So, after multiple unsuccesful attempts at finding someone to at least have fun with have failed, I have finally decided to look into the PUA methods.
So here's the low-down on my sitch.
I'm almost 30. I've had 3 actual relationships as an adult, all in the same year, the longest lasting only a few months.
Right now I'm an unemployed community college student with an above average gpa (3.5). I'm looking into taking a break from school so I'm not so broke, to get a job... and can buy new threads and work on myself some.
I'm overweight. Considerably less than I used to weigh, since I moved to a city and now ride bike and walk instead of drive (120lbs to be exact.) I'm 6'1 and 240lbs, compared to 360 in 2008.
I've always had an issue with eye-contact. I can recall even as a child always being asked to look into someones eyes when I'm talking to them. I've always felt it to be uncomfortable/threatening.
I'm also unable to gauge when someone is interested or not. I guess this has to do with the eye contact thing, as well. And generally I attribute any sort of flirty behavior to be just aggressively friendly.
And. I have fear of intimacy... which stems from a fear of inadequacy. Mainly because I'm overweight. I also have some serious drama in the past (I'm a recovering addict), and despite that I know I'm average size, and I have been able to get the few women I've been with off, I always focus on penis size being insufficient somehow. I have been with at least to hands-in-pants with 5 women (all in the same year, 2009) and slept with 3 of those... two of which being at the same time (not my doing, was the girl I was dating at the time... I think her way of breaking it off with me.)
Sometimes I get so nervous about my possible failure to perform, that I lose boner (or nervousness about myself or other possible inadequacies.) So that by itself causes me to sabotage or avoid getting into the waters with women much. I have serious issues with worrying about failing to perform.
So I guess with that said, I was a virgin until I was almost 27. I got laid by an extremely sexually aggressive black dready hippie girl who I met traveling from one city to the next via bus. I initially made zero attempt to hit it. She thought I was cute, I played it off, we got off at a stop and drank beer waiting for the next bus, and she just jumped my bones. Holy crap was that great. It got my confidence rolling and I ended up dating her for a few weeks.
After this, I had a series of short-lived relationships that got to 2nd base, and a few that touched near full closing, and one that lasted for a few months with regular (but often unsuccessful) sex. And... no matter how much I like the *deleted* [Moderator Note: Do Not Call Women That] or think she's hot... I can't keep my eyes open or look at her. This is another thing that doesn't sit well, and offended one greatly.
I was reading somewhere on the forums about some Eye Movement therapy, and I was wondering how this might help my condition. I know I'm going to have to undergo some kind of therapy to deal with the fear of intimacy.
I really dislike finding eye contact to be uncomfortable. Any suggestions on this in particular?