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  • 1 Post By robot690

Thread: Trouble with a "friend" worried I have or am getting "friendzoned"

  1. #1
    robot690 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Trouble with a "friend" worried I have or am getting "friendzoned"

    Hey Guys, I'm obviously new here. I am normally pretty good with women, not PUA good, but good enough, I'm by no means a natural.

    I have a really beautiful red-headed friend that I have known for a while. We had similar jobs campaign office managers she works in Texas, Me in New Mexico. Since Feb. we have been talking a lot. I thought everything was going good, we decided to take a trip to Denver together. She recently cancelled because she got a new job.

    Before she cancelled it seemed like she had gone cold. She seemed genuinely upset she had to cancel. Of course 90% of our talking via Text, because of the jobs. so naturally her cancellation was via text as well. I showed everything to a female friend, and she says everything is ok. She genuinely likes me and everything is ok, but I really think I might be on my way to friendzone if not there already. I need help. How can I pull her back?

    If needed I can submit the text convo.
    Thanks guys

    --Berto

  2. #2
    inter1010 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Trouble with a "friend" worried I have or am getting "friendzoned"

    Berto whats up man,

    Dude you gotta provide more info on who this girl is, and what it is you want form her. I literally have no idea how to answer this, I'd be just guessing. Read other peoples posts and look at how they post their reports and clearly state their questions.

    *How ofter do you txt?
    *WHat are your txts like?
    *are you trying to fuck her or LTR?
    *Why do you think she is going cold?(If you don't see each other that frequently, its obvious anyone will go cold).
    * HOw often do you see each other? etc.....

    Reframe your your post and ask us specific questions and you will receive a lot of help brother!! Talk soon!

    Inter1010

  3. #3
    robot690 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Trouble with a "friend" worried I have or am getting "friendzoned"

    Hey Inter,

    Thanks for the reply. I felt under the gun with the 24 hour limit, I'll re-frame and edit the post!

  4. #4
    robot690 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Trouble with a "friend" worried I have or am getting "friendzoned"

    Ok Inter1010 let's try this...


    Ok so here is the deal. I have a ďfriendĒ she is beautiful red-head. We have known each other for awhile, about five years now. We donít see each other but rarely, I mean maybe once every couple of years. This is because she lives in Texas, I live in New Mexico we are about 11 hours away from each other. We do talk about once a week, and text fairly often since we have similar jobs and can easily relate to one another.
    In order to get around all of this, I decided that we should meet in a mutual place and hang out for a weekend or so. She was in, until a week ago then she cancelled. She got a new job and cancelled.
    Before she cancelled, she seemed to have gone cold. She wasnít returning texts, or calls, But once she cancelled she seemed very upset and genuinely concerned she couldnít make the trip. 90% of our interaction is text because of the jobs, we work 10-15 hour days (we are both office managers on campaigns.) Because of this interaction I felt it was normal that she cancelled via text message since that is our primary way of talking.
    I see her possible LTR material, and not just a fark client, although I would be totally ok with that. The flirting is like playful and goes back and fourth, not like full on. On a scale of 1-10 I would say a 5 because we are both so busy. But it is obvious that I am interested in her. As far as PUA technique, I use none. Iím a total rookie, but I am by no means shy with girls, and I read them pretty well. In fact my friends joke that Iím goose, because I am the best wing in the business according to them.
    Anyway, I showed cancelation stuff to a female friend, trying to see what the deal was, and get a female perspective. My friend says everything is ok, she is genuinely interested in me, and all is ok. My friend thinks Iím worrying over nothing.
    I think Iím getting pushed into the friendzone, and I gotta know how to get out and fix this. Any techniques on how to string things along, or move things forward? or just make sure I steer clear of the friendzone? The distance is an obvious problem.

    I'm just curious if anyone else thinks this sounds like friendzoning, of if I really am over-reacting.

    Also is there a way to edit a post? or are you just stuck with it?

    --Berto

  5. #5
    Ikben is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Trouble with a "friend" worried I have or am getting "friendzoned"

    Hey berto,


    The purple "EDIT" button at the bottom of the screen should answer your last question .


    I can't answer your question but when I read your story onething imediatly comes to my mind. It's however important to note I'm not from america and cultural differences are to be taken in to account.


    In my opinion flirting, building rapport and attaction (whatever) only through texting for a to long periode of time (you said you know her for 5 years) can actually create alot of pressure for meeting someone in real life.

    It's easy to flirt through texting because it's actually quite safe. What's the harm with flirting with someone you're not going to meet in real life? The worst thing that can happen is they text or call you to much and you have to ignore them. Which is easy to do because you don't have to face the person in question and don't have to deal directly with the pain you possibly cause them.
    I'm sure you know yourself it's way more easy to express feelings through texting then when facing someone one on one.
    The same principal goes for telephone conversations because you still don't have to look at the person in question and he/she can't view your non-verbal response.
    So back to my initial point all these conversations are safe and easy in a certain way, but they also create expactions/behavioural patters. So it's possible she may be comfortable with flirting with you on the phone and texting because it's the polite thing to do and there's no harm done. But now when she has to meet you in real life she feels she has to behave in the same way (by social pressure, cognitive dissonance, etc.). Which is something she may no be comfortable with.
    It also works the otherway arround you were flirting with her through text etc. but will you behave the sameway once you meet her in real life.
    Like I said this creates uncertainty and uncertainty is something all humans and animals avoid as much as possible.

    I think it's also important to realise you've known this girl, in maybe a less personal way, for about five years. So why shouldn't she friendzone you after knowing you all this time. I understand you've been texting alot more since february but that doesn't necessary mean anything.
    I knew this girl which was generaly attractive who called me, flirted with me and showed lot's of ioi every exam period (the final test) in university. But she didn't do that because she was attracted to me but because I was in the same situation (we followed the same courses) as she was and I could reassure her. In other words because she gained something from it. I didn't mind because I wasn't really intereseted in her either and because she was attractive and by helping her she hanged out with me during class through which I gained alot of social value in the eyes of women I did want to sleep with.

    My point being think about why she suddenly would be interested in you after knowing you after all this time.


    Don't let this put you down however. You're the only one who has all the information. What I said just came to my mind after reading your story.


    Goodluck!!


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