I am a sophomore in college at a small conservative school.
I haven't always been a confident person; growing up I struggled with shyness. I broke out of this shell, mostly through forcing myself to be extremely out going and make friends. I have very high confidence, for I have been able to achieve many of my dreams so far.
I've always felt extremely confident around girls, talking to them, meeting them, etc.
Being at a small conservative school kinda put me out of the game, as there are not many girls to choose from. NOT AN EXCUSE. Which is why I am posting here...
Found this forum and decided to post after this happened to me...
I have a banquet coming up and need to find a date. Had a few potentials, but decided I wanted to improve on my AFC state and ask a random girl to go with me.
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Found girl sitting at a table and approached.
ME: (puts hands on chair in front of me) hello there. My name is Viller.
(Sits down and reaches hand out to shake) its nice to meet you.
HB9: Hi, nice to meet you I'm blah blah blah.
ME: Listen so I have this banquet coming up. I know we just met, but I was wondering if you'd be willing to join me?
HB9: Awh, thanks for asking. *Reaches and grabs my arm*
I'd love to go with you, but I have a boyfriend, and he really wouldn't appreciate that.
This is where I screwed up...
She became really talkative and friendly, and I was so upset that she had a boyfriend that I kinda shut down. Small talk fades out.
ME: Well, it was really nice to meet you *her name*
HB9: It was nice to meet you too, good luck!
Looking back on this experience, my body language was very confident, ( I had a mate watching me to assess my body language) but I did not FEEL confident. This is because I still have slight aa -- AFC. My words, while seemingly smooth, did not necessarily feel nature. Maybe this is just a side-effect of AA?
Also, could have done more small talk, build rapport before asking her to go with me. I think in the end, she still would have said no because of her boyfriend, but at least coming out I would have felt more confident.
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Approach HB8 in cafeteria line. I had terrible AA so I forced myself to go for it. I was extremely nervous. I think she could tell. Only one way to get better.
ME: Hello, my name is Viller.
HB8: Hi, i'm Ali.
ME: So I'm on the FB team and have this banquet coming up. I was wondering if you'd be willing to go with me.
HB8: *Smiles* ooh when is it?
Her: Well, I'm not really sure if I'll be able to go, I'd have to get back to you.
Me: Okay, well let me get your number.
I reached to pull out my phone.. this has never ever happened to me before. My whole body started shaking uncontrollably. I had previously done a really heavy full body lift, so my legs were actually twitching from soreness. I've never felt that way before. I just wanted to get out of the situation. SO AFC. But, I got her number, meaning I am still in control. After I got her number, I shook her hand and and with straight eye contact (trying my best to recover myself) said "It was really nice to meet you *insert her name*, I'll get back to you soon."
Conquering AA one approach at a time. For some reason I only have AA with girls at my school. If I meet girls at concerts, parties, etc. I'm totally fine... Any thoughts? Looking forward to stepping up my game, because I hated that feeling... and I love the feeling being confident. Maybe I just had a rough day.