I'm smirking at the moment just trying to type this down but it's a question I've recently had on my mind.This post will be quite long for an intro but lets get this out the door.
I don't really have any experience with girls but I'm quite the looker (according to myself, obviously ). It's also been a very long time since I had self confidence in my self like some days on a rare occasion I'll feel it and then I'll invent things in my head and lose it (in fear I might act arrogantly). I'll give you a brief summary of a particular time in my life where I had self confidence but didn't care what people thought.
In elementary school all the kids just seemed to pick on me (whether it was my name or the fact that I was hyper and talked a lot even during class time(I got in trouble a lot because I talked a lot)) anyways in those days I just didn't give one second to what people thought about me and I just did what ever came to my heart. In my later years like in 5th-6th grade things were getting a bit out of hand, I got into a few fights and the newly appointed principal had a grudge against me(she was a bit of a trouble maker herself) she called the cops on me and I had to pay a fine even though the other kids started the fight. In any case at this point I was scarred from that incident even though in jr. high I didn't change as much and my grades were always good so if other teachers tried to get me in trouble the principal would just let me go without any ramifications. I made enemies with one girl in jr high when we were good friends but I was too chicken to really convey my feelings to her, so one day all of a sudden her attitude about me changed I'm not sure what caused this to happen but she started to make fun of me and in incredibly harsh ways. Like for example in one class I could see her across the room she would point her finger at me and make blow job gestures with her hands and mouth (she continued to taunt me for the next year like this). I was so enraged mentally by this that I think it changed me when I got to high school. When I moved and got into high school, I noticed how alone I was. I didn't have friends or a girlfriend or anyone I could rely on(only child here). I decided to change how I behaved at around 15, I became this passive "nice guy" who lost his drive to go after what he wanted from life. Compared to who I was before back then I didn't have a hard time talking to girls and a lot of girls liked me back in my early school days but I didn't get into girls until jr. high (I was into video games and especially into dbz back then).
I bring up this part of my life because I got scared of beautiful women and I invented this notion in my head that "hot girls don't like guys like me." I seemed to always associate my facial appearance as cursed because although it's manly and attractive, hot women flee from it because of who and what I am even if they don't know who I am. This feeling can come when a girl looks my way then looks back (this can be at the gym at my college campus and at the mall). The experience of asking girls out has always been "I have a boyfriend" or they mention they have a boyfriend when I casually talk and just get to know them. I also fear that if I talk to one of these gorgeous blondes in spandex at the gym that I'll be intimidated and humiliated by them or I'll get reported. Also another important thing that kills me is that if these hot girls at the gym are doing their thing (stretching, working out, cardio) I'll tell myself in my head that "These girls don't appreciate a guy who will interrupt their workout and I'll be just the next guy these girls have to say no to". Another one is that "These women think you look too young to be asking them out, don't waste your time" I'm almost in my mid 20s and I'm thinking like this. You see how I was in my early days compared to now? I was more of a man before puberty hit and now I'm just not accepting who I am.
Right now the only thing I got going for myself is 44 days of noPMO and this nice new beard I put on. Let me be clear about one thing, I don't have any intention of becoming a PUA but I want the Mindset of a man who knows he can attract beautiful women. It's not all about beauty but an intellectually stimulating woman with looks to complement.
I feel this is an age where real men are becoming an endangered species. These days I see a great lack of respect for males in general and I seek to seperate myself from the rest as I'm sure every guy on here would like to accomplish the same.
Thanks for this privilege to tell my story.