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  1. #1
    crashbranman is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Help with Girl with Boyfriend

    Okay I'm new to these forums but this looks like a great place for escalating my game as I go through college and finding the right answers to handle this situation I have. So I'm in my first semester of college and I've been talking to this very cute girl I would say is an 8. We have two classes together back to back. At first I didn't really care about getting to know her( I was standoffish) because I thought she was just "ok". But SHE was the one that really started to escalate things as we have a 45 minute break between our two classes so we started eating together and talking while we wait for our next class. Nothing to read into about that.

    But then as we start talking more( Been in a month now) she wanted to know EVERYTHING about me(haven't told her everything) and showing plenty IOIs. The first time she mentions a boyfriend(last week), she says "I just broke up with my boyfriend". Never even asked her this it just comes out of nowhere. So now I can tell she definitely interested in me and I'm also into her. She reminds me of a girl in High school I was good friends with but while we dated other people I always regreted never asking her out. I am not HUNG up on this girl though, so I'm still talking to plenty of others.

    Finally this past week I learn that she and her boyfriend are kinda back together. I ask are they or are they not and she says she doesn't know what they are. She also has started talking about him more when she said nothing the prior two weeks we were talking. She hasn't bad mouthed the guy and they've been together 2 years but she did say she wished he spent more time with her. I told her about some stuff I was doing ( a concert) and she says she wants to go to it. I didn't ask her to go, just telling her what I was doing and wasn't going to ask when she has a boyfriend. Anyway her birthday was this past Thursday and these girls in our class( new girlfriends she just met) asked me if I had gotten her anything for her birthday (first time I've spoken to them so she has obviously talked to them about me) which I thought was weird.

    This is the first time I've been in this situation so this is why I came here. She is a really cute cool girl. But once again I am NOT hung up on her. I get the feeling she has turned tables on me kind of. She tried really hard to get to know me that we now talk and have fun between classes but based on what those other girls said to me, she may have told them that I'm sooo in to her or something even though she has a boyfriend. Like I'm a puppy dog.

    Should I cut her off or distance myself a bit( Which is what i'm pretty sure I should do) even though we only talk between classes( and in class) and she even gave me her number(not going to call her obviously with a boyfriend)? Am I overreacting about those girls in class? And how can lie about having to do something else in that short break between classes without being rude and maybe keeping interest if its there?

    Thank you and this site is amazing wish I would have known about it sooner!

  2. #2
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Help with Girl with Boyfriend

    I would encourage her to doubt her BF/EXBF more in a subtle but powerful way. Try avoid talking about her BF a lot but position yourself as a much better catch. He is down, you are up. She is confused right now and sometimes a break up after 2 years does not end instantly. Respect that but start seeding her Ex as the past and you as the future. You could do this by using the BF destroyer techniques...which is telling her how great her BF must be and then allowing her to start de-constructing him (sounds like she has already started doing this by complaining he doesnt spend time with her). Make sure you don't become the intermediate guy she talks to in between relationships or you will be friendzoned. Also remember because she is coming out of a relationship she may not have 100% confidence in herself so if you go and distance yourself from her or freeze her out you might push her away. Personally I would not do this, especially as her ex was not spending enough time with her. If she wants to get to know you be the up, fun, enthusuastic guy. Talk a little about her Ex so she continues to reveal her frustrations but don't become a therapist to her. If she yaps on about her situation and it is not relevent to you or moving forward tell her to shut up about her past or change subjects so she gets a subtle hint the BF is now irrelevent. He is not an obstacle.

    From here I would try a couple of things. Firstly I would Kino next time you talk to her. A gently touch here and there as you say something interesting/playful. You can do this walking from class/in between classes no problem. This will signal physical possibilities, build comfort and also force her to react and show her cards. Observe her reactions and body language rather than what she says. If she also kino's or copies your moves, plays with her hair a lot etc you know she is definately interested and you have a guarantee to proceed with even more confidence. Secondly I would use some of the BF destroyer techniques (search this site). Even though she has raised doubt herself over her BF I would re-inforce it by raising it again to drive those nails of the past further into the coffin. Then I would subtly seed some fantastic virtues about yourself to her. You dont have to obviously say 'Im a guy who would spend lots of time with a girl' but keep it simple and strong. Subtly say you are succeeding in class, you are a bit of a leader amongst your friends, that you have no fear in what you say and do, if you have cool talents discuss them, if you have something smart and inspiring to say do so, If she says something silly call her out on it, if you are a legend at something say so. You dont need to tell her technical details about your life story, more that you are a smart, handsome, talented and fun guy who is going places (her future). You need to re-affirm in her mind you are indeed a catch and a new exciting opportunity. Advertise yourself.

    As it stands, it sounds like you are a little confused and ambiguous in your own thoughts, perhaps tormented by her classmates. Ignore all that. You either like her or you don't. If you are not that hung up on her why bother? If she really is a cool chick then give it a go with complete conviction. That doesn't mean expressing love for her with eyes fluttering but it means being confident, ascertive and non hesitant. Being a strong minded man who knows what he wants. Im sure after the issues of her BF not spending time she will like a strong bloke who is sure of himself. So be sure. I would not hesitate but follow my steps above (kino, observe her body language, BF destroy and seed yourself as an upward spiral from her last boyfriend) and then ask her out somewhere you can have one on one time (a date). At that point if she throws up LMR or starts to discuss her ex say something confident like 'put that guy on ice - he is your past' and kiss her. Blast through any resistence she puts up and sweep her off her feet. If you truly are not hung up on her you have nothing to loose. You don't need to buy her a birthday present although you could use the lure of it (see my present thread) by saying you have a suprise for her (which in your case might be a kiss or a date or something that is not a bought static object).

    Also charm her friends. They will then talk positively about you to her making you an easier and 'accepted' choice. It will also show that you are a great communicator and leader by developing rapport with them. If she tells you about her BF issues she will have told them even more. Be the up guy to them too.

    There is no reason why you cannot text her (just judge when you do it, when you know she will not be around her BF) or ask her out. She is very likely never going to marry this guy and she herself is not sure how committed the relationship is so you are not doing anything wrong. I reckon she would probably love to receive a cool message from you that makes her smile. Good luck

  3. #3
    crashbranman is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Help with Girl with Boyfriend

    White Dragon you are amazing thank you! Will definitely be checking this site out a lot more. As far as those girls go your right I was confused because they just caught me off guard by asking me if I had bought her a present when I've only known her for a month and of course she has a boyfriend, but I was definitely also being insecure ( and I rag on one of my friends all the time for doing this) and I shouldn't give a sh1t really. Right after they said that though me iand those girls were talking more and I was being the same funny and charming person to them as I am with her, so I will definitely continue to do that in class next week and get to know them more too.

    I will also try the BF destroyer techniques and I guess I'll have to talk a little about him, because so far when she has brought him up I haven't said anything or just changed the subject immediately. And Kino is definitely something I should have already been working on and I hope it isn't too late. I've only given her a slight playful shove so far. So I will do more and obverse her body language. Amazing advice White Dragon! Your awesome man!

    Oh and the reason I've been hesitant to text her is because on her birthday while we walking and talking she deleted a text that she said her BF/Whatever he is, wouldn't like. Made me think that she would just delete my text if I sent her one (maybe not even want to keep my name in her phone). But now I'm thinking it might be okay to send her some funny texts that make her laugh and she she might respond back even if she deletes them later. By deleting that persons text it just seemed to me she cared wayyy too much what her ex BF/BF thinks.

    Edit: Also man I hope your right about not distancing myself from her a little bit. Were always together after class I don't want to seem like I NEED to be around her or something even if its just a 45min break between classes. Hopefully I can get a better read on her next week. I'm confused if she wants to spend that time with me or not, even though when we first started talking like I said I was the one being standoffish and she wanted to follow me wherever I went. Though the last time we talked on Thursday was definitely the funnest time we had so far as she was laughing non stop with me and we almost missed class. And I feel this way because when classes dismisses she takes a long time to get up from her seat seemingly on purpose. So I'm the one waiting. I'm might be thinking too much lol but I noticed it because she would be the one waiting on me before she even went out of her way to get me to sit next to her in class and for our class we have a group project to do and she wanted me to leave my group and join hers( I wouldn't). Women are confusing!

  4. #4
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Help with Girl with Boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by crashbranman View Post
    By deleting that persons text it just seemed to me she cared wayyy too much what her ex BF/BF thinks.
    She's just minimizing liability and think about it another way - he'd have to be either a women, insecure or a control freak to be checking her phone

    Knock him out of the park. Concentrate on gaining attraction in real life between classes then before you start texting. Or text something just after you have been talking in person to strengthen the connection you just had. Who cares if she deletes it...as long as it is something emotionally charged that she remembers.


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