After work I went to my choirís get-together. The director picked me up at work at my university because taking the metro would have taken me too long. It was very nice of him. The party was fun.

I feel accepted by the members, and it gives me the feeling of warmth whenever I see them. Around 11pm, I left and a member dropped me off at the closest metro station.

I was a bit nervous because I was going out solo. But there was no going back. I arrived at Dupont Circle. On the train, I told myself to concentrate on what I can control like my emotions. When I got to the Circle, I took 15 minutes to meditate and internalize my goals for the night. I had a piece of paper on which Iíve written my inner game objectives:

-focus on what you can control
-non reactivity
-outcome independence
-congruency

It was past midnight when I got off subway, so when I got up from the bench where I was meditating to head to a bar, it was already 12:25am. I had already decided to give myself only until 1:00am tonight.

My objective was to stop a girl and have an interaction because I could not even do that a week before. When I was meditating, a guy approached me and offered me money for him to give me a blowjob. It was funny since I was able to think things from womenís perspective.

I got to a place called Lucky Bar. I went there on a Halloween day last year and remember I did not have a good time at all. After the meditation, I was actually feeling really calm. I praised myself just for coming out alone, taking risks, and getting out of my comfort zone. There was a line to get into the bar. While waiting, I pictured myself 5 years from now telling me that I will regret it if I did not do any approaches tonight.

I got into the bar, still feeling composed. It was the calmest I had ever been when going out at night. Because of my state, I was able to see social dynamics more clearly than before.

In DC, apparently it is difficult to pick up girls on the dance floor and I remember the natural guy I met from last week telling me to talk to girls by the bar. So I approached the bar. I was pretty crowded so it took me a while to get close to the bar.

To warm up, I said bullsh1t to a girl trying to get to the bar like ďman itís so hard to get to the barĒ, or something like that.

I was still looking for a target to approach. Of course because itís at night, girls are in groups forming circles. But a girl passed me by so I said hi to her. She was not receptive although obviously she knew what was going on. I said to her not to worry because I was not hitting on her which I wasnít. I told her to warm me up because it was my first interaction of the night to which she agreed.

We had a bullsh1t conversation like me asking her bullsh1t questions like where sheís from and such. Then her friend physically cut me off and even gave me an elbow to separate us.

I thought it was cute because I was in a calm state and had already told me to focus on what I could control. Getting blocked by my targetís friend was not what was under my control. I asked her if the girl who cut me off was her friend and told her jokingly that she elbowed me. Then I told her to get back to her friends.

Then a minute later I saw a tall girl standing in front of me so I said hi. She was also not responsible and again her friend physically blocked the interaction. So I asked the girl who was blocking me if they were friends to which she answered yes.

Then I told her that her friend should be safe with her because she is very protective of her friend. Soon after, a drunk guy with high energy was talking to the tall girl. She was responsive to his approach. I understood the situation that he was not in her group but just hitting on her with mental clarity but I also became aware of the brutality of the game.

It was at 1:05am, and I had already done my approaches for the night and accomplished my goal to have an interaction with a girl. I left the bar with satisfaction. But as I was walking to the metro station to get back home, I felt like crying half for satisfaction and the fact that I did approaches, but half for sadness and frustration.

The goal for the next week is to have a conversation like this again in the bar in which I kept getting blown out last week. Also it is to get the interaction going and lead it to the stage of building comfort. But again, the focus will be my inner state and what I can control rather than how I make girls feel.

-37slim