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  1. #1
    crazet16 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Any Advice welcomed - I'm in the friendship zone and have probably blown it

    Hi guys, i'm a new member and I need some advice, related to this subject, I have posted this on a site too but I just need to hear some words of wisdom. I know I've been a wuss!

    I started seeing this girl a few months ago, who was introduced through a friend and it was amazing; the dates went brilliantly she was really getting into it and she came back to mine after the second date. She was adamant that she didn't want to do anything though and only cam back because she couldn't get home; so we didn't.

    In addition to this I knew she'd been on some terrible internet dates with another guy and said how bad he'd been on them, i didn't think anything of it at the time.

    We then went on a two more dates before the inevitable happened and she came back to mine again and we finally had sex. She text me after and said she had an amazing time and was sorry she had to leave early the next day. We went on a few more dates, but the final time she wouldn't come back with me. After that she then texted me and said 'I think we should just be friends, I'm not feeling the spark' even though we get on amazingly. I didn't reply at first and then she sent another text saying 'please don't hate me.'

    I stupidly replied and we started texting each other again and this went on for another month - but she said she couldn't meet up because of work (she works in tv production so it was always difficult to see her anyway).
    Finally we met up again a week ago and it was great just like old times, we had an awesome date and everything was going really well, so i kissed her towards the end of the night. At first she pulled away but then when I went in again, we really got going and she was enjoying it. She then said she was really confused and started going on about how she didn't know what she wanted and how she hasn't been in a relationship for 8 years and is scared. I started saying what have we got to lose and when don't we just give it a go (another mistake I know)? We went our seperate ways that evening and kissed again before we parted. I waited for a few days before sending her a message asking whether she wanted to meet up at the weekend and got no response. i wanted for a bit longer before sending another one saying that i didn't want to give up unless she wanted me to because i really thought there could be something there.

    She then replied with a really cold message just saying that she still wanted to be friends and didn't know what she was doing. She then said she was now seeing someone else and she didn't know whether she had made the right decision but felt she had to go with it. I stupidly got stressed and wrote back an angry response saying why had she kissed me then and got me to meet up with her, and also i hoped it wasn't the guy from the dates (again a mistake)! I regreted it but it was how I was feeling at the time. I sent another message saying how i thought she was just running away from stuff and how great we were. And then a final message just apologising and saying I never meant to be mean but I can't just be friends. (I know for a fact through our mutual friend that she is seeing that guy from the dates, but it is very early days and my friend seems to think it might not last -she was taking the piss out of him regularly when they spoke).

    I then cut it off; deleted her number and Facebook profile and have not been in contact since (over a week). I've also had no replies.

    I realise in hindsight that i never should have texted back when she initially said about being friends, at least i would be over it by now if nothing else.

    But is it too late now, am I forever in the friendzone with this girl, or is it completely over? Do you think by cutting myself off now she may become curious and get in contact later. I want to give it another go but i realise that i have made myself seem too needy and it might not ever happen now.

    Any advice would be great guys, she's really torn me up.

    Thanks

  2. #2
    blazin224 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Any Advice welcomed - I'm in the friendship zone and have probably blow

    Did we date the same woman? I felt the same way as you do now. My advice would be to get over it, you can't really take back what you said or did. By shutting her out, there is the possibility of her coming back to you, but you never move backwards, you only move forwards.
    You did come off being a little needy which comes off as a dlv. I say move on, hookup with a HB10 (or whatever you can get) and get your mind "cleared".
    I hope this advice helps, this is from what experience has taught me.

  3. #3
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Any Advice welcomed - I'm in the friendship zone and have probably blow

    Has nothing to do with the text and everything to do with emotional connection, sexual compatibility and interest compatibility. Ask her why she didn't feel the spark with you. I bet its because you often took the back foot instead of the lead. Plenty of times Ive heard girls say 'ok Ill come back to your place but nothings going to happen' and I pounce on them later and it does happen. They want it just as much as we do but they dont want to be seen as a slut, they want to you to want them for more than their body and saying that brings feelings into action...and they want us to work for it to prove we are a man and not a muppet (haha). There is no free lunch. You have to work it with being aggressive and persistent.

    You have no idea of what she is truly seeking or what experiences she has with men other than some lousy internet dates. So you had to take the lead from the very start. Who cares about her past...its nothing to do with your future and your direction. If you have a clear strong direction she wont be thinking about her past anayway. I never talk to women about their past really...I mean I will listen a bit but otherwise its completely irrelevent and holds you back. I just go 'oh uh huh' and then kiss them or whetever. You have to be such a good lover and boyfriend and so utterly confident that every single girl you meet wants to marry you. Your gauranteed no girl will leave you if you a) avoid pyscho bitches and b) be crystal clear in what you want and experienced enough to get it.

  4. #4
    crazet16 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Any Advice welcomed - I'm in the friendship zone and have probably blow

    Yeh I realised I stuffed up that night, even though we had sex later on another date,
    I know you only get one chance to make that impression and the damage was probably done by then. I've literally never done that before whenever there's been a chance I've gone for it, it just sucks this was a girl I actually liked and I treated her too nicely!

    Arggh, anyway thanks guys, she's texted me a couple of times since then, both quite polite non descript texts asking how I was feeling, I actually think he now feels sorry for me which means there's probably no way back!

  5. #5
    Az007 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Any Advice welcomed - I'm in the friendship zone and have probably blow

    Quote Originally Posted by crazet16 View Post
    i wanted for a bit longer before sending another one saying that i didn't want to give up unless she wanted me to because i really thought there could be something there.
    I believe that this was the breaking point. We've all been in this situation and the most important thing to Take Away from this experience is how to handle it in the future and avoid it ever happening again. As someone mentioned above the 'spark' disappears because we as men start falling for the hot girl and give up what the values that attracted her to us in the first place. So in the future remember whatever it is you have to stay true to yourself. Secondly, if this ever happens again never dlv. Instead play it cool and keep all the emotional pillow crying at home. No matter what anyone says it's not sexy to cry (or any other needy behavior) in front of a girl you haven't known that long (very LTRs are different and depends on the case). By doing so she'll be thinking 'damn this guy is cool and farking alpha because he knows how to control his emotions and isn't an emotionally stunted man-child/ AFC. She might want you back but in my opinion any girl who'll toy with you or ditch you with no good reason isn't worth your time. It really depends on what you want and whether you really want this girl back. Remember that women base their reasoning more on emotion than on logic. Personally, especially if the girl broke my heart then once her window of opportunity closes it remains shut for eternity (turned down anal sex from an ex) and whatever attraction i felt for her is completely gone or as the russians say razbliuto. The motto is Keep Moving Forward No Looking Back No Detours No Regrets. However make up your own rules and stick to them.

    I think deleting people off of facebook (not phone) is a little too much but that's just my opinion. It'll help you get a fresh start but looking back it'll be a problem that you just covered up and didn't face. Face it, feel sad, be angry for being sad, farking go out with such energy and charisma that you farking charm every mo-fo around you and sex just oozes out of your every pore. Five steps and all that. Anyways bro i wish you all the best, hope you get over this chick and be a farking baws..

    p.s. if you're ever friend-zoned from the start, dust your self off and be friends with her (if she's smokin') this way you'll get to network and meet all her hot friends and game them. Friends at an arms length. When you're banging her friends she'll regret ever passing you over..

  6. #6
    crazet16 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Any Advice welcomed - I'm in the friendship zone and have probably blow

    Thanks very much guys, I am getting back out there. Do feel like a bit of a chump but you do learn from this stuff, just came to this site a bit too late!

  7. #7
    Zoltan is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Any Advice welcomed - I'm in the friendship zone and have probably blow

    crazet16,

    You've gotten some pretty good responses, so there's not a whole lot to say. I do know that I may not have gone as far as you had, but I had a very similar situation. And because of that I can't really help you, but I will say this.... FIrst you need to answer a question:

    Is it worth the risk? If you can't have her at a deeper level, can you manage without her at all?

    The passion is in the risk. And its true you never know until you try, but sometimes a friend that you can always go to means more than a relationship that may or may not last. It hurts, granted, but there is always constant support and that love can be just as strong or stronger because there isn't the physical connection.
    If things get difficult - you can stop loving them or love them more. Neither way is easy, but it is a personal choice in which game isn't a big player.

    Try moving on, get out there, practice your game, sarge, and slowly rebuild yourself into an even better man, and friend.
    As always gentlemen,
    Zoltan Vvolf

  8. #8
    Casio is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Any Advice welcomed - I'm in the friendship zone and have probably blow

    Hi Crazet. She doesn't want you as a friend and you weren't friend zoned but she surely doesn't want anything serious with you. She told you all of this to back off (to get out of the idea of you being her boyfriend) single girls like being single, a lot of them would not want to sacrifice their freedoms for commitment for various reasons. You maybe were getting a little too attached to her so she told you the "lets be friends" thing just to make you back off. Maybe she didn't want to look like a slut by telling you the truth: that she only wants to screw with you. My advice: deattach yourself from this woman. Say: Yes, we could be friends. Have in mind that she doesn't want to be your friend,'she wants something not serious with you. Get everything straight up. Start calling her. Meet up with her. Start being flirtatious and doing Kino. Have fun


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