Hey Guys! This is a very long story and quite confusing!
I met a girl, I will call her "X" through this whole story. I met her last year and we hung out a lot, I thought she was cute and nothing more. Overtime we spent more and more time together where about 5 times a week we were together. I was only looking to get laid at the time and had absolutely no feelings for her.
Eventually I told her I want to step it up to a sexual level but she didn't, I assume that she wasn't ready because to this day she is still a virgin. Shortly after that happened we stopped talking. We haven't spoken in many 8 months and then I write to her out of the blue because she was still in my head. She was becoming special to me and I felt it for the first time.
She was very eager to talk to me and we met a week later, she was bombarding me with text messages and skype video chat. I felt that the old times were back and I really hoped that she felt the same way for me. It is about 2 weeks after we began speaking about that she told me she used to be crazy about me but she gave me 0 signs - and to be honest I wasn't very experienced to read of them either..
She was constantly telling me how she misses me, complementing on my looks and worrying about me whenever anything happens to me.
Eventually I developed strong feelings and fell in love with her. The feeling was so strong that it messed up my daily regime. I am a disciplined person by nature and a bodybuilder. I couldn't sleep at night, overtime I couldn't eat anymore and I lost 8 kgs of muscle in 2 months which was extremely devastating.
I became emotionally sensitive and I cared about everything she did. And I cried almost everyday it was uncontrollable I don't even know why. To sum it up it was the hardest emotional state I have ever gone through.
I told her about how I felt towards her and she said she had no feelings for me. I was crushed pretty badly. But I understood that I had to move on.
What is confusing is why would she tell me all these kind things. She said that when I go on a trip (I was going to Australia), I better call her or she will be upset. All those text messages about wanting to see me again and go on a date. All these video conversations up to 5 hours at a time. It just doesn't make sense. To me this sounds like someone who is interested in you. Let's move on.
I haven't spoken to her in 10 days, last time I simply wished her a happy birthday. I was at my friends place today, he is her cousin we can call him "J". So while I was at his place he said that "X"s mom will come over. Not a problem that won't bother us. After we had dinner it was about 8 pm. "X" send me a text message asking me about why I am at "J"s place. That got me thinking in how in the world does she know I'm there. So I ask him if he told her and he didn't. That means that her mom texted her that I am there.
Then "X" tells me "to be honest I should have been there as well but I didn't come". I playfully tell her to come over them. About 30 minutes later she says: " Damn it! Why didn't you tell me that you were going there!? " So she is implying to she wants to see me? Later that day she wrote to me again in such a playful manner and called me "pupsik" which in russian is like sexy/honey. (We are russian btw).
So out of all this how the hell does this make sense, she told me she has no feelings for me, why just why would she start writing to me so aggressively? It doesn't make sense to me.
I am restraining my feelings hard right now. I pretty much put them in a dark box and I won't take them out anytime soon.
Please share your thoughts I will appreciate any advice.