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  • 1 Post By costarica

Thread: Newbie to the fourm, I am Magnetar

  1. #1
    Magnetar is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Newbie to the fourm, I am Magnetar

    I want to introduce myself to the forum. To be honest I was not expecting the forum to be the way it is. I am happy to see that the underlying tone is respect towards women. Like everyone on the forum I am looking for solutions to a problem. However, I am not looking to just add notches to my belt. I actually wish my number was considerably lower. I do not put it as a measure of success on how many women I can sleep with. Rather find the woman who I want to sleep with every night. So reading things like "Have some standards. Don't jump into bed with a married woman just cause she falls in your lap. Don't break up a couple just cause you think a guys girlfriend has nice tits. We're men" from the sticky at the top of this forum made me realize this was a good place to seek help.

    I am fortunate women typically consider me "hot" or "handsome"; however, that just makes it easier to get numbers or a girl at the bar. My close friends actually laugh sometimes because they say I can pick up more girls than all of them combined and some how f it up better than all of them combined. My problem is in texting, and a few other areas. Usually if I get them to a date I am good and if we kiss its over. I have actually been told more than once "It's not fair, now that I have kissed you I can't say no".

    From just reading I have already started to get a picture of where I fail. I believe that by seeing where I fail (I only fail when I really do not want too, or I try to hard, do not make her chase and it is too obvious to her she already won). That is a huge problem for me and I am really looking forward to getting a better understanding on what I was doing and how to correct it. I am barely over 30, educated, have a great career, and am at the point where I want to find the right woman for me. That means that I cannot keep making the mistakes I have made when I really like someone. I read a post and it explained it loud and clear to me. I let myself be turned into a "good guy". That also explains why I have got the "your such a catch" or "similar things said to me in the past.

    I feel like I have finally found the help that I have been looking for and I will be able to stop the AFC moves that I have been pulling. I am looking forward to getting to know you guys.

    M

  2. #2
    daltonbrayall is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Newbie to the fourm

    im gonna put in my two cents on the wishing your number was lower part. i get asked what my number is a lot, and my response is always the same and it wont wont change. i dont keep a number, partly because it would be a ball park estimate due to black out night (weve all had them) but mostly because of the way i live MY life, notice how the word "my" is capitalized. its my life, and just because society says having slept with a lot of people isnt a good thing doesnt mean i have to settle down before "the number" gets too high. when i do decide to settle down the girl i setle down with wont care how many people i slept with in my early twenties, not because i expect her to blindly get over that for me, but because im not interested in settling down with a girl that does feel like shes gotta be the only girl in my past in order to have a loving future. if i fall for a girl and its ruined because of that, thats fine.id rather live my life with the consequences of decisions ive made rather than with the consequences of decisions made for me by the social norms keeping everybody else from doing what THEY want. moral of the rant, dont be too hard on yourself about your number, it could be worse.

    now regarding the bit about the forums, yes we are respectful to women and im happy to hear you share our same views on the subject. people like us are few and far between, at least those that are as protective of our "code" for lack of a better word. damn starting to sound like a cult or something haha.

    in regards to your problem with texting, my way of handling it, dont text. im horrid at it so dont ask me for advice in that aha. however, you can be a successful pua without it though it is helpful. id suggest asking linking if you have a specific question about texting. just click on my prof, and hes in my friends list.

    yeah most of us were the "good guy" for a while, for me it didnt take long for me to adopt the lion mentality as suave Kino calls it. you just get to a point where you cant handle being the fall back or the shoulder to cry on anymore. a lot of those guys are also the guys that turn into assholes that hurt women so be careful not to take it too far.

    if ya need anything feel free to ask, otherwise welcome to the forums.
    If i get a guy some a$$, he gets it for a day; if i teach him how to get it for himself, he's tappin forever

  3. #3
    Magnetar is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Newbie to the fourm

    Quote Originally Posted by daltonbrayall View Post

    yeah most of us were the "good guy" for a while, for me it didnt take long for me to adopt the lion mentality as suave Kino calls it. you just get to a point where you cant handle being the fall back or the shoulder to cry on anymore. a lot of those guys are also the guys that turn into assholes that hurt women so be careful not to take it too far.
    I agree with what you said. The reason why I wished my number was lower is not because I am worried about what a woman will think. I am with you the woman I want will let the past be the past. If whoever I settle down with number is as high as mine I would be concerned. I do not ever ask either nor will I. I do not allow JEALOUS women in my world. Now I know all woman are jealous to a degree but overly jealous I do not tolerate. I stopped counting a long time ago, and I consider myself lucky to never have got something that would not go away (I do not know exact nor could I figure it out I do not remember every one lol but I do know it is at least 100).

    I am to the point where I am looking for someone great, who has there sh!t together, who does not need me, and has their own life. It is when I meet these woman that I fail. When I meet someone that fits what I am looking for I have tried to grab on. I fail to make them chase. I did not realize what I was doing wrong until I asked a girl I dated, and started reading on here it became very clear. I am very confident that I can turn that around. I also need to work on aspects of being an all around Alpha. I really like that the forum is what I would consider a all around self improvement for men, rather than a way of manipulating women to get sex. I always thought PUA was people using manipulation.

    You know I do not mind my friends (girl's) crying on my shoulder. They are friends and that is what a good friend should do. However, they have to be friends in the good times as well and be there for me. I actually have hurt quite a few girls in my life and it was not from the example you gave. I did so when I was young and insecure. I remember when I was about 21 so ruffly 10 years ago (wow how much can change in 10 years) a girl leaving crying telling me it is all ways the hot ones who are farked up. Now that I am a man I have tried to at least apologize to the ones I did very wrong and hurt because I was heartless so to speak.

    It is very important to me to treat woman as woman, I feel that a truly confident man will do so. The "GOOD GUY" is not about being an a$$ or not, it is about making them prove their worth to you. The "GOOD GUY" lets them have him too easily. It was not long ago when I realized that I was doing that with the ones I was truly interested in form a response I got from an HB9 to HB9.5 but a 10 because of who she is as a person. I asked her what I did to mess it up, as I was really curious as I planned on keeping her around to see if she was the one I wanted. Her response was (copied and pasted from the email)

    "I had a great time on our dates, and I was surprised at what a good kisser you were, but I didn't feel that spark. I am not one to judge anything on a few meetings, so I wanted to go out again, but I feel the same. I have spent the past couple of days thinking on it, but if it's not there, it's not there, even if I wish there was.
    I think you are a fantastic person, and I really appreciate the things you want to do with your life and your potential to help the world. It is nice to know there are men like you in this world, but I am sorry to say you aren't mine.
    I am sorry you had to ask the question, but it is hard when you have a guy as awesome as you into you, and don't feel the same. I want you to find someone who will appreciate you like you deserve. I wish you luck on your journey, and thank you for the time we got to spend with each other."

    I knew from this that she knew she had me too soon. That is the spark not being there, and she spelled it out to me when she said into her. The days she mentioned she spent thinking about it I know when those were and she was changing in her text etc. I had came on too strong and needed to back off. Basically I needed to flip script and not do the freaking chasing.

    In the past year I have met 4 HB 9 - HB 10's who were solid 10's when you add who they are and I screwed every single one up. I am not saying as I got to know them better I would have wanted any one of them to be the one. I do want to keep them around until I figure it out and if one of them is her then... However, I have to fix that problem so I have the power of choice after all it is on us in who we ask to spend their lives with us. I am not in a hurry to find that one but that is who I am looking for. If that makes sense, basically I am at the point where I am ready to start a family but it will not be with just anyone. I think that single men understand what I mean. You work so hard to get your life in line and get to a point where you have everything you want materially, and trips to Mexico with your buddies are fun but at a point see the world with someone who means a lot to you is more exciting.

  4. #4
    Mater is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Newbie to the fourm

    I had 2 girls in a row tell me I was "Too Nice" right before kicking me into the friend zone. That was an eye opener. As a confident and cocky alpha male I have girls comment on my cockiness but I never get friend-zoned afterward! In fact I take it as an ioi! Just tonight I was texting with a lovely young lady and I made some comments and she called me cocky. "Omg lol your so cocky!" Up to that point the conversation was kind of small talk and facts type of stuff. After I got the cocky comment from her the IOIs started to come through. The girl I have been texting for three months as a texting buddy (I was ok with that as she is 22 and I am 50) suddenly was showing a lot of interest. She was using metaphors about romance relationships from movies to describe how she feels about our relationship!
    Read the Alpha male guide by John Alexander. it has been the most helpful book I've read. Welcome and good luck!

  5. #5
    daltonbrayall is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Newbie to the fourm

    i get ya dude, and ill reply to the more fully when i get a sec, about to fall asleep though. for now if i were you i would read up on frame control. the red baron has a great thread on it, hes in my friends list as well. speak soon.
    If i get a guy some a$$, he gets it for a day; if i teach him how to get it for himself, he's tappin forever

  6. #6
    daltonbrayall is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Newbie to the fourm

    oh and learning the Push Pull method and how to use it well, will be extremely benneficial to frame control.
    If i get a guy some a$$, he gets it for a day; if i teach him how to get it for himself, he's tappin forever

  7. #7
    daltonbrayall is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Newbie to the fourm

    yeah age is just a number, thats the benefit of pua, if done right looks and age dont matter. im 20 and have no problem with girls double my age, actually theyre easier cuz you can disqualify them and neg them more naturally when push pulling. on the other hand, ive been amoged by guys in walkers that end up sleeping with my 24 year old date, aha it goes both ways.
    If i get a guy some a$$, he gets it for a day; if i teach him how to get it for himself, he's tappin forever

  8. #8
    Mater is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Newbie to the fourm

    I had a Number Close on a gorgeous early 20's HB9 a couple of weeks ago. This girl was like way too hot and the dudes she was sitting with looked so pissed when I took her away from them! Lol
    She actually opened me! I immediately went into PUA mode and in 5 minutes she and I were hugging and stuff. The guys she was with were all in their twentys and looking at me like Really? She's into HIM?
    Lol

  9. #9
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    costarica is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Newbie to the fourm

    You are 100% the exact same as me I think.

    I started this journey about 6-7 years ago after a divorce. Solid career, extreme self-confidence in all areas of life except women, close friends I'd had for 15+ years, etc.

    My first experience was someone handing me The Game and telling me to stop dressing so pathetic, stop being so clingy, and stop "going deep" the first 5 minutes I talked to girls. Most of these guys seemed incredibly disrespectful to women at first, but later I realized that wasn't so much the case as they were just not letting women impose their (the women's) reality onto them (the guys).

    I have read and truly studied a dozen books/programs, forced myself into third-world sessions, did 30 day / 300 approach challenges, changed my style to mimic others just to challenge myself, and after all this time, I finally had a realization that I can pretty much talk to and approach anyone on earth now and at minimum keep a conversation going. Even at best you may only "close" 3-4% of all your approaches, but what makes this such a good thing is that you will eventually be able to close 3-4% of HB9's instead of the 3-4% of HB4's that we (as AFC types) were so used to approaching in the first place.

    I have been reading these forums for several years, but only this week I decided to try and do maybe 5-10 posts a day as a way to maybe give back what this community has given me, but also really continue down my own self analysis to see all the stuff I've been saying to guys for the past couple years now appear in print (which is effectively me just continuing to train myself and learn about myself from a 3rd person point of view).

    The forums do represent a very respectful approach to women, though in reality, some of the younger guys that I go out with will often seem different in real life because their focus is so much on "getting laid" and "objectifying women." While I am guilty of this in my past, I think that its still something we all struggle with deep down, because most of us came into this trying to get the "object of our dreams" anyway. I don't know anyone that has truly stop objectifying HB10's at least on some level. HB10's (if they exist) trigger a response in us that we cannot deny and that is just biology

    Read, Listen, and Practice. And keep doing all three. Maybe get a mentor or someone who has been doing it a bit longer as well who forces you to do the self-analysis part. I do that with a few guys in costa rica each year now, and while I may not be the best "athlete" as some of the superstars in this community, i feel like i can be a damn good coach in the sense of getting people to really think about what and why they are doing things. until you really dig deep into the WHY's, then you will remain a atom-iton and regurgitate line after line and routine after routine without every really being able to subconsciously calibrate (the holy grail of this adventure you are starting).

    Good luck.
    - CR

  10. #10
    Magnetar is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Newbie to the fourm, I am Magnetar

    daltonbrayall those two things are exactly what I needed to read thank you.

    To me things are all linear and cause and effect. It was very easy for me to understand inner game and get rid of the delusional thoughts that I used to have once I learned to recognize them and defeat them with logic. This part of the whole dating process if you will was were I could not figure out where I went wrong and when I knew that I needed to flip the script on how to effectively do so.

    Costarica, I typically do not have a problem closing and to be honest generally close almost 100% of the time when I want too. As I said earlier my friends (close ones) who really know me, laugh at it. I can meet more girls in a night Number Close than all of them combined. Yet fark them all up texting and what not. However, I get told a lot that I am hot or handsome so that helps. Plus I do not approach a girl and talk to her like I want to smash her. Honestly if that is what I wanted I would not really have a problem. There are plenty of local bars and if a girl is at a bar she is game to go home with someone if they play their cards right.

    Granted I stumbled the other day at the grocery store. However, I mind f**cked myself because I am reading about the framing and Push Pull. Although, I wish I would not have because the girl was freaking beautiful. I saw her in the grocery store and then when I checked out and went to leave she was at the clothing drop off. Donating a bunch of clothes. I did stop and talk to her though, I just did not try to close. I stopped to tell her it was awesome that she was donating, but she should at least give to the mission or somewhere that will give her a donation slip. That way she could use it for tax purposes. She was so beautiful that I actually stumbled on my words and I never do that. Confidence is one thing that I actually get complimented on. I get told a lot that it is attractive that I am truly confident and not cocky. I should have closed her and kicked myself for not doing so. She was beautiful (blonde which is a biggie for me) and was donating her old clothes. I know that seems like nothing but it means a lot to me. I am very big on volunteering and doing things for others when you will get nothing in return.

    Costarica, you said you started this after a divorce. Do you know yourself better now and what you truly want? I know that do. I do not have a divorce but I've had a crushed, torn out of my chest, and stomped on heart. That one is still hard on me to be honest. Which is something I do not try and let anyone know. I actually know it is hard on her though too. We broke each others hearts by being young, insecure, and other things. It is hard for me because we were right for one another. However, lack of communication and insecurities killed things and led to two broken hearts. Looking back on things it is very easy to say dude wtf were you doing you a**hole. To be honest it was a lot more my fault than hers. I am not just beating on myself because while I take most of the blame it is not all on me. I actually did not talk to or want to talk to a girl for two years when it ended. I needed that time to fix a lot of things about myself. I spent time in therapy, learned to deal with a lot of things, learned to see the delusional thoughts I had about myself, I learned who I am, and what is important to me. I would say the most important things I learned were to see that I am a great man and I learned to LOVE MYSELF. You mentioned finding your "object of your dreams". I want to find the "woman of my dreams" I do not classify a woman as an object. To me that would mean that I can own her. I need someone who is super strong and confident to be able to handle me, or I will run over them and not be attracted to them. I am very quick to pass on a woman as I am past looking for sex. Granted I do talk to woman strictly for sex but they know where they stand. I do not lie to get in their pants and actually I always let a woman make it very clear she wants it. You also said if HB10's exist anyways. I read a post some tool wrote dissing the girl friends of Mystery and others. Claiming they were not hot enough to be anything over a 6. You know a 10 to me may be a 6 to you once you get to know a woman. I do believe that their is a HB10 for everyone. The more I have thought about it, in my eyes HB10's are the ones who YOU feel are the most beautiful woman both inside and out.

    This is where I screw up. When I meet a woman who (it seems)to have all the things I am looking for it is too clear I want her. Its funny actually because I have screwed it up and become friends with a woman on more than one occasion; and every single one of them now want to be with me. However, if a person passes on me then sees who I am and realizes she messed up it is too late. They are on my friends list.

    Now I will say that the best wing man I have is a woman. She is actually lesbian (barbie doll type) and we have fooled around and if any of you have got with a girl who has not been with a man in years and years will probably know what I mean when I say she SUCKED at giving head lol. However, she is extremely hot and we have a blast together. Woman are always curious about men when other woman are having a ton of fun with him.


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