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  1. #1
    Stank is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Stank here. New PUA in training. (Fear of eye contact)

    So, after multiple unsuccesful attempts at finding someone to at least have fun with have failed, I have finally decided to look into the PUA methods.

    So here's the low-down on my sitch.

    I'm almost 30. I've had 3 actual relationships as an adult, all in the same year, the longest lasting only a few months.

    Right now I'm an unemployed community college student with an above average gpa (3.5). I'm looking into taking a break from school so I'm not so broke, to get a job... and can buy new threads and work on myself some.

    I'm overweight. Considerably less than I used to weigh, since I moved to a city and now ride bike and walk instead of drive (120lbs to be exact.) I'm 6'1 and 240lbs, compared to 360 in 2008.

    I've always had an issue with eye-contact. I can recall even as a child always being asked to look into someones eyes when I'm talking to them. I've always felt it to be uncomfortable/threatening.

    I'm also unable to gauge when someone is interested or not. I guess this has to do with the eye contact thing, as well. And generally I attribute any sort of flirty behavior to be just aggressively friendly.

    And. I have fear of intimacy... which stems from a fear of inadequacy. Mainly because I'm overweight. I also have some serious drama in the past (I'm a recovering addict), and despite that I know I'm average size, and I have been able to get the few women I've been with off, I always focus on penis size being insufficient somehow. I have been with at least to hands-in-pants with 5 women (all in the same year, 2009) and slept with 3 of those... two of which being at the same time (not my doing, was the girl I was dating at the time... I think her way of breaking it off with me.)

    Sometimes I get so nervous about my possible failure to perform, that I lose boner (or nervousness about myself or other possible inadequacies.) So that by itself causes me to sabotage or avoid getting into the waters with women much. I have serious issues with worrying about failing to perform.

    So I guess with that said, I was a virgin until I was almost 27. I got laid by an extremely sexually aggressive black dready hippie girl who I met traveling from one city to the next via bus. I initially made zero attempt to hit it. She thought I was cute, I played it off, we got off at a stop and drank beer waiting for the next bus, and she just jumped my bones. Holy crap was that great. It got my confidence rolling and I ended up dating her for a few weeks.

    After this, I had a series of short-lived relationships that got to 2nd base, and a few that touched near full closing, and one that lasted for a few months with regular (but often unsuccessful) sex. And... no matter how much I like the *deleted* [Moderator Note: Do Not Call Women That] or think she's hot... I can't keep my eyes open or look at her. This is another thing that doesn't sit well, and offended one greatly.

    I was reading somewhere on the forums about some Eye Movement therapy, and I was wondering how this might help my condition. I know I'm going to have to undergo some kind of therapy to deal with the fear of intimacy.

    I really dislike finding eye contact to be uncomfortable. Any suggestions on this in particular?

  2. #2
    Virgil's Avatar
    Virgil is offline Moderator / PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Stank here. New PUA in training. (Fear of eye contact)

    I think the eye contact issue is most likely an issue of confidence. You say you're overweight, have fear of intimacy, get nervous about failing to perform and only lost your virginity at the age of almost 27. These are all factors that contribute to a low self-esteem. I'd study up on alpha male material. That's the man women desire in general. Read through this topic. It has two threads on alpha males right in the beginning.

  3. #3
    rs5096's Avatar
    rs5096 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Stank here. New PUA in training. (Fear of eye contact)

    Hi Stank,

    PUAs are confident. We all have very different techniques e.g. Direct, Indirect, Natural, Grand Master, but it is the confidence that is common between all methods and comes from inner game; this is what you need to work on first. Here are tips for IG:

    1. Be Positive. Work on this first. Women want positive men.
    2. Focus on having fun and having a good time.
    3. As Virgil says be Alpha. This means you come first always. It doesn't mean become a jerk. It means you respect yourself enough to never having to settle.
    4. You're the prize.
    5. Be an adventurer - focus on life as a whole. Women fit in there somewhere but not everywhere.
    6. Start a gym programe. I did body-for-life and got amazing results. I feel and look great. I did a write up about it somewehere on this forum. I'm doing another programme now and feel and look even better.
    7. Always be moving forward. Have goals, make a plan to achieve them and expect to get them.
    8. No matter what anybody tells you, size doesn't count, just learn some technique. There is a mass of reading material at bookshops and online e.g. the sex god method (not for everybody)
    9. Treat developing your IG as a journey. Small improvements add up.
    10. Change your name from Stank to something like Razorblade or something cool, bro'

    Hope this helps
    rs5096


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