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Thread: How is being a PUA going to help me?

  1. #1
    Meloen is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default How is being a PUA going to help me?

    Yooo

    First of all, let me introduce myself. My name is Danny. Iím an 18 year old guy who is recently confronted with the PUA community. I am surely interested in it, but I still have some unanswered, burning questions.
    People call me a handsome, smart and shy. But I almost have no social life. My girlfriend and I have recently broke up. Weíve been together for 4 years. I still hang out with her sometimes, the main reason being that I have no one else to hang around with.
    Last weekend I went out and I kissed a girl on her lips without even n-closing her. That whole night I had 10 girls coming up to me. I just donít know what to do and how to act, like n-closing or k-closing. After this night I realized that, when there were opportunities, I still didnít do anything. After this I felt the urge to do something about it
    Socially seen I am weak, as the uninteresting guy I am, with no friends and no interesting school education. The reason that my aa is so high is because: Iím afraid that girls will see what kind of loser I am, that I have nothing of interest for them, I donít know how to act and what to do around a girl, donít have things to talk about, I donít know which routines to use, I donít know when to close or do something risky, I donít have enough content and because my social life is weak.
    I donít truly know what people (a HB or a guy who is a potential friend) want and how to get them in a relation with me. The reason I am so attracted to the PUA community is because I want my social life improved. Making friends and picking up girls. I want to improve myself.
    So my questions are:
    Can you guys give me some guidance on how to deal with these things? I think of you guys as well respected, confident, life living, men.
    Is being a PUA also a way to improve your social skills overall?
    Is this the best way to learn how to pick up girls? Or is it better if Iíd improve my confidence by other ways and then the ability of picking up girls and being social will come automatically?

    While tired of all the masturbating, unhappy with the life Iím living and tired fantasizing about a great social life, I wrote this.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: How is being a PUA going to help me?

    Seems like you know a lot of your "don'ts." But what about your "do's?"

    Here at the community we know how important it is that our minds play tricks on us. The issue is really about changing your Mindset. That comes with time and effort. Because you can't suddenly behave as if you have a lot of friends when you don't. But you have to change your mindset to get friends. It's a cycle. That's why we came up with the phrase "Fake it til you make it."

    Understand a few basics and you'll be fine.

    - Everyone has a story to tell. Become genuinely interesting in getting to know who people are as a person and let them tell you their story. A lot of the time you only need to nod your head in agreement to what they say and they think your the coolest person alive!

    - This...takes...time. For the first 6-10 months I was going to clubs and bars BY MYSELF. You know how scary that shit is for a beginning PUA? But I pushed myself and made it through. And it was well worth it. I started having people invite me out EVERY weekend. To the point where I had to choose between groups of people and sometimes got tired and didn't want to go out. But usually did it anyways to stay consistent or they'd guilt trip me into doing it lol. Be patient and push your comfort zone. "How do you expect things to change if you don't change?" Good quote right?

    - Look at this entire learning process as a game. It helps take the pressure off and makes it more fun to try new things you haven't before. When you go to a bar or cafť you'll see it as recess. A time to play and practice your skills. And that there is no failure. Only learning experiences.

    - Accept the fact that you WILL fuck up. You WILL make mistakes and you will occasionally have that awkward moment where you wish you never said or did something. And that's perfectly fine. Everyone goes through it. You are not alone. Shit , I'm not perfect and still screw up. So what! Life goes on so live it. Not spend time regretting it.

    Hope this helps and good luck.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
    Slybootsucci is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How is being a PUA going to help me?

    Not every PUA is as confident in the field as they are among their comrades. You will come to find that. It's only natural. But that's why being a PUA is great: you are surrounded with other people who are 100% there to support your endeavors with women in the future. We all want each other to have great relationships and become more confident and successful in general.

    At least that's how I understand it. Bar none the most beneficial part of being a PUA that I personally have discovered is how amazing it feels to not deal with rejection like I used to. Granted I'm still somewhat of an AFC, I've gone from grieving for months over a girl I JUST met and hit it off with and then it never came to sex just foreplay and I thought she was the world to me. Now the same sort of thing happens and the very next day I'm out talking to two or three more girls and getting a few numbers.

    I think to be a true PUA you have to love the game. You have to appreciate all it's intricacies. Do you play any video games? Anything technical? Even like WoW arenas is a good example. People get hooked to those games because they are intricate and strategic and it's subconsciously extremely gratifying to hone your skills and know you have an advantage over other players and know that even when you lose there is great success to be had ahead if you just keep practicing.

    It's a longwinded analogy, but I think it works. Haha. Basically you become somewhat addicted to it after a while. But it's a GOOD thing to be addicted to. Why? Because it helps to fully develop your personality and become confident with not only women but all relationships in life. Eventually that confidence WILL produce success. If not with women, at least with your job, family, and other things and then eventually yes, with women.

    I still stand by the best part of being a PUA though is that you deal with rejection so much better because you are always confident there is a girl put there, hotter than the last, more of a livewire than the last, and who will make you happier than the last.

    People skills expand our possibilities in life. You never know what connection will grant you a miracle later so why not make friends with everyone?

    Sometimes girls laugh at me when I talk it up with random people. But I just tell them what I just said and then something silly like "Is there an issue with me being the best friend maker ever?". That one of my favorite ways of dhv. By just showing girls you make connections easily they know you will go places and will never have a problem finding a beautiful woman to be with because they themselves want exactly the kind of guy you are. That's your leverage. They know that you will be okay if not better off without them so they become that much more attracted!

    So don't ask why a PUA is good to be, but rather why being a PUA is good for you all around. Because it is. You will be so much more successful in everything if you can be successful with women. Something about being happy with our sex lives just makes us men 1000x as radiant. If you are ALWAYS beaming, you are guaranteed a good life, and if not at least a life of happiness.

  4. #4
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How is being a PUA going to help me?

    I noticed how you said "I'm afraid they will find out what kind of loser I am". Such a horrible way to look at yourself man. That is actually one of the main focuses for this stuff, as batman said, our minds trick us into thinking these things. For some it is relatively easy to unlearn, while others struggle and it takes them a long time. Sounds like you have a pretty low opinion of yourself man, sorry to hear that. You seem like you might be a pretty cool guy!
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  5. #5
    mfulminate is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How is being a PUA going to help me?

    I think the best thing about the PUA community is that it focuses on getting off your ass and taking control of the parts of your life you aren't happy with. None of this is easy for anyone at the start, and everyone has their moments - but they are working on it, and so are you.

    Get out, have fun, and learn.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: How is being a PUA going to help me?

    There is nothing you can do to make someone else like you. I used to try and control how people feel about me but that was a lost cause. You must focus on improving yourself and let the minor little details take care of themselves. For instance you can work out (I just started this year and gained 15 lbs of muscle), getting a decent wardrobe, focus on having nice things, having a good car, furthering your career, looking your best, and improving your social circle. All these things will look attractive to women. If you are just going out sarging and doing nothing else to improve yourself what's the point? That's why I joined the Gym this year as part of my new year's res since I wanted to start working out when I was 19 since I was insecure about being skinny. Now I am far less insecure at 170Lbs when I was only 155Lbs last year. People always told me I need to eat, LOL that's not the issue I needed to work out. Now I get compliments about being buff, have I been working out, etc. But all in all start wherever you can. There's a lot of competition out there from non-AFC naturals who will approach your potential targets, who make you look like a rookie who doesn't know what he is doing and are always doing their best to work out and stay well kept, so should you. Overall your approach to Pick Up should be a life change not a sudden interest you pursue in your free time. That's the wrong method. Focus on improving your body, dress style, social circle, career, and personal belongings in order and that will give you the edge to feel confident and feel good about yourself which is essential to having good inner game. Having good inner game is about feeling good and if you get stiffled you're done. You shouldn't make it a job either I did that at one point and stopped caring about the things that mattered to me and lost focus in my life. Keep things in perspective. Gaming is fun but you need down time, time to play video games, hang out with friends, etc. Sarging is no fun 24/7. Too much drama to be that great. But it's great to have as a tool to make your nights and days better. Pick Up is not something you can just do for a little while then stop when you have someone. What if they break up with you? What if you get divorced? What if you stop liking them? Too many people get caught up in the moment and love the person they are with and can't stand to lose them because of the thought of starting over, don't want someone else to have them, or just plain afraid because of scarcity Mindset.

    I see this happen a lot. Guy meets girl. Guy takes girl out. Guy and girl get together. Guy and girl are obsessed with each other. Girl breaks up with guy and guy loses hope. Must have girl back! Going around like this is pathetic. Your inner game should always be worked on in a relationship because if a split does occur far less damage control because you can go out that weekend and rebound like nothing. This will cause you no fear of losing someone you love because you have plenty of options therefor not causing you any heartbreak. You can come out on top! And if you really love the girl then marry her. Pick up is going to help you become a well rounded male suitor. Not some weak lame I can only get one hot chick in my entire life must hang on to her endlessly AFC. I stopped putting so much investment in the outcome thanks to Pick Up. Now I hardly ever dream of happily ever after and just want to be happy. I know now is not the time for me to settle down. In the end you want to become a good pick up artist therefor you can no longer go AFC on chicks in your normal everyday routine. This is what happened to me. I used to always go AFC and get oneitis when I found a pretty girl in real life. Now that I do Pick Up when I run into HB's I rarely if ever get oneitis and screen far more. I actually am basing things less on looks now and more focused on the real person if I like them, if they make me laugh, how they treat me, etc.

  7. #7
    Meloen is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How is being a PUA going to help me?

    You guys are so right. Your comments seriously helped me, made me enthusiast and happy. I need to see this as a life change instead of a hobby. Working out, faking it till I make it, changing my Mindset, coming out of my comfort zone, looking around the forum, starting to seriously improving my innergame, sarging and making a new direction in my life are going to be my main, upcoming, activities.

    I can’t thank you guys enough!

  8. #8
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How is being a PUA going to help me?

    There is one thing to be aware of with the "Fake it until you make it" philosophy. When a girl tests you, you tend to fail a lot more. This is OKAY it is how we learn. Also, EASY DOES IT. You cannot make these changes over night, it takes time. Focus on one or two things at once. Don't start working out 5 days a week, you will end up missing a day, then another, then not doing it at all. Say, "I'm going to eat good two days a week." Stick to that. Certain days. Then when you do that without issue, add a third day in. Say, "I'm going to work out one day a week, on this particular day." If you can't make that day, fit it in the day before, never after. Then as time goes on you can add another day. This is how you break bad habbits and change your lifestyle. All at once and it will get to be too overwhelming and you will be expecting results when there are none yet.

    The exception to this rule is leaving your comfort zone, this should be done immediately without fail and every chance you get. You will puss out sometimes, but you will get better as time goes on.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  9. #9
    Slybootsucci is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How is being a PUA going to help me?

    Quote Originally Posted by Meloen View Post
    You guys are so right. Your comments seriously helped me, made me enthusiast and happy. I need to see this as a life change instead of a hobby. Working out, faking it till I make it, changing my Mindset, coming out of my comfort zone, looking around the forum, starting to seriously improving my innergame, sarging and making a new direction in my life are going to be my main, upcoming, activities.

    I canít thank you guys enough!
    Meloen! Glad to hear you see all the potential here. One very important word of advice (and this is something I'm actually currently writing in my book of How to Be Successful -in general): revelations, short bursts of enthusiasm - they are just that: BRIEF!

    You might get into this and two months later find yourself back in a routine and acting like an AFC. Then come back and have another revelation, etc.

    Have you had a heart to heart with anyone about losing your gf yet? Maybe this was it? You suddenly feel energized and on top of the world! Well let me tell you again: IT'S BRIEF. To be so happy and beaming all the time is, unfortunately, unrealistic - when you have no experience with it! That's the key. You are going to have to have that feeling a billion times in this life before you're ever able to hold onto it.

    Some people never can. That my friend is a normal life. Ups and downs. Natural. But if you want to stay on the ups and have the downs be the brief part, then you are going to have to work at it.

    Obtain knowledge. Anything that makes you happy or makes you feel like you're improving yourself vastly. That's one small trick I learned because the more new knowledge you obtain, the more times you have a chance to be hit with one of these revelation type moments that send you off to own the world for a few days, a week, maybe only even an hour!?

    I picked up chess about 6 months ago when my gf broke with me. Seems incredibly nerdy right? But there's so much to it and it's got so many applications to real life strategies. It also helped me find something to be passionate about besides hating my ex lmfao.

    I'm not sure if this is going to get through to you the first time, maybe not even the second But one thing I know for sure is if this help you got amps you up for the next month and then you fall off get some life shit done, realize you're still in a rut and come bak and read THIS reply, then you will know exactly what I'm talking about here. These inspirations don't last forever. You have to be DETERMINED.

    You have to know that you won't feel good forever and be prepared to come back and get your shit straight whenever it so happens you start to slip. The longer you can hold onto that attitude you just displayed in your reply, the more likely you are to become it over time. But one brief revelation, hell even 1,000,000 won't do it.

    Surround yourself with activities, hobbies, and people that have a good chance to bring out that enthusiasm on a regular basis. If you do that not only will you pick up the PUa game and become better faster, but it will also help you be positive outside of the game too. Your inner game with naturally increase, your life and job and friends will start to seem to come together like it's too good to be true. And then you will discover the true feeling of a master PUA when girls are just checking you out constantly like, "Im not sure what it is but that guy has it going on."

    You may even discover that briefly too, I know I have. If theres a month stretch where everything in my life is constantly adding to my enthusiasm, I always have a huge increase in the number of women in my life. And I dont mean sex partners. Just the number pf women I'm talking to and approaching and impressing regularly.

    But remember! It's brief! Next month maybe my family fights and I fail a class in college and get lazy about finding a new job and my financials dwindle. Then suddenly I feel like shit and the girls around me respond accordingly, by not coming into my life because it's not something they want to be a part of.

    This is the best tip i think anyone can give really. It's more than just PUA stuff. It's about being successful in general. You have to recognize that extreme enthusiasm is brief and should be harnessed and maximized always. So while you have this burst of energy go make something of it. You will get results. I know it. It will feel good. I know it. Then maybe a girl will give you oneitis really quick and she'll lose interest. Then you'll feel like shit for weeks. And then maybe first another source of inspiration. And get amped, and find some more girls.

    Whats the trend? When you are enthused, you are getting results. So do whatever you can to stay enthused man. It's a struggle every human has but the more you can harness that energy and keep it for extended periods, the better off your life will be in general because you will be seeing results. Eventually so many that you will find it silly to be any other way but always happy and enthusiastic. For if not, you aren't seeing results, or at least not nearly as good of results.

    So take this and run with it man. Make it happen. And hopefully when you peak and come down you remember to find new/continued inspiration and when it comes recognize it's only brief again. Always!

  10. #10
    NomdePlume is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How is being a PUA going to help me?

    If you work on your inner game you will just become a stronger, more confident, more enjoyable version of yourself. This will apply to all aspects of life.


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