen people in real life. Unless I want an online fantasy thing, I reduce all my messages and communication to the bare bones of meeting in person with a few curious hints that they will be in for a fun romantic 'scenario'. In my experience there are not many worthy girls that will say 'hey sure come over for sex!' when you have never met or been intimate with them before and really mean it. They are just not that open in real life and if they are they are usually desperate, ugly, crazy, a pro or something else you really don't want...well maybe you do but I think you catch my drift. I rarely ignore girls. I love women and like slomoh said, romance and respect is one of the greatest things you can project. Slow and steady wins the race. But persevere. If you want to meet girls from the internet you've never met before, be the guy she wants to meet first before you become the guy she wants to sleep with.

    Ask your work mate out to lunch and get to know her. Ask her out in person rather than exchanging numbers and hoping it's going to happen later. You actually don't even need your work colleagues number because you see each other in person. Make it happen right then and there. Just say 'join me for lunch?' or 'Would you like to go out to dinner this friday around 7, I know a great spot with exotic food and live music (scenario/experience)'. The technical details are sort of irrelevent because they are immediate and not something she has to think about or can wait until later to text you about - all she will have is a matter of seconds to decide if she wants to go out with you for exotic food and music - she is not saying yes to the time and place but the set, setting and the emotional feelings that could arise. Create situations where they have to completely reject you right in front of you if they are going to flake. It's really easy to reject you via texts. Also try doing some group things like 'hey some friends and I are going to a BBQ saturday afternoon at the park, I cook well, join us and bring a salad if you do come'. If she doesn't join you never mind you had a great time anyway and she missed the opportunity. Of course at the BBQ or afterwards you talked to some other girls and asked them out too. On the spot.

    Always have a few girls in the pipeline, then you are not 'ignoring' them when you don't write, you are simply shifting your attention elsewhere.

  5. #5
    shlomoh is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Make plans and then ignore me?

    It seems you are focussing on getting all the sexual stuff over the internet

    No, not at all.

    I have a conversation with a woman the first time and she seems turned on. Second conversation, she seems to have lost interest. What happened in between/ What happened is that the
    night of the second call, meeting someone was no longer a priority. I'm telling you, they don't know what they want PLUS
    they come to the conversation with a shitty attitude which they are able to hide - but not for long.
    I could tell her: I will come back here next year and you STILL won't be in a relationship; same for 5 years from now - because men will just put you on the pay her no mind list AND they will tell other men - "she is full of shit"

  6. #6
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Make plans and then ignore me?

    Quote Originally Posted by shlomoh View Post
    It seems you are focussing on getting all the sexual stuff over the internet

    No, not at all.

    I have a conversation with a woman the first time and she seems turned on. Second conversation, she seems to have lost interest. What happened in between/ What happened is that the
    night of the second call, meeting someone was no longer a priority. I'm telling you, they don't know what they want PLUS
    they come to the conversation with a sh1tty attitude which they are able to hide - but not for long.
    I could tell her: I will come back here next year and you STILL won't be in a relationship; same for 5 years from now - because men will just put you on the pay her no mind list AND they will tell other men - "she is full of sh1t"
    That is why I waste little time with dating sites other than to meet the best (most appropriate) girls in person as quick as possible in the most efficient manner. If a women doesn't know what she wants I take the lead and show what there is to like. If she has a bad attitude bye bye. Most girls do have a priority to meet someone. Its our job to make it happen, irrelevent of how irrational they are.


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