Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 27
Like Tree2Likes

Thread: Need serious help getting out of ljbf for my one-itis. Please help!

  1. #1
    Jrandall is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 74, Level: 1
    Level completed: 48%, Points required for next Level: 26
    Overall activity: 12.5%
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    20
    Points
    74
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    8

    Unhappy Need serious help getting out of ljbf for my one-itis. Please help!

    Hey guys,

    I really need a pua's help. I met this girl 18 months ago and we became close friends. She had a serious boyfriend who is a douche and I think she's still kind of in love with him but now they're not together. Anyway, we spoke EVERY DAY, and before I knew it I had developed feelings for her . Bear in mind I only knew about this whole pua/the game about 2 weeks ago! So unfortunately this could have been sorted a long time ago! :-(
    We go out a couple times, like an AFC I take her to dinner couple times and she gets with me whenever she's been drinking. Not even heavy drinking, just a few so the attraction comes out. Anyway, whenever we are sober, (again like a fcuking afc) I always tell her how much I like her and I tell her I can't be friends with her and can't even be around her unless I can be wih her. She wants to talk to me EVERY day, she always stares at me in a very pensive way, she hates it when I talk to other girls but ONCE AGAIN like an afc I give her what she wants. Now obv I've got one-itis all because I fcukd up/have no game.

    Can someone (anyone!) pleaseeeee help me coz atm it's killing me and putting me in a sh1t place

    Thanks

    Jr

  2. #2
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 4,453, Level: 45
    Level completed: 36%, Points required for next Level: 97
    Overall activity: 3.7%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    552
    Points
    4,453
    Level
    45
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts
    Rep Power
    228

    Default Re: Need serious help getting out of ljbf for my one-itis. Please help!

    She has you wrapped round her little finger and she knows it. You need to be blunt and honest and re-establish control.

    Normally you wouldn't just lay it out like this but seeing as you've dug yourself a bit of a hole I think it's your best option.

    say something like "you know I like you and I know you like me, I want more than this" Don't go overboard and start telling her you love her or how special she is. Leave it at that and just see what she comes back with.

    If she avoids the issue or says she's happy with how things are etc then just say "ok, well I need some space" and leave.

    Freeze her out, don't respond to her texts or talk to her. If you see her out and about be polite and say hi but don't give in to her, don't pull her. This will drive her mad as she will start to see she hasn't got you under her thumb and will then either let you go or struggle to cling to what she has.

    You are waiting for her to realise that she can't have you as a fall back guy that she can pull whenever she wants. You need to wait until she comes back with a text or comment that essentially says "I miss you". Once you get that re-engage from a much stronger position.

    Don't cave or accept a compromise, push the line of you want a relationship or nothing... no halfway house. You have to be willing to walk away or you stand no chance at all.

  3. #3
    Jrandall is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 74, Level: 1
    Level completed: 48%, Points required for next Level: 26
    Overall activity: 12.5%
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    20
    Points
    74
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    8

    Default Re: Need serious help getting out of ljbf for my one-itis. Please help!

    She has you wrapped round her little finger and she knows it. You need to be blunt and honest and re-establish control.

    I AGREE

    Normally you wouldn't just lay it out like this but seeing as you've dug yourself a bit of a hole I think it's your best option.

    AGREED

    say something like "you know I like you and I know you like me, I want more than this" Don't go overboard and start telling her you love her or how special she is. Leave it at that and just see what she comes back with.

    I KNOW WHAT SHE WILL SAY "I WISH I COULD BE WITH YOU BUT I JUST DON'T FIND YOU SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE 'ANYMORE' " the anymore is what will kill me lol. Wtf can I even say to that????

    If she avoids the issue or says she's happy with how things are etc then just say "ok, well I need some space" and leave.

    THAT'S WHERE IM AT ATM. GONE FROM SPEAKING EVERYDAY TO NOT A SINGLE WORD IN OVER A WEEK.

    Freeze her out, don't respond to her texts or talk to her. If you see her out and about be polite and say hi but don't give in to her, don't pull her. This will drive her mad as she will start to see she hasn't got you under her thumb and will then either let you go or struggle to cling to what she has.

    You are waiting for her to realise that she can't have you as a fall back guy that she can pull whenever she wants. You need to wait until she comes back with a text or comment that essentially says "I miss you". Once you get that re-engage from a much stronger position.

    SHE HAS SAID I MISS YOU I NEED YOU I LOVE YOU ETC MANY TIMES BEFORE AND DURING THE Freeze Out BUT AS I SAY, GONE FROM SPEAKING EVERYDAY TO NOT A SINGLE WORD IN OVER A WEEK. WHAT DO I SAY NEXT TIME (IF :-( ) SHE MESSAGES ME ???

    Don't cave or accept a compromise, push the line of you want a relationship or nothing... no halfway house. You have to be willing to walk away or you stand no chance at all.

    I WAS THINKING ABOUT AFTER ANOTHER WEEK OF NOTHING OF SAYING "YOU CAN TAKE ME OUT FOR A DRINK THIS WEEK IF YOUR UP FOR IT' BUT IS THAT ME CONCEDING DEFEAT? OR SHOULD I TRY AND LET THE DRINK GET HER BACK INTO BED AND THEN FREEZE THE NEXT DAY??? I AM PREPARED TO LOSE HER BUT I AM WORRIED SHE IS PLAYING THE PERFECT GAME BUT WOULD SHE REALLY RISK LOSING ME?? THANKS FOR YOUR HELP

  4. #4
    Jrandall is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 74, Level: 1
    Level completed: 48%, Points required for next Level: 26
    Overall activity: 12.5%
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    20
    Points
    74
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    8

    Default Re: Need serious help getting out of ljbf for my one-itis. Please help!

    Ah man typical, as I'm thinking bout her so is she.

    Her to me just now "I want my baby back baby back baby back'

    Me to you "what do I say/do"

    Lol

    Thanks again

  5. #5
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 4,453, Level: 45
    Level completed: 36%, Points required for next Level: 97
    Overall activity: 3.7%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    552
    Points
    4,453
    Level
    45
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts
    Rep Power
    228

    Default Re: Need serious help getting out of ljbf for my one-itis. Please help!

    It's quite hard to read what's going on here, so you've been Freezing Her Out but you didn't reply when she said that she missed/ loved you?

    It seems as though she doesn't know what she wants... the last text is a bit strange because without knowing where your relationship is exactly I can't determine whether the tone is jokey with the baby back ribs theme, or just her semi-serious way of saying she misses you.

    My read of the situation is that she's playing around and seems to want to hold you in that fall back position. If that's the case, be blunt and just say what you want.

    "I want a relationship and I'm not happy taking anything less than that."

    You don't want to hold onto her if she's never going to commit to you, you'd both be better off going separate ways. Be firm and stick to your guns, you don't want to just hang out or pull when drunk etc.

    I would also be best to have this kind of conversation in person. You basically need to convey that it's either relationship or nothing.

    oh and the sexual attraction thing sounds like bollocks to me, if she pulls you when you're out she finds you attractive.

  6. #6
    Jrandall is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 74, Level: 1
    Level completed: 48%, Points required for next Level: 26
    Overall activity: 12.5%
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    20
    Points
    74
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    8

    Default Re: Need serious help getting out of ljbf for my one-itis. Please help!

    It's quite hard to read what's going on here, so you've been Freezing Her Out but you didn't reply when she said that she missed/ loved you?

    DIDN'T REPLY, SHE MEANS LOVE MISS ETC AS FRIENDS, OR SO SHE SAYS SHE DOES

    It seems as though she doesn't know what she wants... the last text is a bit strange because without knowing where your relationship is exactly I can't determine whether the tone is jokey with the baby back ribs theme, or just her semi-serious way of saying she misses you.

    SHE DEF DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS. SHE'S ADMITS THAT ANYWAY. THE RELATIONSHIP IS THAT SHE WANTS FRIENDS ONLY AND I WANT HER ONLY. THE LAST WE LEFT IT WAS SHE WAS ONLY ALLOWED TO MSG ME IF SHE WAS READY, AND ONLY I MESSAGE IF WANNA BE FRIENDS LOL. TODAY SHE OBV BROKE THAT RULE, IT'S EXACTLY A SEMI SERIOUS WAY OF SAYING....

    My read of the situation is that she's playing around and seems to want to hold you in that fall back position. If that's the case, be blunt and just say what you want.

    "I want a relationship and I'm not happy taking anything less than that."

    You don't want to hold onto her if she's never going to commit to you, you'd both be better off going separate ways. Be firm and stick to your guns, you don't want to just hang out or pull when drunk etc.

    I would also be best to have this kind of conversation in person. You basically need to convey that it's either relationship or nothing.

    oh and the sexual attraction thing sounds like bollocks to me, if she pulls you when you're out she finds you attractive.

    LOVE IT, THAT MAKES ME FEEL A TAD BETTER :-) ALSO SHE ADMITS TO FINDING ME ATTRACTIVE WHEN WE FIRST MET AND ALL THAT BOLLOCKS.

  7. #7
    Jrandall is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 74, Level: 1
    Level completed: 48%, Points required for next Level: 26
    Overall activity: 12.5%
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    20
    Points
    74
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    8

    Default Re: Need serious help getting out of ljbf for my one-itis. Please help!

    So should I reply to this message?

  8. #8
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 4,453, Level: 45
    Level completed: 36%, Points required for next Level: 97
    Overall activity: 3.7%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    552
    Points
    4,453
    Level
    45
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts
    Rep Power
    228

    Default Re: Need serious help getting out of ljbf for my one-itis. Please help!

    Ah ok, yeah this girl smacks of not knowing what she wants to be honest. Her messages are confusing because she's confused...

    Attraction is based on a lot more than physicality, the attraction probably died off a fair bit because you were too available and you told her how much you liked her etc too soon.

    Personally I wouldn't reply to that message because it looks like she's just fishing for you to validate her and tell her you miss her too. I'd wait for a more emotionally charged and serious text than that. It's not just what she says but how she says it; tone is very very important.

    You need her to actually properly miss you before re-engaging otherwise you'll slip to being stuck back under her thumb. My advise would be to wait for a more explosive text.

    I might be a serious I miss you or it might be an angry response at you not replying. Either way it means she cares and is investing emotionally, that'll give you something to work with.

    overall, you really do need to make it clear that it's relationship or nothing.

  9. #9
    Jrandall is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 74, Level: 1
    Level completed: 48%, Points required for next Level: 26
    Overall activity: 12.5%
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    20
    Points
    74
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    8

    Default Re: Need serious help getting out of ljbf for my one-itis. Please help!

    Thank you so much for your help

    Ill keep you posted :-)

  10. #10
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 31,205, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 99.0%
    Achievements:
    Social25000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Awards:
    Most PopularCommunity Award
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    2,120
    Points
    31,205
    Level
    100
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts
    Rep Power
    1373

    Default Re: Need serious help getting out of ljbf for my one-itis. Please help!

    I'm going to have to say a different approach because I actually do have experience with dealing with friends that you want more with.

    The first rule of dealing with friends that you want more with is...

    DO NOT VERBALIZE ANYTHING!!!

    I can't stress this enough. Verbalizing it brings it to light instead of "letting things happen." When you tell her how you feel and that you want more then you have become the ultimate AFC.

    She needs to feel like it just happened. When you verbalize you are forcing her to admit that something is happening or could happen. If you are kissing and she says "I can't believe this is happening." Don't respond directly to it. Just smile and KEEP KISSING.

    Only after sex should you start talking about being together. I MEAN IT.

    DO NOT TALK ABOUT BEING TOGETHER UNTIL AFTER SEX!!

    She will say a lot of different things while you are physically escalating that may throw you off. "I'm not so sure about this." "But what about our friendship?" "Is this really happening?"

    These are all things that you can LITERALLY ignore and keep going. When she says these things is almost like she's working through the situation in her mind, but just so happens to verbalize it. She's not really talking to you, but her self. So why would you respond? My suggestion is don't respond. Just smile and kiss her again.

    I'm very confident about this so if you follow what I say I guarantee you will sleep with her.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."


Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. One-itis.. Help me please?
    By .complete.noob in forum General Questions
    Replies: 32
    Last Thread: 01-09-2013, 08:55 PM
  2. LJBF ONE-ITIS stuff gone solid
    By Schmoffel in forum General Questions
    Replies: 13
    Last Thread: 11-29-2012, 06:12 PM
  3. Bad case of one itis? or something else? help
    By gh0stfac3 in forum General Questions
    Replies: 22
    Last Thread: 06-04-2012, 10:28 AM
  4. AFC, one itis, AA yup I'm a failure
    By chinchilla in forum New Member Introductions
    Replies: 5
    Last Thread: 05-14-2012, 09:32 PM
  5. Cure for One-itis
    By ThePrep in forum Members Lounge
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 05-24-2011, 07:25 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com