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  • 1 Post By Sal_Paradise

Thread: Good Looking but Clueless

  1. #1
    TheWizard is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Good Looking but Clueless

    Well, like most of us on here I'd gather, I was super shy during high school and got laid once, I think... It was blurry and in a car with my buddy and girl in the front seat. Wouldn't be memorable except I think I got an STD from her. With that I was initiated into the sex life and broke the barrier seperating me from the last of the shmucks.

    That's what I thought. But really I didn't get laid after that for another 2 years or so. Now, I'm a really good looking guy, and am super modest, but I was completely terrified of talking to girls. I still am, fuck.

    I can get laid based purely on my looks but everytime recently that has happened I was super drunk and the girls were about 6's. Smelling of desperation and wet tuna. I need help guys. I feel like I am smart and can say funny, sexual things while texting but put me in front of a girl face to face and I turn into the guy who looks up at the girl through his eyelids, giving her cute smiles, and almost shaking his body back and forth, like a little girl. It is pathetic.

    I keep kissing ass and it gets me nowhere. Yet, when I go the other route and don't try to kiss a girl's ass I turn into a sullen dick. So, I'm here to break out of this shame. I feel like my lack of sex is a big contributor to my low self-esteem and I'm here to learn from the best. My goal is to hook up with an 8 within the next month. To do that, I'm gonna have to do some studying and maybe wear a face mask while talking to her, maybe not. If you guys relate or have anything you want to tell or ask please go ahead! Can't wait for the dream to become reality.

  2. #2
    Sal_Paradise's Avatar
    Sal_Paradise is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Good Looking but Clueless

    I feel your pain. I'm a good looking guy who was mostly raised by a single mother and grew up acting like a shy undeserving wuss. I'm by no means there but I'm improving and let me tell you, it's absolutely possible. You have to fight off your demons and get to the point where you actually believe you are awesome and have a lot to offer a woman or anybody for that matter.

    Keep on working, keep on reading. Take a class, call up some friends, get out of the house and approach some women. These will do wonders for your self esteem.

    And don't make your goal to hook up with an eight in a month. You're putting too much pressure on yourself. Make it your goal to talk to some women and have FUN doing it. Just the fact that you have admitted that you need to take care of this and are asking for help puts you WAY ahead of most guys.

  3. #3
    TheWizard is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Good Looking but Clueless

    Hey, thanks dude! I like your advice about just having fun and talking to the girls, because that's really my biggest problem. I'm always watching myself while I'm talking, doubting the words coming out of my mouth while they're coming, rather than just relaxing and feeling free to say what I want. Got any suggestions as to what to read or what helped you out?

  4. #4
    Sal_Paradise's Avatar
    Sal_Paradise is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Good Looking but Clueless

    What you're talking about is basically being self conscious while you're talking with someone. It's a problem I've struggled with on and off myself.

    The number one thing to do to get over it is to get into social situations more often. Multiple times a week. And talk with everyone while you're out and about. After a while, it will become no big deal just like anything else that you practice.

    More technically, your brain can really only think about one thing at a time. So if you're thinking about how yourself and what you're saying, you're not thinking about the conversation and the other person. It's the difference between being "in your own head" and "out of your head." Anytime you feel yourself becoming self conscious do one of these two things to snap out of it.

    1. Concentrate on what the other person is saying and the content of the conversation. Ask a question to try to gain a deeper understanding of what they're talking about. People love to talk about themselves so this is a great thing to do. Thinking about yourself, what you're saying and how self conscious you are is actually kind of selfish because you are taking that mental energy away from understanding and connecting with the person you are talking to. Think about that.

    2. Notice the feeling in your fingers and toes. This will bring you back into the physical reality you are experience, take your mind off yourself and get you back to focusing on the conversation.

    Being fully present with the other person you are talking to and not daydreaming about other things is very powerful. Could you imagine Donald Trump being like, "Oh, what did you say?" Hell no. He's going to tell you exactly what he's thinking as soon as he likes.

    This is called "Presence Charisma" and people really appreciate you being fully present with them. I highly recommend the book "The Charisma Myth" which explains that charisma is a learned trait. Even many powerful CEO's study charisma to be more successful in business and relationships.

  5. #5
    TheWizard is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Good Looking but Clueless

    Yeah, that definitely makes sense Sal. Sometimes I'll blank out what people are saying and instead of threading off of what they say I'll just go on a random tangent that pops up into my brain. People think that I don't care and think I am kind of a dick, but I'm really just scared of them.

    I'll make sure to check that book out too and try the toe wiggle technique.

    Thanks for the advice dude!
    See ya at the top

  6. #6
    PHILTHY is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Good Looking but Clueless

    I read The Game before I joined here and it helped me realized about my self image. I definitely recommend reading it. If you can attract a girl solely off your looks you're pretty much in for first impressions.

    Are you the guy that girl approach instead? Are you the Rico Suave sitting on the couch that a girl sends her friend to get your number? Don't drink too much where you babble. Go in with a plan and try to stick to it. Research the forums for ways to keep a girl entertained. Via the cube, 5 questions, something interesting. You don't want to have the image of being the the perfect guy until you open your mouth. The waste of a body so to speak I've heard my girl friends call other guys.

    Knowing what to say beforehand is a good idea. I used to have the same problems conversing with hot girls because I wouldn't know how to improvise. But with practice it becomes easy. Remember to take deep breaths and treat them like they are an equal to you. Find stuff in common, talk about the weather, talk about about the bouncer who wouldn't let you in because you're really really ridiculously good looking. Make up a story. Be interesting.


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