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Thread: Need help with getting my ex back

  1. #1
    KrazyK is offline PUA in Training
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    Unhappy Need help with getting my ex back

    I've been interested in becoming a PUA for quite some time now, by no means that I'm not unattractive guy. But I do lack confidence and skills to pickup women or keep them. Recently I was going through a bad time and found myself meeting a girl which I thought I had no chance at, until my friend said she was asking more about more. So I played it cooled and talk with her a little bit every time I was out with my friends. I added her on facebook and she was the one who initiated contact first. She was impressed with folding a dollar into a bowtie trick. We started chatting on facebook quite a bit and used my "can you think of a random ten digit number for me" line to get a phone from her. We were chatting and texting every night that week and eventually hangout with her downtown at the bars that Saturday even her friend in town visiting and my phone being busted the night before, good thing for FB chat. I manage to grab her attention most of her attention that night showing her to fold a bowtie and shutting down her ex's bother who is after her, but is in the friend zone. After the bar when back to her place to hangout and watch movie with her and her red-head friend who's cute too. Her friend went to bed in the bedroom and stayed watching netflix on the couch, eventually falling asleep together. As we were watching and as she got more comfortable with me, I would initiate a Kino test by grabbing her hand and seeing if she squeezes back and she did. So I proceeded to massaging her neck and back, and she started resting her head on me. As we got ready to fall asleep, I made sure that we comfortable sleeping laying next to each other head to head, caressing her and started kissing her. She said she wanted to take things so I did. Was worried when she got up to get changed into something more comfortable and brushed her teeth, but she came back, do enjoy kissing someone who recently brushed their teeth. So we went back to sleep, and with me waking up every once in awhile to make out with her. In the morning I made her and her friend pancakes with chocolate chips and they were impressed. We watched some youtube videos and bangbang theory and started to get a sense what she likes and who she is. She beautiful girl with a bit of nerdy side, likes star trek, Dexter, Big bang theroy and likes to Knit. She's not too big of outgoing person, which I thought of her being a introvert, unless one of her friend's is dragging her along. After watching bigbang for awhile her friend left to visit other people which left us alone with each other, we kissed and fooled around abit with me leaving a hickie on her neck.

    We would chat and talk on a regular basis and thought it was sure thing. Thinking to myself that she could be the one. We've spend the next two weekends together 2 nights in a row each after she got off work. We would cook something together, watch a movie or series, give each other massages, kiss and went to bed together. Nothing really negative happened, other than she didn't want to go all the way yet since she said she doesn't really know me and she complained of not getting enough sleep when I'm over, lol. So the most I did with her was to suckle her breast, go down on her and finger her and she would grab and fondle me too. She would get off, but I don't get off so easily. On the last weekend she was hanging out she wanted to go out and play pool, but after having a filling meal we were no mood to go out that night and too full and tired to fool around in bed, even after I recovered. So that Sunday night she was going out to play pool with friends, which ended up being Peter her ex's brother, she said she didn't stay late out that night.

    I was happy during the weekends I spent time with her and sure I would in a long lasting relationship. I did started to notice a change when she started taking online classes. She she had graduated about a year ago with a degree in creative writing, so she can't do much with it. So she works at boutique at the mall up to 40hrs a week and decided to work on degree online for medical coding. She said was getting tired from work and studying for the courses she's taking. The next weekend when I was going to see her would be the last weekend I would spending time with her till my next drill weekend. Cause I started working at a bar more since I was let go at my other job for requesting they work with my school schedule more. We chat as usually that week, and thinking what we should make for the weekend. Friday she texted me first, telling me how she crashed on the couch after work being so exhausted during the week. with me saying we hangout later tonight after I get some school work done. She said she doesn't know how much she awake for much longer and still has a test to do.I said aww.. around 9, then. She said, we'll see., Me: ok, got your test done, set an alarm and take a nap.

    After that happened, that was beginning of the end. After finish what I had to get done. I got cleaned up and gathered items to make dinner with that night. Texted her: awake. No response, so figure she was sleeping drove over called, no response, waited ten minutes called again she answered. Talk for a bit, saying she was really tired for me to come over and hardly get any sleep with me around. I said you don't work till 1pm and I'll be gone early in the morning cause of drill, tried pleading with her not telling her I was outside waiting. How this would be the last weekend will be hanging out cause I'm working at the bar more and choosing another night to hangout. Couldn't hangout Saturday night either, because she failed to mention she was going to Fargo after work to see her friend who she hadn't seen since college. Figure I stop pleading before she gets annoyed and for me to start looking really desperate, went back to my place and went to bed. Thought about going out, but didn't and when a friend asked if I wanted to go out.

    So drill was drill as usual other than it's all prep for an upcoming deployment next year. So I texted her after noon, saying if she felt refreshed now, she said: other than the drunk calls she got last night. So I played it off cooled and kind around about it. Found it was a couple and I would joke with her I wouldn't interrupt her sleep. Talked about her work. Sunday I texted her about going to my unit's Christmas dinner in early December since my unit is asking for number of people going for the event and how's fargo going. I got back two texts: Frago was really tiring and I don't think the christmas party is going to work. Maybe it was too soon to ask her to go to something like that, it was way in advance it was mid September when I asked her. So I texted: it's on Dec 1st on a Saturday night. Then this is where I received the biggest blow that came out of nowhere.

    She texted: With the way school & work have been the last 2 weeks I dont think I can do any kind of relationship anytime soon. Im going to have to call it quits.

    Before responding I called up my sister for advice and ask what's the best way to respond about it. She said just to play it off and don't beg or plead with her to come back, be somewhat cold about it. So I responded: I understand, it's cool. I'm busy too. Knowing I wanted to say more, but didn't want to risk screwing things up more.

    Tuesday morning I broke down and started crying before class, not just cause of the breakup but also the compounding of other sh1t just hitting the fan all at once. Losing a job, having to give up my medical, money problems, legal problems, and being expelled by my fraternity on the same night that she dumped me.

    It was too much to handle at once, felt I have truly hit rock bottom in my life. Regain my composer before I went to class and seek out my counselor I was seeing last spring because it was court ordered, cause I needed help. Couldn't see Jim till a week later. So I tried seeing where I went wrong and trying to set my life on track. My sis has been a big help through it, but seriously suggests I should give up on fun and relationships, and focus on school and a getting a good career, before doing so.

    Since then I've been getting my life on track and being doing a no contact tactic with Rachel. After week she contacted me, I kept the conservation brief and my responses short not to get sucked into it, she was asking if I was chatting with her redhead, I was. I was really tempted to do so and ask her about Rachel, but I didn't when I was chatting with Steph. Just talking about how I "stole" rachel's sweat pants. Telling her the whole story of waht happened and how I didn't steal them, she accidentally spilled wine on me when she bit my finger when i thought she wouldn't. So I pulled away and she ended up spilling wine on me. So I had to wear her boxers, t-shirt and sweat pants from a rival school back to my place.

    But didn't inquire on how Rachel was doing through her, but she did told her that we were talking, felt like Rachel wanted to reconnect with me. Didn't let it happen, because I was researching on what to do to get your ex back. I ran into her again that weekend both Friday and Saturday night when I was working at the bar, too busy, right... She was out with a guy from my unit, but wasn't worried he was a common friend and gay. Ran into her a couple of times throughout the night and lightly chatted with her or her friend. She was like being pulled along by him, same the other night when she was with a girlfriend, I only saw her at the door since I was working it all night long.

    Been 3 weeks now, been chatting to other people what to do about my situation. Some say move on and others say ease back into conversation with her again. Then I saw her again last Saturday and it just brought back all sort of feelings and pain rushing back, I didn't chatted with her this time. She was out with her girlfriend again. I also confided in our common gay friend about what happened and said he will keep his word not to her about anything, since he doesn't like drama.

    Been considering using the "text your ex back" system does it work and or should I try something else. Been contemplating on mastering the "rules of the game" 30 day guide. Unsure what to do here, should I move on, but a part of me doesn't want to give up without trying again.

  2. #2
    KrazyK is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with getting my ex back

    Been seeing another since then, pretty much just a physical relationship and not as deep of a connection as I have with my last girl. Keep thinking of my ex even when I'm in middle of sex with the current one. Is this normal?

  3. #3
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Need help with getting my ex back

    I'm a bit confused. You didn't mention that you two agreed to be exclusive. Is this an official breakup or a dating prospect gone bad?

    In any case I'm going to take a guess that you were being too nice. Not that it's a bad thing to be nice versus being a jerk, but it is not such a good thing either. As humans we are natural problem solvers and constantly need mental stimulation. The basis of all mental stimulation is...conflict. Whether you are having an internal conflict or external. It's whatever gets the gears in your head moving trying to "figure something out" just as you are trying to figure her out right now in your post. If you "solve" yourself to a woman (too nice, no mystery, etc.) then she will look for her next puzzle. If she is heavily invested into you then this isn't such a big deal. However, it sounds like she isn't, since it doesn't seem like you two even officially slept with each other. You have to make yourself more "challenging" to her. She should NOT be the one saying she wants to take things slow. How do you think the dynamics between you two would be if you were the one, instead, telling her that you wanted to take things slow? Introduce your own conflict with her. One that sets you up as the prize and one that you can control.

    As for what to do next...I think you should contact her. However, not in such a way as "Hey how you been?" That's comfort building and you want to develop attraction before building comfort. You're basically starting from scratch. So instead find something in your day that reminds you of her that you can tease her about when you let her know. A very classic re-opener in PUA is "Omg I think I just saw your twin." Then make one or two comparisons between her and the twin then say that you like women that have the traits that her twin does. Make it fun! And by NO means ask her to meet up. Have in your mind that she hasn't done anything to earn your invitation to meet up. She only responded to a text. Wait a few days before inviting her out on the weekend. And by no means make it a date...openly lol. Make sure to end every conversation first and give her mixed signals. Have your words and actions say two completely different things. Mixed signals deserve mixed signals.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  4. #4
    KrazyK is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with getting my ex back

    Thanks BatMan,

    It was more a LTR dating prospect gone bad. Maybe I was too nice and made myself too available and predictable, made seeing her a routine occurrence with pretty much the same flow each time. Should of took her suggestion that she wanted to go out and added variety to our encounters. I did felt at ease when I was with her during a turbulent time in my life.

    I'm pretty much a newb when it comes to improving my text game and how to follow up after that stage. If there are any guides to show the way it'll be a big help.

    So if I do get back together, what shall I do with my current FB style relationship with another girl I'm seeing. I'm at the point where I'm not good enough to do a FTOW to get over a ex and nothing too bad happened to initiate other than the out of the blue text dump. Does it hurt to practice and perfect PUA skills if you're in a LTR? Any tips for bouncers working at bars? Got a lot of notice, attention and compliments when I was wearing a scarf last week bouncing, was I inadvertently peacocking in a way?

    Notice that she has posting more on facebook about baking more and watching series online, and her girlfriend is dragging her out to the bars more. Is it possible that she misses me too and posting to get my attention? What to do if I encounter her work again at the bar I bounce at on the weekends? I still to need to return her clothes too and pick up a pocketknife that fell out of my pocket deep within her couch, any advice to this to my advantage?
    Last edited by KrazyK; 10-10-2012 at 02:12 AM. Reason: left out words

  5. #5
    KrazyK is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with getting my ex back

    Does anyone know of Michael Fiore and his "Text your ex back" system? Is it worth my time and money to invest into it? Comments please.


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