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  1. #1
    Miss X is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default What does it mean when a guy friends sees potential then his behaviour changes??

    Hi there is this guy that reconnected with me via facebook who I knew from my childhood. He messaged me asking if I am so and so sister and I had no clue who he was. This is going back almost two months ago now. From then on we added each other on facebook and a week later we started speaking on the phone. We got along really well and we hit it off really quickly. He was always calling and texting me. Whether it was in the middle of the day or calls till late at night etc. He was the one always initiating them. I never took it as anything more then a friendship. He was divorced very recently from a suffocated marriage in his mind its been over for a long time just not official. He has two kids so a lot of the times he would open up to me about his problems with his. Anyhow two weeks later he had his friend visit him from another country I started to see him let loose a bit and wasn't calling me as much as before. He started going out more and partying etc I think he was making up for lost time from his marriage as he got married pretty young. I started to feel like he was brushing me off a little and one night I sent him a text saying pretty much I get the feeling you've been brushing off lately which is fine you don't owe me any and I'm not complaining but I'm just letting you know I don't hang around where I don't feel wanted. He replied by telling me his been busy lately with this friend down and also that he has been going out a little more letting loose and that his not ready to offer anyone anything more then a friendship he needs time for himself and that I hope I can I understand that. I took offense to it because I never ever showed me I'm interested nor was I the one making the efforts and it offended me because I felt rejected when I didn't ask for anything more anyways. So I rang to make him understand my point of view we sorted it out and sent each other text msges about how we really value our friendship etc...now the next day I found out from a random girl via facebook that he only met for like a week that he told her he wants to get to know her for something serious and that he would like to meet her in person. She wasn't interested in him he was 11 years older then her. Now I don't know how to take that I mean at the time I could clearly c he wasn't ready for anything serious. Was he just not into me or was he playing her. When she told him she wasn't interested he didn't like it and he said something that offended her. A couple of weeks after that I find out he starts dating a real skank like a big time skank (lets just say she was in sexpo) lol..i knew he wasn't taking her seriously probably just wanted a good time I know she is definitely not the type he would settle for...a week later that ended. A week ago we had a big dnm via facebook and it let me to ask him as a friend to a friend and for him not to freak out by question. Do you c me as a potential...he said yeah for sure your attractive, intelligent and we get along really well I guess I never thought of you in that way.


    ong story short he lives in a diff state and he said he will be coming down in a weeks time which is next weekend to meet me and we can better assess the situation then if there is no fate for us we both decided we will stay good mates because we value the friendship. His been really nice and every time we speak he started addressing me like he did again wen we first started talking sweety, hun, babe etc because at one stage it was always sis and sista...



    i msged him 4 days ago just to see how his going and he was nice and we mucked around abit then he said he would call me the next day...he didn't ring...the day after that I sent him a text saying I think someone forgot about me he didn't reply which is very odd he always replies his very prompt most of the times with his replies. Later afternoon I rang him he didn't answer. I noticed he updated his facebook saying his out with the kids at some show.



    The next day I sent him a text saying are you upset with me or something its unusual that you don't reply to text msg. Plz let me know what's going on. 7hrs later he replies say hey been flat stick and its school holidays il buzz you tomorrow mate...he ended it with mate he never calls me mate and 3 days ago his text message were all hun and sweetie. I didn't reply...he also didn't ring me the next day like he said. How do I take this... know his been busy with the kids and busy training for a fight he has coming up but you can't be that busy to sent a text msg? Was me asking if he sees me as a potential make him go all funny on me..but at the time we had a great discussion he seemed to enjoy it.


    He was meant to come down 2 weeks ago like he said, he didn't end up coming and he didn't even bother to let me know he won't be coming. I had to call him days before and he didn't answer. I caught him online 2days before he was meant to be coming and I said I have to talk to you its so hard to get a hold of you lately. He rang me he didn't sound his usual self. He sounded depressed he said his been going through a lot with his ex giving him a hard time and playing dirty when it comes to the kids.



    I was really devastated that he wasn't coming and I did make him aware I was disappointed. I felt hurt that he didn't bother to even let me know not even a simple text. He told me he never confirmed it 100% that peed me off even more because the plans were set. I didn't want to make a big fuss of it and push him away. I mentioned that I felt his been distant and different with me and I feel its because of the potential convo we had. He said I'm not immature I liked the conversation.



    This has nothing to do with you and he started getting into the story of his ex giving him a hard time etc and how his been feeling down because of the kids and how his son is attached to him and doesn't want to go back home to his mum etc.



    He hasn't been the same with me he hardly calls or messages. Most of our chats are online if we catch each other on Facebook. I mean when we do have our chats online there great we are always laughing and having really good conversations he isn't ignoring me.



    I don't know what to do or how to take all this. I mean I can see his been very focussed with his fight coming up he hardly goes out all he does it train so his lifestyle has changed. He mentioned that he will most likely come down after his fight which is in June he'l make his way down eventually. He also said he just needs sometime for himself because of all the sh*t that's happening around him. Do I just give up on him? Do I make him aware that I'm not happy that he never answers calls or text messages anymore or hardly like he used to and to let him know I'm disappointed that friend does that to me and to be alittle more bitchy with him like perhaps delete him of Facebook or something to wake him up alittle? I don't want to give up on him apart of me does like him not sure how or in what sense but I do think about him a lot.

  2. #2
    Foxy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: What does it mean when a guy friends sees potential then his behaviour changes??

    Thanks you so much for your post X, it shows a lot of things we talk about in this community. I think everyone new to "the game" should read this post. I am going to point a few things out and then get to what you can do to hopefully get him back.

    I want to point out that in the begining of your post the guy tends to be doing AFC tactics, that a lot of guys do when they like a girl. The result is you thought of him as just a friend.

    Later the guy starts to let lose and party. He began increasing his social value, see other people, and not always be there for you X. This is when you started finding him attractive. We always tell guys that if you want girls to find you attractive to do this.

    **So for all of you AFCs out there trying to get out of the friend zone read this post a couple of times**

    Miss X, I believe that you two switched roles. You became the AFC; I believe that both men and women love to work towards something they see as hard to get. My advice is going to be to not text him, and even wait long periods of time before even responding. I mean a really long time, like at least a day. Do exactly what he did to you. Go out and better yourself, meet more people, and don't worry about him. This is what we call a freezeout. Basically the idea is that it will get him/her thinking "why is he/she doing X?" That is the goal...to get him thinking about YOU. Love = occupation of someones mind. This strategy works for men or women in this situation.

    Keep us posted on your progress I am interested to know how it turns out.

  3. #3
    Miss X is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: What does it mean when a guy friends sees potential then his behaviour changes??

    You said to not text him and wait long period of times before replying?? What if he never text me. Like for eg lately im the one initiating the texting and he does reply. His behaviour change is that he doesn't answer my calls or return them but he does reply to my texts or if im online he will chat to me. So how am i mean to play the stand offish game if the texting isnt coming from him anyways first??

    For eg two days ago i sent him a hi how are you text he replied good just been flat out and i have the kids tonight is it ok if i buzz u tomorrow i reply with yeh sure thats fine.. tomorrow comes and he doesn't ring and its like the 4th time his done that. Because i got so fed up with it i was going to send this message not sure if its a good idea or not perhaps u can tell me if it is or isn't. Just wanted to add im not always hassling and calling him its once in a blue moon i do give him his space, so im kind of feeling if im not the one initiating the contacts then i don't think il be hearing from him.

    (Hey i get the message loud and clear now you dont really wish to talk to me. I will not be bothering you with my calls or messages any longer it seems you dont value this friendship as much as you say and as much as i do. You say its because your busy and i do believe you have been but i also think theres another underlying reason your not being totally honest with me about. I just think dont think its much of a friendship when it becomes a one way street and when the other person is making the other feel inadequate. I do wish you all the best in life and i am very upset thats it come to this but unfortunately you have left me with no choice i dont want to feel like a nuisance to anyone. Take care and hope ur always happy.)

    I just want to do something that will make him feel bad about how his been making me feel.

  4. #4
    Foxy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: What does it mean when a guy friends sees potential then his behaviour changes??

    You don't need to confront him about it. Just give it a week and see if he texts you or not. If he doesn't then feel free to text him again, and reignite things.

  5. #5
    Miss X is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: What does it mean when a guy friends sees potential then his behaviour changes??

    ive done that before left and let it go and a week later sent a casual text and he did apologise without even me mentioning it that he hasn't been in touch with me yet. So his very aware of what his doing and that fact that his not getting back to me. How many times do i have to let it slide?? I want to make him feel like crap and guilty for once for how his making me feel n that its not acceptable to give me ur word about something and u dont follow through with it.

  6. #6
    Foxy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: What does it mean when a guy friends sees potential then his behaviour changes??

    I guess at this point it wouldn't hurt to do that.

  7. #7
    Miss X is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: What does it mean when a guy friends sees potential then his behaviour changes??

    to do what exactly sorry i didn't understand what you meant?

  8. #8
    Kingdom is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: What does it mean when a guy friends sees potential then his behaviour changes??

    Wow, this is a good indicator of wanting something you can't have. It's nice to see how actions like this affect women and see a womans point of view.

    At this point you'd think the guy is losing interest. You should definitely ignore his texts, only text him back after two or three texts, never apologise for it because then you're validating that you've made a mistake when you haven't. You're just living your life.

    Also, never seek validation. Asking if you seem like potential who's obviously interested is like asking if the sky is blue. It's a silly question that doesn't need to be asked. Guy's want a challenge and now you might seem like you're pestering him. Now you should play the hard to reach one, if he's into you then he'll drop you a text.


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