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  1. #1
    ind0 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Hi/Appeal to Higher Judgment

    Hi, I've got a name but I'm not going to tell it to you. I'm new to this whole thing obviously, and I'm here for the same reasons as everyone else. Same shit, different toilet.

    My only real exposure to this community is the ~300-odd pages I've poured through of The Game in the last 24 hours so I'm going to use your terminology and probably get it wrong.

    Basically, I've got a case of one-itis for this girl I've been hooking up with (it's an LDR/not an R at all kind of deal) and I'm about to hop on the plane in about two hours to go visit her, in the hopes of trying to advance our relationship to where I want it to be. The problem is, I had this kind of awakening the other day as to how big of an AFC I am. I've been emotionally clingy up to the very last minute, constantly seeking her validation, and while I now realize it's the wrong fucking answer, I have no clue how to right it. I'm going to be seeing her in less than six hours and while she hasn't specifically told me that she's getting second thoughts about my visit, it's plain to see between the lines in our correspondence. To me, at least, and while I have this illogically negative frame that I'm slowly breaking myself out of, this observation still rings true.

    So basically, what the fuck do I do? The nagging voice in my head is terrified of an awkward, sexless weekend with a girl who just doesn't have feelings for me anymore, but given that it makes me uncomfortable my thought is that I should just plow ahead and get the experience regardless. There is no failure, only success and experience (so I'm told).

    I'm going to put my best foot forward and try to keep my confidence about me but I still feel the need to reach out for support and advice, if there is any. I get back on Sunday and I'm going to immediately immerse myself in the 30 day challenge, but I'm wondering if anyone has any advice for me in the interim.

    I realize this girl's just one small fish in a big fucking sea of them, but I'm having trouble separating my logic from my emotions.

    On a sidenote, this is a really interesting community you guys have and I'm looking forward to seeing what it has to offer me - and maybe eventually what I can give back. Nice to meet you all, so to speak.

  2. #2
    The Red Baron's Avatar
    The Red Baron is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Hi/Appeal to Higher Judgment

    Very perceptive self reflection, you're off to a good start. I'm going to suggest you read my posts on frame control
    http://www.puaforums.com/game/17574-...e-control.html
    Read the comments too cuz there is more

    First off - if she's nervous about your visit, now is NOT the time to push for a relationship, if you push, she will withdraw and you will most likely lose her

    Make it fun, you need to be Alpha. Don't get caught up on your closure

    When you see her, tell her something like - you know, I don't wanna worry about anything, I just wanna have fun this weekend

    Take her out for mini golf, or ice skating, or sledding, or drinks, or all of them

    You're going to have to remind her why she was in to you to begin with. Not by telling her, but by showing her

    The less you talk about your relationship the better. Don't ask or beg for more, just be alpha again, which is not whiney. Don't whine, don't complain, don't ask for more. If you want more, you need to make her want it too, which is done by being attractive and confident, not by whining and talking about it
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval




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