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Thread: How to increase comfort levels

  1. #1
    hlestar is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default How to increase comfort levels

    I have meet with this amazing woman who is my class mate. We eventually exchanged numbers I could see some IOIs from her so I invited her to my study group she came. Everything was good. I then took her to her place after the session around 12 midnight. I was teasing her along the way and I could see the smile on her face. On the turning point we kissed and I could see she is enjoying my company.


    Then I went home. I sent her a whatsapp text saying, "I've been gun pointed". She responded, "Don't play like that next remember I have attacks. One thing u must know about me I'm a very sensitive person I take everything serious when I care". So I could see that she cares. Then she told me that there's one problem which she has a boyfriend.
    Me: Real or imaginary?
    Her: Real
    Me: that's cool, you'll have something to do when we're not together
    Her: Lol but I can't have two people at the same time, nah that's not how I roll
    Me: But I love you and I know you like me too. We can't just give up like that you know
    Her: Yes but I aint available
    Me:It's not like you are married. And my feelings for you are real
    Her: Yes I know I'm not married but then I committed myself in only one relationship
    Me: Don't blame me falling for you cause you actually the one who tripped me
    Her:How did I trip you??
    Me:hijacking my feelings and stealing my heart
    Her:And how did I do that??
    Me: I'll tell you in person. It's good that you made your commitments but you didn't situations like these might come up. I won't make you leave your bf but cause that would mean someone in future can manipulate you to leave me
    Her:Okay
    Me: You've to understand that you could mean an entire world to me. I care about you so much as you do I know. When I think of future with you everything else in the world becomes meaningless to me. Be my source of pleasure. You can't blame me
    Her: Ya I don't blame and I can't blame you for sure it's what you feel
    Me: Good that you understand the situation I'm in right now. I'm planing to NEVER EVER LEAVE YOU
    Her:Okay
    Me: I also understand your fear because your boyfriend really appreciates you, because you're probably the best girl that he ever got, or ever will get. Since he knows that he'll never get a girl like you again, I guess he's just constantly frustrated and panicking that you'll leave him. So he needs you. I don't want to take you from him. And if you were single we were to be very fast in this relationship but now we have this one exception. You have to understand that nowadays it's rare to find someone who isn't in a relationship. So your case was expected. I truly mean it when I say I love you. I'm not that type of a person who would play with your feelings and heart. I've got what is called true love
    Her: I get you
    Me: My heart is mine..but whenever I argue with it about you....it always take your side which is a good sign of love. Come into my life and pay no rent.
    Her: Ncoooow* that's so sweet


    You see I was able to manipulate her successfully and disqualify her boyfriend. Now she is no longer telling me about her boyfriend. Another thing she did we are supposed to go to another college for school competition but she is no longer going since I told her I'll be going and what is so called her boyfriend will be there. Now the way I see this is that she doesn't wanna get conflict with her boyfriend. She doesn't know that I know who her boyfriend is.


    Now she didn't want to come fetch some notes she needed to my place because she knows what might happen. I think it's because her comfort levels are low. At this point what can I do to increase her comfort level. I believe she likes. I want to invite her to my place. Make her comfortable and make out with her later. If I were to describe her I would say she is the one.

  2. #2
    DSAN1 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to increase comfort levels

    But I love you and I know you like me too ???? WOW, talk about a dlv ...... and I'm sorry but I'm planing to NEVER EVER LEAVE YOU is really creepy considering you have a casual relationship with her

  3. #3
    CesareBorgia is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to increase comfort levels

    Quote Originally Posted by DSAN1 View Post
    But I love you and I know you like me too ???? WOW, talk about a dlv ...... and I'm sorry but I'm planing to NEVER EVER LEAVE YOU is really creepy considering you have a casual relationship with her
    I have to agree. It isn't just having game and being a PAU. Anyone, man, woman, child, can learn to lie convincingly for a time, and have enough game to land a target in bed. Lie about feelings, play like you are going to be there long term to increase your value, play the romance card but not really mean it at all. But eventually all you really did was trick her, and get her into the sack. While that might work for your intended purpose it's still what I would call LG or Lame Game.

    It shows far more talent if you have game, and are totally honest about what it is you truly want. Not only that, but you don't end up wasting a lot of time on all the things you don't really want. How can you truly enjoy your time with a target, if you are spending so much of it pretending to be something you are not? That's not even amusing.

    It's the anticipation of the end result that truly makes the brain happy. What ends up happening if you play this fake game is that you miss out on all the amusing, pleasing things in between that really make you happy so that when you finally do get your target to your intended end game, it's an anticlimax for you and you need to hurry on to the next target before you become too needy with the first.

    I hope you are game for some constructive criticism because I'm going to spend some time pointing out what I believe needs to be pointed out, good and/or bad.


    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    I have meet with this amazing woman who is my class mate. We eventually exchanged numbers I could see some IOIs from her so I invited her to my study group she came. Everything was good.
    This is probably a very good strategy, if and only if you can show your value in a study group. Increasing your value, specially in relation to school work she is placing high value on atm, is pretty smart.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    I then took her to her place after the session around 12 midnight. I was teasing her along the way and I could see the smile on her face. On the turning point we kissed and I could see she is enjoying my company.
    I can't say with certainty you moved too fast because I don't know what your IOIs were. But I can you probably did move too fast because of what you said after. I'll explain below.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Then I went home. I sent her a whatsapp text saying, "I've been gun pointed". She responded, "Don't play like that next remember I have attacks. One thing u must know about me I'm a very sensitive person I take everything serious when I care". So I could see that she cares.
    Read what you said you thought. You stated you can "SEE" that she cares. This is important because you couldn't really see anything at all, you could only READ what she said. When you describe this as "SEEING" that means you are picturing in your mind what you want to see, and seeing it through your own thoughts, not through her words. She never said she cared about you, she said not to play the game you were playing, she couldn't be more blunt in telling you with certainty, that she knew you were playing a game, and she didn't appreciate it. You would do far better actually listening to what she is communicating, and not picturing in your mind what it means. You need to learn better how to not only read or listen, but also understand. You are so intent on imparting what you want to say, that you are not paying any attention at all to what she is saying.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Then she told me that there's one problem which she has a boyfriend.
    This is where I point out you moved too fast. If she really has a boyfriend but was really interested in you, she would not have mentioned it. But by texting her right away after you kissed her, and leading her to realize you are playing a game, she decided right then to mention a boyfriend, real or imagined. This is a clear sign she knows what's up, and is using the boyfriend statement to kill your game outright. She went for the juggler vein without any hesitation.

    Next time allow for time to pass between your kiss goodbye, and texting or communicating right away. It not only builds up anticipation, but by texting right away you seem needy and lower your value as a needy person is a lot of work, and she's in school. She doesn't need guys that are a lot of work or demand needy attention. Also, by saying you got "gun pointed" you were really showing you needed attention and would lie or joke to get your needy attention. You were okay up to the point you texted, but blew it on the text. If you wanted to continue with this target, you would have to back off, re-assess and start the process over to build your value. I would even think about employing pre-selection to kill her belief you are needy, and to increase your value.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Me: Real or imaginary?
    Her: Real
    When you ask her this question you are totally discounting the fact she communicated with you that she is genuine person. When she told you
    I'm a very sensitive person I take everything serious when I care
    that should have communicated to you that she isn't going to lie and that she is serious about what she says. You totally discounted that.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Me: that's cool, you'll have something to do when we're not together
    Again, you totally discounted the fact she was expressing how empathic she is. A girl who is empathic, or cares about others feelings which she told you, and you didn't have to guess at, will not want to hurt the boyfriend she is with if she is really with a boyfriend. You have decreased your value to the point she is now going to point out why she is NOT going to do anything more with you.

    Also, you are attempting to use a "Jedi Mind Trick" or assumptive reasoning long before you should even attempt it, and in a way that she will find offensive. If you listened to what she said prior, you would have realized this wasn't going to work with her. She is in college and probably prides herself on being an intellectual. You asked her to a study group, which would imply that the same is important to you. Once she realized that you do not have that common ground, and she had been tricked, your assumptive reasoning trick, meaning assuming you are going to be together, was not going to work on her.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Her: Lol but I can't have two people at the same time, nah that's not how I roll
    Empathy, feelings, seriousness. She is not going to play games with her imaginary or real boyfriend. Since you understand things visually, this is the point in the conversation where she raised her hand, palm out towards you, steps back and says clearly "NO, STOP" But even when this clear, you still press on.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Me: But I love you and I know you like me too. We can't just give up like that you know
    Saying "I love you" without enough time passing between the two of you to develop those emotions makes you sound creepy and extremely needy. Like you don't have enough love in your life, and are seeking it even in a simply kiss goodbye. WAY too fast, way too needy and way too fake. Also, using your assumptive reasoning or attempting to employ the "Jedi Mind Trick" to get her to think that you have anything of value that she cannot give up was too fast, and too needy as well. For her, she is thinking that you invested already too many feelings, and she doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings as she already stated. So the only thing left for her to do is to kill this before it goes any further, before she leads you further and hurts your feelings. You have totally taken the submissive role, and now sound like you are begging her to not break up with you, when you have never moved to "being together".

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Her: Yes but I aint available
    She isn't even mentioning the boyfriend at this point, she is telling you that she is not available. And since she already expressed she is a person who is emotionally intelligent, she is really telling you that she is not available to you in an emotional way. You are totally missing the cues, totally skipping over and not listening to what she is really saying. Women want to be heard and understood, it's one of the most important ways to increase your value as sex is easy for women, they tend to value a man who listens and communicates more than a guy that is just trying to fuck her by saying he loves her. You are trying to use the fact she leans towards emotional side of things to your advantage by expressing those emotions you think will cause you to be of more value to her, but you are doing it all wrong, in the wrong way, at the wrong time.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Me:It's not like you are married. And my feelings for you are real
    More overly needy comments, and now you are totally discounting whatever value she is placing on telling you she has a boyfriend, real or not. First you call her a liar by asking her if her boyfriend is real or imagined, then you are telling her whatever feelings or emotions she has invested in her boyfriend, do not matter because yours are more important or should be more important to her. NEEDY NEEDY NEEDY.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Her: Yes I know I'm not married but then I committed myself in only one relationship
    She is being incredibly patient with you, she has already expressed several times she is only into one relationship at a time, and is doing so again in a different way, hoping you get it. She realizes she is not getting through to you, realizes you are not listening to her and disregarding or devaluing what she is saying, so she is attempting to not hurt your feelings and trying to say it in a way you might understand, but you still do not it seems.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Me: Don't blame me falling for you cause you actually the one who tripped me
    When you use the term
    Don't Blame me
    you are really saying "blame yourself" which is an attempt to guilt her into being with you. And now you are telling her that it is her fault for attracting you, which she believes means she needs to pull way back because you are getting the wrong idea. You are pushing her away and not employing any pulling methods, and pushing her away in a way that you are not going to be able to overcome. Are you really looking for a pitty fuck?

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Her:How did I trip you??
    You have said something she believes is so far outside of what she actually intended, that she feels the only way she can understand how she made this terrible mistake, and made you feel this way that she has to ask you point blank. You have no basis to have been tripped up, so she is totally confused and probably at this point really thinking to herself that you are the type of emotionally needy guy that must need a mommy figure in your life, or worse that you could easily become a stalker. Very very creepy.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Me:hijacking my feelings and stealing my heart
    Yeah, I would like to know how she hijacked your feelings and stole your heart, you have no foundation for this comment. You must have something to base emotions on, and yet you have not established ANYTHING to base any emotions on except perhaps a goodbye kiss which she is now realizing was a huge mistake. If that one kiss caused all this, I am sure she is thinking it was a huge giant mistake.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Her:And how did I do that??
    No laugh, no emoting that she thinks this is flirting. She is totally confused, creeped out, thinking you are stalker status and wondering how she might prevent sending you whatever message she sent you, to make you this way or cause you to react as you have.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Me: I'll tell you in person. It's good that you made your commitments but you didn't situations like these might come up. I won't make you leave your bf but cause that would mean someone in future can manipulate you to leave me
    So now you tell her that her commitment is good, that is not a bad comment, but then you say right after that it doesn't really matter because things like this happen all the time, then tell her that you wouldn't want someone to manipulate her and more or less that you are doing exactly that to her. Again, Jedi mind tricks do not work with this girl, so your statement that would lead her to believe you are already involved, by stating that you wouldn't want her to leave you, is not going to work. She is thinking "gosh, this guy already thinks we are in a relationship after just one kiss, scary, creepy"

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Her:Okay
    She has no idea what to say, and afraid saying more is going to cause you to feel more connected to her.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Me: You've to understand that you could mean an entire world to me. I care about you so much as you do I know. When I think of future with you everything else in the world becomes meaningless to me. Be my source of pleasure. You can't blame me
    You say she could mean the world to you, which might be something you would say long after establishing a connection. But then you contradict that she COULD mean something more to you by saying she does already when you say that you care so much for her. Also, you shouldn't be expressing or thinking about ANYTHING in the future, she doesn't even know you well enough to know if she likes you, and now that you sound needy, creepy and stalky she is trying to remove herself from this situation without causing you to start hanging out in the bushes outside her front door.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Her: Ya I don't blame and I can't blame you for sure it's what you feel
    At t his point she isn't sure if you are just trying to play her, or are serious. But she is leaning towards thinking you really are this needy and creepy, otherwise she might say something like "If that's really how you feel" but she didn't, she said
    for sure it's what you feel
    . That clearly means she thinks you are actually this way, you have now convinced her of this where before, at the start of your little texting conversation she wasn't sure. You have now removed all doubt.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Me: Good that you understand the situation I'm in right now. I'm planing to NEVER EVER LEAVE YOU
    Creepy, needy, stalky. What can I say, how in the world can you say you are never going to leave her, while telling her that you are okay with her having a boyfriend? That would insinuate that eventually you would want her to leave him.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Her:Okay
    Again, she has no clue what to say, or how to say it. You are scaring her at this point.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Me: I also understand your fear because your boyfriend really appreciates you, because you're probably the best girl that he ever got, or ever will get. Since he knows that he'll never get a girl like you again, I guess he's just constantly frustrated and panicking that you'll leave him. So he needs you. I don't want to take you from him. And if you were single we were to be very fast in this relationship but now we have this one exception. You have to understand that nowadays it's rare to find someone who isn't in a relationship. So your case was expected. I truly mean it when I say I love you. I'm not that type of a person who would play with your feelings and heart. I've got what is called true love
    Some of this might actually be okay, but ONLY if you had already established some foundation, maybe already had sex, or at least spent some quality time together alone, talking, having fun, increasing your value, etc. But none of this has happened yet, so this practiced response to a girl that already has a boyfriend isn't going to work. Also, you cannot discount her boyfriend without knowing anything about him. It just sounds to her like you are trying to make her boyfriend seem bad, and yourself better.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Her: I get you
    Yeah, she gets you, she gets that you are acting creepy, that you might have mommy issues, that you feel you need to be loved which means you are not being loved by anyone else because you need it so bad from her, an almost stranger. She gets you are stalky, texting right after just a simple goodbye kiss. Oh yeah, she gets you alright, but only because you expressed so perfectly what exactly it is that is wrong with you, when to you it's really just a game you are playing, and playing horribly wrong.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Me: My heart is mine..but whenever I argue with it about you....it always take your side which is a good sign of love. Come into my life and pay no rent.
    She's an intellectual, so saying things that are not needy, or don't some obsessive or desperate are going to sound different to her. This might have been the one thing you said that was truly okay

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Her: Ncoooow* that's so sweet
    She is encouraging you by using positive reinforcement, to say things that are thoughtful and sweet, but not needy or explaining away the value she has already placed on her boyfriend.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    You see I was able to manipulate her successfully and disqualify her boyfriend. Now she is no longer telling me about her boyfriend. Another thing she did we are supposed to go to another college for school competition but she is no longer going since I told her I'll be going and what is so called her boyfriend will be there. Now the way I see this is that she doesn't wanna get conflict with her boyfriend. She doesn't know that I know who her boyfriend is.
    You didn't manipulate her, and why would you. Triggering a response is not about manipulation, it's about allowing her to see your value by circumventing her natural socially programed barriers. You didn't do any of that. And by attempting to disqualify her boyfriend, when she believes you don't even know him, you just made yourself sound like someone desperate and attempting to make her boyfriend sound bad, to increase your value. Instead of using that tactic, a far better tactic would be to increase the value of her boyfriend, but then increasing your own value above his. In that way you express that she chooses well, and would do even better to choose you. But instead you are telling her that she chose poorly, and that she should try you out instead.

    Also, she isn't going because YOU are going. You said it yourself that she thinks you don't know who her boyfriend is, so why would she think there would be conflict? Unless you did something around other people, or took a further step in the wrong direction. For her, she already expressed she has a boyfriend, and that should be enough. Conflict would only happen if she was dating you, which she is not. You totally misread the signs, and like I said above, you are "SEEING" in your mind, picturing what you want to happen as if it is. You need to "LISTEN" to what she is saying instead of projecting your imagination.

    You are even attempting to devalue her boyfriend in your own mind by stating things like
    her so called boyfriend
    If you really know who her boyfriend is, you should say so. This will then qualify anything you say about him, because you know him. But until she knows you know who he is, everything you say about him will just be disregarded and make you seem as if you are jealous of her boyfriend, without having any real reason to be so, unless you are a creepy stalker needy type.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    Now she didn't want to come fetch some notes she needed to my place because she knows what might happen.
    She doesn't want to be alone with you because you are creepy, and she's afraid you are going to try more even though she has made it clear she isn't interested in anything more. On two separate occasions she has expressed she doesn't want to be around you, and yet you seem to totally miss this clear message and attribute it to other things without having any foundation for thinking these things.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    I think it's because her comfort levels are low. At this point what can I do to increase her comfort level.
    The only way she is going to be comfortable, is by not being around you. She is avoiding you because she doesn't feel comfortable around you at all. You already blew it, chalk it up to lessons learned and move on.

    Quote Originally Posted by hlestar View Post
    I believe she likes. I want to invite her to my place. Make her comfortable and make out with her later. If I were to describe her I would say she is the one.
    You have no foundation to ask her over to your place. She already refused to pick up notes she needs. Being that she is an intellectual, or attending college with the purpose of being serious and graduating, I seriously doubt she would avoid getting the notes she needs without good reason. I bet, if you asked those people who also have the same notes, you will find she got them from someone else.

    And now I think you are needy, obsessive, stalky etc. Your last comment
    I would say she is the one
    is the very most creepy thing you said in your entire post. I hate to break the news to you buddy, but you have some serious issues you need to overcome before you try to get with any girl, for ANY reason. I am just being totally honest and blunt here. You have invested far too much emotion in this girl, you have no idea the damage you have done. You vision things that are not happening, twist obvious messages to mean things in your head they clearly do not, you are in short totally delusional. Your personality trait is so adverse to natures intent, that nature is going to do everything it can to make sure you do not propagate your bad genetic information. Meaning you are going to continue chasing girls away if you behave like this, and will never have any chance at having children if that is even in your future.

    Just stop, please, stop what you are doing. It was almost painful to read this. Stop it now, don't do anything more. Please, for your sake, and for all of us who are reading posts on this site. STOP!

  4. #4
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to increase comfort levels

    WOW ..... What an insightful and spot on evaluation by Cesare and YES, PLEASE STOP, I was embarrassed for you and felt really bad for her while reading that painful exchange ..... and then we wonder why girls develop Bitch Shields
    "The purpose of our lives is to be happy" - his Holiness the Dalai Llama of Tibet


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