Ladies and Gentlemen,
First of all i'm a fob so excuse my poor writing style. I hope some of you appreciate where I'm coming from and the struggle it took for me to join and type this. Took a lot of courage I tell you that (which explains why I wont say my real name/location/etc)!
In short I am pretty pathetic (i already know it, so dont pity me please. it makes it harder). I have dated 2 girls, neither of which I had sex with. One was a super church goer (i'm not religious) so we didnt do anything, the other one is an interesting story. (below is the details. read it or skip if you want):
a computer nerd (programmer). Skinny, relatively short, not trying to copy "The Game" but i do have the biggest nose on the west coast, and my hair is thinning just like "Style". Imagine me as a scrawny dude with a huge beer belly, balding, 27 year old, i got twigs for arms. you get the idea.
I am very very scared of rejection. I take it to heart and it lives with me for weeks. Like if i offer help to someone and they reject it, i take it to heart. You realize, as i do, that i do have a problem!
2nd gf story - the hair that broke the camel's back
My gf never "let me in", and for 2 years she kept on coming up with excuses. This is a crazy story that no one believes except those who were with me (i still dont believe it myself). On new years eve she said she's spending the night with family. So i went with my friends to a "rave" (yes i'm a nerd, a programmer, btw). as we were exiting the hotel room to go down to the Rave the next door opens, and i see my gf with another guy (taller, buff, has style, etc.) i realized what was going on. It was a very shitty night, but i mostly was mad at myself. I met up with my friends at the rave. Those guys are ripped, like freaking Brad Pitt in "Fightclub" (my fav movie). I sat there in my sorrow watching them hooking up with girls left and right. wasnt the easiest night on me, but like i said i was mostly mad at myself.
"enough is enough", i said.
no more drinking, no more beer, no more junk food, none of that. Strict diet, i've been having protein shakes replacing almost every meal for almost 5 months now. I got some meat on me, i'm getting ripped, i am going to the gym 2x a day (cardio, then lifting). I'm watching what i eat, and today i even got complimented on my 8-pack. This was so much hard work, so much sweat, so much time spent on body building forums, and so much money spent on supplements (freaking rip-off). I've literally been eating chicken for like 4 months every day now. I kid you not. Why all that? Coz i am tired of being stepped on. I want to be somebody. I'm not like hot right now or anything, but I am definitely changed. A girl randomly came up to me once and asked me to make out with her. some cougar at a bar approached me and said the funniest line ever "nice guns, can i get tickets to the gun show?" i laughed my butt off, but didnt know what to say.
I was in vegas recently, very messed up, very extremely drunk, i have no idea how it happened but i found myself kissing a girl in her room. She's a 8-10 (depending who you ask). she's way out of my league. I have no idea how it happened. when i realized i was kissing her, i freaked out and ran out and back to my room. Then i lied to my friend and said that I did her (you can go ahead and judge me, i deserve it). So i am guessing that when i am completely drunk i do something right. No idea what it is.
One of my friends was joking with me, and mentioned "The Game". I thought he was talking about the movie with Michael Douglas (awesome movie, btw). then i realized there's this book. I picked it up 2 days ago and still reading it. I had no idea there was PUA's, or a community, or none of that. So i thought before i spend money and go to a shrink, i might as well ask for help on those sites. I would appreciate it if you help me and not suggest the shrink, because i already know im going there if you guys cannot help.
Not necessarily be a PUA, but really know what to say, what to do, kill the fear of rejection, stand up for myself, and stop letting people piss on me. I have been reading the forums, and will continue to do so, but if you have words of advice (that are not mocking words, or hurtful words) please let me know how you can help.
I'm not sure if i would go out with anyone online to "the field". at this point im too scared of even the thought.
thank you so much in advance!