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  1. #21
    FauxPas is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: New guy, but not new to the "community"

    Okay Sleeper, I'm calling BS on all your reasons! Because it sounds like me. I can blow holes in every one of those arguments because it sound like me. But I'm not going to be the one to. I'm going to ask you to do it! I know you can. You have a whole community of us. I dare say there are guys on this forum who use to sound like the two of us! We are all here to support, but only you can take that first step! I can't do it for you and you can't do it for me. But do take that step! It's almost like your staring at a painting, but only at one tiny spec, nothing else. You need to back up and take a look at the whole thing! You might even have to go across the room to see! The painting is our life. A couple of specks do not define us! Ciao, FauxPas.

  2. #22
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    Default Re: New guy, but not new to the "community"

    I'm glad we're similar, and I know I have to take that first step. I have no clue where to start.
    Epitome of AFC, living in AA
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  3. #23
    FauxPas is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: New guy, but not new to the "community"

    Hey Sleeper, I hope you know I'm not dumping on you, rather the attitude both of us have adopted! Your first step could be take a look at the list you gave me on previous post. Better yet, write them down on one side of a sheet of paper. Try and guess where I'm going! Ha, ha! On the other side shoot holes in every single reason. Both you and I know no woman of value wants to be around a negative person, if she does, clearly she's not healthy either. Try and remember it's way better to adjust your race strategy in the beginning of the race rather than at the end. Good luck my friend, I wish you good! Ciao, FauxPas.

  4. #24
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    Default Re: New guy, but not new to the "community"

    I realize that, but I was happy, positive, an overall better person while she and I were dating. I've lost the best thing to, and for, me. The last three months have been almost too hard.
    Epitome of AFC, living in AA
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  5. #25
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: New guy, but not new to the "community"

    Ok, time to take the gloves off again.

    So, you are a results person. Well, go on, make results. We won't do anything for you. Having a girl, or 10 girls, won't do anything for you. The only person who can do something is yourself. We can show you how to do, guide you, but we just can't do it for you. You WILL improve yourself. And not to please us, not to please a girl, just for yourself. You want to be proud of yourself, so you will become a man you can be proud of.

    You are angry? Great. Be angry at the you who let her go, and who was not good enough to keep her. Be mad at the you of one month ago, who was letting himself go down, leaving the you of now in your current state. Be pissed off against the you of yesterday, who didn't do anything for the you of today.

    And then use it! Improve yourself! Not for the you of now, but for the you of tomorrow, of next week, of next month! You don't want him to hate you, do you?

    So improve your game, but more important than anything, improve yourself! Get stronger, smarter, more social, etc! Your game will improve without you even noticing

    And you might feel it doesn't work because you're not getting HB10 immediately in a pub after your first smile, but can you walk into a gym and lift a 300lb weight after years without exercise? Can you do it even if you read tons of book on weightlifting? Well, same. You have to start from the beginning, look into people's eyes in the streets, get used to eye contact, learn how to smile naturally, and all that stuff. It *is* a skill, and as with every skill, you have to go from the start, and learn step by step, with small exercises first.

    So go, and become the person you want to be

  6. #26
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    Default Re: New guy, but not new to the "community"

    What do you excel in? What skill have you worked hard at honing? Ever had a dream and had it taken? I'm good at two things, auto parts, and history. Everything else that I really wanted to do, I've done nothing but fail. I tried to play guitar, I tried drawing, I tried writing, playing football, joining the military,hell I got fired from cutting goddamn grass. The thing is, ive tried this and tried to practice every single time I went out for a little over and I've gotten the same result every goddamn time. I was a more social person, I was slightly more thin, I was a much more interesting person. With what result? Fuckin nothin. The guy that introduced me to this stuff, I haven't seen him even so much get a phone number. That's the result I see. I know reading won't make me dead lift 300 lbs, I know I have to start lower. Yet, unfucking my head isn't as clear to me. Don't you think I'd have figured that out by now, if I knew? This version of me that showed up 3 months ago sucks, i jate it, but I don't fathom, understand, or "get" how to fix it. Maybe I'm stupid, a lot of people think I am anyway. Everybody is quick to say "improve yourself" but when I ask how, the first thing I hear is "don't do it for others" so I don't see an answer. Since you've gotten this long post, I'm asking how can I make myself "stronger, smarter, or more social" when I try to go out, try to read?
    Epitome of AFC, living in AA
    Nobody sucks at life like me

  7. #27
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: New guy, but not new to the "community"

    Quote Originally Posted by sleeper View Post
    I was a more social person, I was slightly more thin, I was a much more interesting person. With what result? farkin nothin.
    See? That's where you don't get it. There were results. You were social, thin, and interesting. How is that not results? Your problem is that you want it to make others love/validate you. That's not the point. Become a better person to be a better person, and that's it.

    How to get stronger? Go to the gym, several times a week. Organize your diet. Little by little, it will build up. And you will also become more resolute/organized/disciplined, which is a good bonus

    How to get more social? Well, that's the right place, read everything you can, and apply. Smile to people, talk to people. If it works for everyone, no reason it doesn't for you. As for the weights, the more people you see everyday, the better you will be. I became more social by carrying plates in a college dining center Because I was doing my stuff amongst hundreds of people, eight hour a day, and so got more comfortable. Even going everyday read a book at a crowded Starbucks can help, by getting you used to people.

    How to get smarter? I don't know, I'm already a genius! But reading books can only help, especially philosophy books, or classicals

  8. #28
    sleeper's Avatar
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    Default Re: New guy, but not new to the "community"

    One way or another, we're all trying to have others love/validate us. If not, we wouldn't be trying to learn this, so don't give me that.

    I wasn't sure which context you were using smarter or stronger.

    Not into classicals, give me non-fiction over fiction any day.
    Epitome of AFC, living in AA
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  9. #29
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: New guy, but not new to the "community"

    Pensées (Pascal), Art of War (Sun Zi), Remembrance of Time Past (Proust), Tao te Qing (Lao Zi)... Who said classicals were only fiction?
    Taking classes is also useful, like foreign languages classes, it stimulates the mind

    As for the validation, do you care about what the guy taking up your trash on Friday night is thinking of you? No. Because you see yourself as better than him. The goal here is to improve enough so that you are sure to be better than everyone around you, so don't care about their opinion about you (which doesn't mean they can't be awesome, don't misunderstand)

  10. #30
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    Default Re: New guy, but not new to the "community"

    The only one I've heard of out of that list is "Art Of War". I've been told it was good.

    See, that's the mentality I refuse to adopt. Just because a man picks up trash, doesn't mean I'm better than him. That mentality is fucked up, and you know that. I'm in the service/sales industry, my dad is a plumber, and my grandfather was an electrician. To me, that mentality is part of what's wrong with a lot of people in this country. To hell with that.
    Epitome of AFC, living in AA
    Nobody sucks at life like me


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