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  1. #1
    BlinkEssential is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default FELLOW PUAS, I need help fast!

    PUA Community,

    I used to practice the Arts all the time, I eventually went to school and just kind of let it slip away. Before I fell out of it, I would practice 3 or 4 nights a week for about 3 years. I've been out of the game for about 4 years now, and I feel my vision may be clouded


    6 months ago, I met a girl on tinder, we dated, fell in love, I ended up moving into the city in my own apt on the same street as hers, we got two cats together, matching tattoos, and talked about marriage and kids on a daily basis. Since I first spoke with her 6 months ago, there hasnít been more than 24 hours when we havenít talked. If I didnít message her, she would message me. She eventually started spending every single night at my place. We fought quite often, but neither of us wanted to be away from each other at night.

    2 weeks ago, she went out with some friends, and was out till about 4 in the morning, she was supposed to be back, but she was rolling (something we promised to only do together) Long story, I got pissed off bc she lied about it, lost my shit, packed up everything she owned in garbage bags and brought it to her place in front of her friends (I know, total rookie move and probably the most psycho thing I have ever done)

    2 days later, we got back together, and we hooked up, then we hooked up the next day (she told me that her friends couldnít know we were back together because she didnít want them to know that a guy could hurt her like that and she would take him back, I told her okay) .. The next day, as I am 900$ tickets for a show for us in Georgia, she tells me that she thinks we shouldnít hook up for 2 weeks, I say okay (I donít believe her) but whatever its cool.. Then a couple of days after that, she says that she doesnít think we should be together at all, that we should be just friends (WTF I THOUGHT I GOT HER BACK). I ask her on a date (what would have been our 6 months) she says yes, buy her pearl earrings (which she still wears, dinner, drinks, and during dinner, she reminds me that we should still be friends (UGH).

    It gets worse, She calls me up, and I play hard to get, I say, its cool if you just want to be friends I understand, she says okay, she cries, and hangs up. She calls back and says, wait, maybe I made a mistake, I say: wellÖ Iím on tinder, and Iím talking to somebody. ONCE AGAIN DUMB FUCKING MOVE BY ME!

    She says thatís it, she hangs up, I try to call her back and she wonít answer.

    Next day, we talk sheís pissed at me still, I say at least lets try to be friends. She accepts , I tell her I want to earn her trust back the right way, she says okay but I just want to be single, and honestly, I donít know if I want to date anybody, and I donít know if I can ever trust you again, so we can be friends but nothing else.

    So here I am, Last night I met up with her and her friend, she was drunk and she kissed me, then she says it was a mistake, and it wonít happen again.

    So here I am, she says she still wants to be just friends for a while, she says she wants me around but doesnít want to date anyone. I tell her I want to earn her trust back, and she says that I shouldnít try bc she doesnít want to get back together.

    1 Please spare me the (damn bro, youíre a tool) trust me I already know..
    2 Please donít even reply unless u think u can help
    3 this girl actually is my best friend, she is the woman I want to marry and start a family with, and I donít want to hear the whole ďthereís a million fish in the seaĒ been there, done them, this is the one..

    By the way, I NEED HELP FAST, because we have tickets to a show next weekend and I want to go with her, she says she wants to go with her friends.

    Let me also just say sorry to the PUAís for failing so bad here, I was always the man to do the openers, I would hit on the fat chick for the sake of my fellow wing men, I obeyed the code, and I am not coming back to seek help from the community.

  2. #2
    Wolf24's Avatar
    Wolf24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: FELLOW PUAS, I need help fast!

    You're too jumpy about this and I understand. Nothing kicks in your balls like losing someone you wanna spend your life with.

    My usual advice would be letting her go but since I assume you wouldn't do that, know this: time can sometimes help. I don't have advice about the show you wanna go so my advice will be in general instead.

    Trust is a weird concept. Actually Swagman here was doing a study about trust and it kinda blew my mind when we discussed about it. Trust is the strongest bond that binds people together but it is also as fragile as it can get.

    If you want to earn that back, give each other some space. She needs this space because she needs to understand that she can't do it without you. And you need this space because you need to calm down and reset things before you do any other mistake. After you've given each other some time and space, you should try again. Maybe go on a date like it's the first time, or take a vacation far from everyone.

    These situations are tough. That's why we always advise people to let go and get better to spare them the possible bigger heartbreak, the exhausting effort and. But if you really wish to keep this girl, think about my advice above and good luck.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  3. #3
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: FELLOW PUAS, I need help fast!

    There's NO magic formula or words to say, that will make everything all better.
    Honestly, it's a mess... that's what you have.
    A mess.

    It may be long gone. Who knows.
    But definitely take a step or two hundred back, and give it room to breathe.

    THEN, work on yourself instead of trying to force-salvage this thing, because you'll only push her further away.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  4. #4
    Alergy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: FELLOW PUAS, I need help fast!

    My advice for you - don't talk about earning back her trust or any changes, just accept the fact that she wants to just be friends. I'm not saying you should try to stay only friends, if she's the one - she's the one, but you got to be smart about all this. You need to show her with your actions that you've changed, but make it under the radar so she doesn't think you're only doing that just to fool her into getting back together with you. Work on yourself, get your thoughts together and if you truly do love her show her that you're willing to change with your actions, not your words, I'm saying that for the second time because it's that important to show her that you mean it. Don't pressure her, don't try to make her feel jealous by talking or showing off how good your love life or your sex life is. You obviously f*cked up and therefore you should be respectful and let her think about things for a while. If you want to make her thoughts go your way, earn back her trust, work on yourself, try to be conscious and not do anything irrational, be cool with the fact that you're just plain friends right now.

    She obviously still feels attraction for you and is highly influenced by the opinions of her friends, you hurt her in-front of her friends and even if you do manage to hook-up with her when she's drunk or something, you're going to find yourself back at the start - her saying that it can never happen again. Since she's being pressured by her friends that you too can never be together again, you have to convince them also that you're not going to f*ck up again. Even though they told her that she should never see you again, she's still doing it because (I guarantee you they did) you're obviously such a big part of her life that she wants to stay at least friends even though it's very difficult for her as it is for you, because she has to have self-control and not let her warm feelings for you make irrational decisions. Which you can use to your advantage, many people after a break-up tend to not even stay friends, but luckily for you - she does, I'll be honest - by the looks of things.. the odds are against you, but play your cards right and you'll be back together with her with your relationship even stronger than it was before. Just do yourself and most importantly her a favor and don't do anything stupid or chaotic, be understanding, make a change instead of talking about it, work on yourself, find some way to make her friends think of you in a better way.

    I'm more experienced in relationships that have failed rather than successful ones, but I've managed to learn from my mistakes and that is why I can talk so openly about all this, I've been in your shoes, never exactly in your situation but in very similar ones, I would have given anything to make a change but my Mindset was just too wrong so I had to do something very hard.. let them go.. Hopefully you're going to be smarter than I was and get the woman of your life back.

    Best of luck to you man, your story has intrigued me a lot, so if you'll need further help I'd be more than happy to give you some advice.


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