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  1. #1
    fanhit is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default New to the dating world after a MLTR (widower). Now I have severe Oneitis!

    Some context: I've just come off a 15 year MLTR (my wife passed away) and I started dating again about 2 months ago.

    I figured that POF would be a good venue to meet women. While it's true that men tend to outnumber women on dating websites, it does provide convenience.

    My first girlfriend from POF was closer to my age (early 40s). She was about average in looks, but was really good in bed. But we fought a lot. She kept asking me if I was a "player" because I supposedly talked like one. Never mind that I had just come off a long MLTR! I had no idea what a player was, and it was at that point I started to learn how the dating world had changed dramatically in the 15 years that I was out of the loop. Reading up on PUA was quite the revelation to me.

    The last fight we had, she didn't contact me for three days. I was hurt that she just went cold like that, so I read up online on what to do when a girlfriend pushes you away. I think it was Heartiste who suggested that instead of chasing after her, the best weapon to use is silence. As hard as it was for me to do that, I pulled it off. And besides, she was a bit nuts anyway. She eventually texted that she was breaking up with me and I continued to stay silent. At that point, I felt relieved to be honest. But the ex-GF has tried a number of times to contact me since our breakup trying to win me back. I don't answer the phone when she calls, and I don't reply to her texts and emails.

    In the meantime, I set up 2 more dates. This time with much younger women -- Girl 1: 15 years younger, and Girl 2: 10 years younger.

    I met Girl 1 at a gym as our first date. While she seemed to be very quiet, she was very receptive to my slow Kino advances while we sat next to each other in the hut tub. We've taken things hot and heavy on a number of occasions. We are physically attracted to each other but on a personality level, there's not much in common.

    I met Girl 2 at a slightly upscale music lounge. Everything that you can imagine on how a first date would go went perfectly. She was sweet, charming and giggled at all of my jokes. We held hands and necked a few times. At the end of the evening as I walked her to her car, she wrapped her arms around my head and kissed me passionately. It was almost like a scene from a movie. At that moment, I started to fall hard for her.

    Girl 1 texted me a few days later and said plainly that she wasn't into getting a LTR but made it very clear that she was available any time that I needed an FWB. Awesome, I thought.

    But I focused all of my thoughts and energies into Girl 2. I brought her flowers for a dinner at home date and she was so moved and thanked me. She claimed no man has ever bought her flowers before. We made mad passionate love. I was falling under her spell, and I was hooked. Big time.

    I saw some red flags with Girl 2--she talked of boyfriends who treated her badly in the past. I remember these types of girls in my pre-married days: they say they're tired of dating assholes and the like, and they want to find a nice man (which is what I am, basically). But these relationships that I had where I sincerely made an effort to make them feel special would go all for naught. They'd drop me after a few weeks. While the heartbreak is horrible, at least I was able to get laid.

    But my Oneitis with Girl 2 made me blind to all that. She is in her early 30s and shouldn't be like those high school girls, right? Well, I got burned. The same nagging feeling I had with high school and college-era girlfriends who went cold on me, happened with her. My phone calls with her became less and less affectionate. She eventually said LJBF and start over.

    While Girl 2 was going cold, I saw Girl 1 to give me some respite. She does make me forget about my Oneitis, but only temporarily.

    Girl 2 invited me to go to a night club on Saturday while she was out with her friends. I go there figuring I could use some game to reel her back in. Nope--she was quite frosty at any minor advances that I'd make. On the dance floor, she made very little eye contact with me.

    At that point, I began to make eye contact with a woman in her early 20s. Very attractive, and she was FUN. We just talked and laughed about all kinds of things. On the dance floor, she made fun of my dancing but was grinding against me. I think Girl 2 took notice of that, so the next time we were on the dance floor together, she was much more attentive to me. But after our dance, I made it a point to talk and flirt with that early 20s party girl. When I said goodbye to Girl 2, I said it in a cold and distant manner. I don't know what Girl 2 thinks of all that--and I wish I could read her mind.

    I haven't spoken to Girl 2 since then--not even bothering to text her. Is she jealous of what I did that night? Will she contact me eventually? I don't put any of my hopes that she will. I figure though that if I just stay silent, it will at least help me preserve my dignity if nothing else. Maybe she will reflect on all the nice things that I did for her in the interim.

    I've shown Girl 2's photograph to my counselor (the one who is helping me with my grieving) and she seemed shocked as to why I was so head over heels with her. According to her, she seems fairly average, and a bit overweight. She thinks I can do MUCH BETTER than her--I am financially secure, I look fairly young and fit for my age, and any woman would be the lucky one to have me. She says that I should let Girl 2 chase me for a while and that I should be more patient.

    Yes it's true that my attraction for Girl 2 is not all that based on tangible features. Girl 1 would be more attractive to most people compared to Girl 2. She might be a 6/10 to everybody else, but she's a 10/10 to me. But it is her infectious smile and her personality that just makes my heart melt. I look at her FaceBook page and I just can't help but be reminded of the early stage of our romance. She seems to be like a dream girl to me. But this type of love is poisonous to me. Even if she were to take me back, my natural beta personality would creep out again. I'm quite good at short term game to get women into bed, but I don't have the strength to pull it off long term.

    I can't for the life of me use alpha game on Girl 2. But it's very very very easy for me to do that with Girl 1--it's not a problem for me to take 2 days to respond to her texts and play some mind games with her. I think my playing hard to get with Girl 1 is making her quite smitten with me. While I don't feel any strong emotional attachment to her, she is fun to be around though.

    I'm always curious as to the real reason why Girl 2 lost interest in me. Girl 2 has a certain power over my mind that I can't quite describe. The obvious answer is that I became too available. She gave me her body, and I gave her my heart.

    In spite of all that heartbreak and drama, it is quite a thrill for me to be able to attract women much younger than myself. While I am older than most of you, I am basically a n00b when it comes to game. I'd like to branch out from POF to going out in night clubs to attract women. I'm really really good at making eye contact, which is something that I can't do online obviously. But I can't go in alone. Problem is, is that most of my male friends (who could be potential wing men) are married.

  2. #2
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    cdharders is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: New to the dating world after a MLTR (widower). Now I have severe Onei

    Check out the wings here. You need people with the same Mindset to get good at this. If you're in Austin, San Diego, SF, LA, or Vegas, hit me up. I have tons of wings in all those cities.
    The Official Tinder Playbook--> m <--Stop swiping, start hooking up

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