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  1. #1
    Eighty-Seven's Avatar
    Eighty-Seven is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default In dire need of getting out of my shell / feeling comfortable around groups

    Hello.
    First off, my good friends call me Dougie. So thats what I usually go for. Eighty-Seven is my ice hockey number from when I was younger.
    I am socially awkward. I get really uncomfortable in crowded spaces and around other dudes especially-I always feel like there might be a scrap if I talk to a girl around other guys. I'm not sure this a normal feeling.
    Sticking points are approaching and holding a conversation as well feeling comfortable in my own skin.
    Mostly, though I'm here because I feel like attracting all the wrong girls. Mainly sluts with no future and while thats great for the short term the long term is finding a 8-10 with a 12 personality and being able to hold onto her.
    Thanks.
    Dougie

  2. #2
    joejoe1084 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: In dire need of getting out of my shell / feeling comfortable around gr

    Welcome, dude.

    You're not getting what you want; i.e., talking (or whatever) sluts.

    My take is that it's going to be difficult. But you already came here and are motivated, so it shouldn't be too big a problem.

    First, start over.
    When you're in a group: contribute. I used to be super shy, so I would just do a quick comeback or make fun of something/someone in a playful way. By quick, I mean, "Yeah, if your grandma made such great cookies, then they'd be all gone by now. So far, I'm the only one eating them." This is making fun of others in the group, but in a playful way, because you're eating them, but not all of them. This is a great trick, make fun of a person(s) in a playful way, then one-up the person(s) by saying/implying you're doing something better.

    Second, relax.
    You can use that example, and even if you're nervous, it will still be gold. Granted, it won't be polished gold because people will naturally see your nervousness. But practice makes perfect. Start with small come-backs, or short, quick remarks and your confidence will grow. This is the only way (apart from drinking/doing drugs) to get over a lack of confidence.

    Thirdly, play it cool.
    Does it matter if that hot girl won't look at you? Whatever happens, you're going to be cool, because if you're not, no one will be on your team. Are you still in high school trying to get an A+ and be the most popular person in school. No. Because you're too cool for that. What's this or that hot girl, or any girl or any person, going to say? "You're ugly, you're a jerk," or throw a drink in your face, start a fight"? Even if all of that happens (which is definitely not going to) just say to the bad situation (out loud if you want) "That's cool." Because really, you had the integrity and courage to do something that no one else was doing, (talking to a hot girl or whatever). Here is a great example from a youtube clip from That 70's Show: 'hyde teaches Jackie how to be zen that 70's show' Type that into the search and watch and learn.

    Lastly, practice.
    If you aren't practicing, leave. Straight up, leave this message board and leave PUA to the men. Because, man, you don't have the skills 'til you make 'em. Practice saying "That's cool." in the mirror, in front of friends. Practice using techniques you learn from this PUA website and PUA books. Practice talking to cashiers, clerks, coworkers, family, friends, everyone!

    And...good luck!

  3. #3
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: In dire need of getting out of my shell / feeling comfortable around gr

    All awesome points brought up by joe. Another thing you should really do is learn about who and what you really are. You think you know yourself, but I can assure you that there is far more to know and understand about yourself than you think. For me to really understand the kind of person I was, I had to sit down in front of a chalk board for 12 hours and brainstorm.

    This helps for three main reasons. First, it brings out the qualities and traits that you would like to improve upon or change. Second, this shows you what kind of girls are attracted to you based on your qualities and so on. Third, using this road map, you can adjust who you are and what you do to attract the correct crowd.

    Good luck on the forums, and don't be afraid to ask questions. The members of the forums are always available for help via private messaging or posting a thread. Happy learning
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X


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