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  1. #1
    nina406 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Lightbulb Long Distance/ Room mate Syndrome

    Hi,

    So I'm a girl- some other site told me to come here I guess. Makes sense- the artists here I'm assuming are guys that just know what they want.

    A few details: been in a relationship a little over a year, with a great guy- we met in our home town. he is about 3 hours drive away from it now for work- I'm about 10 hours away for school. We skype, call, and try to see each other for about a week every month (sometimes two months)- things are almost perfect. When we met he just graduated and didn't have a full time job- so when I came home he seemed to pounce on me for -sex (erm I hope this isn't too adult content-y)-

    He's very energetic- he worked as a waiter, played soccer and cricket at very high levels- he still had this amazing drive for me. He's now had a full time job for about 6 months and ever since then he's stop playfully flirting with me, when we see each other over a whole week we only have sex once, and even then he no longer gets off- just me. Mind you he still tells me I'm beautiful, makes me breakfast- treats me like a princess. He says the distance is tiring him of lust (it's having the opposite effect on me.

    I want to know what can I do to bring it back when I visit- I cook, clean, do his laundry, give him massages and all that hoping to give him time and get him relaxed after work, keep myself fit, new lingerie/ perfume/ waxed!Pouring over Askmen! tried everything I can think of but he never initiates-

    So I want to know the things girls have done to just make you muster up some energy and have fun, even when you were really tired!

    P.S. I only want to try things in a relationship with him- but I'm afraid he's done and seen so much already not much has an effect on him.

  2. #2
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Long Distance/ Room mate Syndrome

    First off I'd like to say thanks for visiting. Takes alot to be able to ask us for advice since most of it is geared towards men. However, there are still plenty of things that women can use as well.

    Try to understand that the first 6 months to a year are the "honeymoon" phase. You have to have a certain respect for it and understand that the relationship can slow down a bit afterwards. But just like a roller coaster, it will come back up eventually.

    Also there is a great risk with trying HARDER to keep your man interested. Everytime you make an effort such as cleaning, massages, or wearing lingerie and it seems to not really work, is when you should take a step back. Your partner needs the emotional space to come after you. Not to assume that you are, but I have never heard of someone chasing a "clingy" person. It just doesn't make much sense. The more unhappy he seems to be, the more you will get the feeling that you have to try harder. This is a dangerous thought since it will likely push him away.

    Understand that people tend to value things they feel they have earned. It's not a bad thing to play hard to get or hard to please sometimes. He will thank you for it since this will prompt him to chase you. As long as it is not pushed to any extremes, this is a healthy way to go about getting your partner to contribute to the relationship. Hope this helps and good luck.

  3. #3
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    Bandit is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Long Distance/ Room mate Syndrome

    It's a nice change of pace to help a girl out. This place is kind of a sausage fest if you know what I mean ;-)

    My last relationship lasted about 7 months or so. At the beginning everything was amazing, we both were really into each other and wanted to make the other person happy. But towards the 5th month or so, things started going downhill. We argued a lot, we couldn't figure out how to make the other person happy, it just wasn't working. It wasn't till after the breakup that I got the insight of my old mentor. We had stopped chasing each other. We were just content with the idea that we had each other and that we could stop working now, and that killed our relationship. We both wanted to be wanted, and you can't want what you think you already have.

    I think the same thing is happening to you. He doesn't feel like he has to put in any effort because you're already here and doing things for him for no particular reason. If you give a dog treats for lying around all day, it'll never move. Make him work for you a little bit, and reward him for good behavior. I know it sounds a little manipulative, but it's what's best for both of you. He needs the motivation to get up off the floor, and you're the treat that needs to be eaten (gotta love double entendre)

    Best of luck.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “WOW...What a Ride!”

  4. #4
    Autismus's Avatar
    Autismus is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Long Distance/ Room mate Syndrome

    Hey Nina406,

    Very cool of you to come here. Your description of your guy reminds me of how Iwas with my gf once. We were both really busy with school and work when we started dating and after a few months of being hands-all-over-each-other all the time I started to be kindof indifferent in the bedroom.

    Then we hung out several times over a few weeks and (in rare form) we didn't do anything sexual; as if it were the first few dates again, we just got to know each other - then the spark came back. I guess because our relationship had mostly become physical intimacy we stifled the emotional intacy (which is essential to keep a Long Term Relationship going).

    My advice would be next time you guys spend a few days together just hang out, be coupley and maybe even be sensual - but don't be sexual. This will (1) like Bandit says make him want what he (temporarily) doesn't have and (2) he'll know that the main content of your relationship (the reason why you visit each other) isn't sex (hampered by distance) but rather is simply because you want to spend time with each other (not hampered by distance).
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR


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